Archive for the ‘Detroit Pistons’ Category

You’re likely wondering how someone can be good and bad at disguises at the same time? And that’s a fair thing to wonder, considering good and bad are complete opposites, especially when it comes to disguises. You’re either fooling people or they know you’re wearing a disguise. There’s not much middle ground.

Unless you’re Detroit Pistons rookie Andre Drummond, I guess. From the Detroit News:

Considering he’s still of college age, spending time [at a Michigan State football game] isn’t a stretch and despite his size, he isn’t recognized by everybody just yet. He left from his seats and went to the student section, where he felt right at home.

“I had fun, my seats were boring. It was fun being around different people,” he said.

He couldn’t quite get away unseen, though, a reminder that he’s in a different world.

“I had shades on and a hat, I was trying to blend in then I realized it was nighttime,” he said, laughing. “Everybody kept calling me (Michigan State’s) Adreian Payne. One kid recognized me and then everybody started following me.”

That, my friends, is how you achieve the rare feat of being both good and bad at disguises — by wearing a disguise so ostentatious that everyone still recognizes that you are in disguise, while still being disguised enough to fool people in to thinking you are someone else. Truly an amazing feat.

This is especially hard to do when you are a giant, though all the short people around are probably just thinking, “Whoa, that guy is huge. He must play basketball.” Once you get past that 6-foot-8 barrier, pretending to be someone else is pretty easy, I guess. Nice work, Mr. Cool Disguise.

This is one of Kyle Singler’s images from yesterday’s rookie photo shoot. I just have one question, which you see in the title and are surely wondering for yourself — is Kyle Singler the human embodiment of the famous “I’m With Coco” posters that flooded the internet following Conan O’Brien’s ouster from “The Tonight Show?”

The hair and ruddy complexion suggest that the answer is yes, but let’s do a quick comparison.

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Ben Gordon left Chicago for Detroit three summers ago in rather bitter circumstances. After two summers of failed contract negotiations, while on his way out the door, Gordon unsubtly stated that he was leaving to join an organization “where winning is the number one priority.”

This has been the exact opposite of what has actually transpired, and last night, he found himself in a trade that proved it. Gordon was traded to Charlotte, along with a protected first round pick, to Charlotte in exchange for Corey Maggette. More pertinently, Gordon and the pick were traded for Maggette’s expiring $10.9 million contract. With all due respect to Corey Maggette, he’s otherwise irrelevant here.

Perhaps Gordon thought that Detroit spending big, on him and Charlie Villanueva, was synonymous with prioritizing winning. If so, he was wrong. Since that summer of expenditure, the Pistons have been a moribund franchise, hamstrung by a lack of cohesiveness, submarined by infighting, and unable to do much about it due to the payroll inflexibility they saddled themselves with. Indeed, despite not winning more than 30 games in any season since signing the duo, the Pistons have been the least active team in recent years with regards to roster turnover, sticking with what they had even while knowing it wasn’t working. With so many big, underperforming contracts, they hadn’t the flexibility to do anything else. Last summer’s business was spent on re-signing a team that had just lost 52 games. The Pistons have been stranded in a wilderness of their own making.

The only salvation since that time has been some success in the draft. Greg Monroe is well on his way to a maximum value contract, Jonas Jerebko has made Villanueva completely obsolete, and Brandon Knight pretty much matches Gordon’s production already while being only 20. There’s another top 10 pick coming. The only thing missing from quite a nice situation going forward has been financial flexibility.

With this trade, they now have it. Gordon’s contract runs for two more years for a total of $25.6 million, whereas Maggette expires after this year. The financial savings in the upcoming year are negligible to the point of irrelevancy. In the summer of 2013, however, the Pistons can finally start again. Between Maggette, Jason Maxiell, Will Bynum, Austin Daye and the remainder of Rip Hamilton’s bought-out deal, the Pistons will see over $28 million of expiring (and largely dead) salary fall off their cap. If the amnesty clause is used on Villanueva at some point between now and then, that figure rises to $37 million. Waiving Rodney Stuckey — whose final season is not fully guaranteed — could add an extra $4.5 million if needs be. And the young talent will still be there.

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Witness testimony in the case of Dominican national basketball team vs. Charlie Villanueva’s gut, as given by head coach John Calipari, as provided by the Detroit News:

“Charlie was not in good form when we saw him,” Calipari told Deportes en la Z. “He was overweight, and unfortunately, we could not slow down the entire team and it was a decision taken collectively. Last year, Charlie behaved really well with us and his only problem was his weight.”

Rebuttal in the case of Dominican national basketball team vs. Charlie Villanueva’s gut, as given by Charlie Villanueva, as provided by Charlie Villanueva:

Lol case closed

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you’ve heard the testimonies and seen the evidence. Now it falls to you to make a decision — are you going to believe a slimy coach who has had huge successes followed by embarrassing punishments at each of his stops or are you going to believe an overpaid underachiever who has played for three teams in seven seasons and just missed the majority of this past season? It’s a tough decision but we have every confidence that you will make the correct choice.

If a unanimous decision cannot be reached, the case will be declared a mistrial and everyone will go back to not caring about the Dominican national basketball team or Charlie Villanueva. The case is in your hands.

(via BDL)

From our pal Joe Mande comes “The Ultimate Rick Mahorn Fan Video,” which isn’t something you knew you needed in your life. As you’ll see when you watch this, you do need it in your life. Badly.

It’s a good thing the Detroit Pistons ended up winning this game. Otherwise, a premature Gatorade bath is so gauche. Refreshing, but gauche.

This right here is my personal funniest moment in the history of All-Star Weekend. You can keep Chris Andersen’s botched dunk contest attempts, the Michael Jordan’s wide-open missed dunk and the time Darrell Armstrong shot a layup in the dunk contest. I’ll take Jerry Stackhouse, in the midst of his best season, confidently throwing down a 360 immediately after Vince Carter’s legendary 360. Whoops.

Could there be worst timing for anything? This would be like releasing “Dick Tracy” the weekend after “The Godfather” came out or Lil Wayne following up his biggest record, “Tha Carter III,” with an album full of terrible rock songs. Literally any other dunk would be better than another 360, especially when the past three minutes have seen a hundred replays of Vince’s dunk followed by Cheryl Miller talking to Vince about what it’s like to add to the pantheon of dunk contest dunks.

The best part, however, is Jerry’s strut after throwing down his jam. He grabs the ball and walks towards the scoring table confidently, surely thinking to himself, “I nailed it. Nice one, Jer-Bear.” Meanwhile, unbeknownst to him, he’s getting killed by the TNT guys and seeing the honorary title of next best UNC shooting guard be given to Vince Carter. Michael Keaton’s face at the 12-second mark says it all, but Jerry’s face when he gets a 41 — seemingly shocked that a two-handed 360 wouldn’t be an obvious 50 — is a really nice postscript.

I don’t think anyone ever really bought in to the idea that Jerry Stackhouse was the next Michael Jordan, even though he was a bald shooting guard from the University of North Carolina. But even if you did, when he made up his mind to go with this 360, that probably ended. It’s hard to take seriously a guy who is so clueless to what’s going on that he’d do a bad remix of one of the best dunks ever, immediately after said dunk.

Jerry Stackhouse is back at All-Star Weekend this year, somehow sneaking his way in to the festivities as Joe Johnson’s injury replacement for the Shooting Stars competition, which is literally the smallest honor one can receive this weekend. I imagine he’ll sink a three-pointer a second after Steve Smith drains a game-winner from half court, because Jerry’s a pro at doing less impressive things at inopportune times.