And it was then, with 14 seconds remaining in a pointless Rising Stars Challenge, that Greg Monroe went from being one of the most boringly effective players in the NBA to a basketball comedy legend. Personally, I am very glad he made the heel turn because this is one of my all-time favorite moments in All-Star Weekend history.
Here’s to you, Greg Monroe, player hater supreme.
When you think of Ben Wallace, you probably think of great defense, incredible shoulder definition and embarrassingly terrible free throw shooting. Those are pretty much the go-to descriptors for Ben Wallace, now that he doesn’t have that giant Afro.
One thing you definitely don’t think of is his three-point shooting, which makes sense considering he’s made seven threes in a 16-year NBA career. If Ben Wallace makes a three, you pinch yourself to make sure you’re still alive and not in some dream world where Brad Miller can jump off the floor and Carlos Boozer has all his hair.
But last night, in real life, Ben Wallace made a three-pointer in an actual NBA basketball game. Afterwards, he was bigging himself up for his long range exploits. From the AP:
“Three-ball — that ain’t nothing that you all haven’t seen before,” Wallace said.
This is technically true. If you have watched every single game Ben Wallace has ever played, then you have seen him hit a three six times before last night. You would have to have payed VERY close attention, but I guess that could be something you’ve seen before. Who can forget that time on April 6, 2005 when he made a three against the Wizards? Classic Ben Wallace moment.
But that’s not the only thing we haven’t seen before with regards to things Ben Wallace did last night. He also airballed two free throws, which is way more common, I’d have to imagine. His response:
“They hacked me. I made a couple free throws, shot a couple airballs — still ain’t nothing that you all have never seen before.”
This could be a great character: Terrible Shooter Who is Very Cocky. It’d be just a very aggressive guy who says things like, “Yeah, I airballed some shots. No big deal. I’ll do that every night if I want to.” Could be an interesting avenue to see Ben Wallace explore, though it’s a shame he had to happen upon such a wonderful act this late in his career. It might be too late to properly develop a backstory, but I at least like the idea.
And you have to like that Ben Wallace knows he’s going to airball some freebies. At this point, when he’s about ready to retire, there’s really no reason why he’d expect to be anything other than bad from the line. Upon his retirement, he will leave the game as literally the worst free throw shooter ever, which more than entitles him to brag about how bad he is at shooting. He’s the best at being bad, so he might as well own it.
Besides, are you going to say anything mean to Ben Wallace about his free throws? Me neither.
Just because Kendrick Perkins never went to college, doesn’t mean he didn’t learn the same Greek philosophy stuff you and I did taking Bernard Toussaint’s PHIL120 course on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8:30am. He totally knows all that stuff — Plato, Aristotle, Cicero — you know, the hits.
I mean, he must. How else to explain this crafty Socratic trick he pulled on some reporters? From the Los Angeles Times:
“Can you name me five players off the 2004 All-Star team?”
The reporter scratched his head.
“Can you name me who won the championship in 2004?”
Detroit, the reporter answered.
“My point exactly.”
Boom. That’s how you do it. That’s how you accomplish the rare triple feat of making a reporter feel silly, yourself look smart and proving your point with a simple line of questioning. Wonderful performance. Flawless victory.
Of course, if whoever this reporter is would have thought for a second about the 2004 season, he probably would have been able to name five players from the 2004 All-Star team like it’s no big deal. Shaq and Kobe were still together, Yao Ming still controlled the Chinese voting block, there were a bunch of Western Conference Hall of Fame forwards (Duncan, Garnett, Nowitzki), Allen Iverson and Tracy McGrady were relevant, and there were a host — A HOST! — of mid-2000s legends kicking around. Heck, Brad Miller was All-Starring it up back then, though I’ll admit I might be the only one who can come up with that one off the dome.
Nonetheless, pretty solid work by Kendrick Perkins. Not only did he prove his point that teamwork is important for championship teams, he also made sense of his extended goatee. He’s been showing his love for Greek facial hair culture for quite some time, but it’s only now that it’s become evident. Nice to finally get some resolution.
(via Detroit Bad Boys)
Exhibit A — Nazr Mohammed Airballs a Halfcourt Shot with 5 Seconds Remaining
This one is the worst because of the title. There’s no reason to shoot a halfcourt shot with five seconds left, unless you’re a crazy person. If you follow him on Twitter, you know Nazr is one of the most normal NBA guys, so this is just a silly play. A very solid for best worst shot of the night, considering it’s entirely unnecessary.
Exhibit B — Future All-Star Jason Maxiell Airballs a Free Throw
This one is probably the worst, so I won’t blame you for voting for it. But Jason Maxiell is a pretty bad free throw shooter — 56 percent for his career — so you can see how he’d end up airballing one every now and then, especially on the second night of a back-to-back in a shortened season. His legs are probably super tired. Excuses, excuses — it’s still an airballed free throw.
A couple of very solid choices here. You can’t really go wrong. Let’s hear your vote in the comments.
(Mom note: Trey, can you make the title so it reads like “pissed and moaned?”) (Ed. note: Sure.)
Yeah, that’s right they cried like babies, but what do you expect for a “young” team? Who cares though? I got to go to a basketball game and sit on the floor. Literally. As a photographer!
I went with my dude, T.J., the Detroit photojournalist. We entered The Palace, and before I could curtsy, my prince (no, not Tayshaun) handed me a REAL camera and gave me one single instruction — “Just point and shoot.” So I did.
Of course, T.J. had no idea how amusing this directive could be, but I did. Since I was quite confident my pictures wouldn’t run in any newspapers, I figured I’d take a few shots that at least my Trey-Trey would appreciate.
My first shot was not so great. A little embarrassing, but then I realized this could be a lot of fun.
This Monday through Friday, I’m going to give my season predictions in a countdown from worst to first. The format will be three teams per post, one post in the morning and one in the afternoon. Whichever team you’re a fan of, there’s a good chance you’ll feel like I’m disrespecting them. I understand this, and I promise you I won’t take your insults personally.
30. Detroit Pistons
Seven years after the Pistons won their last NBA championship, I think the grace period for President of Basketball Operations Joe Dumars is over. He is a terrible GM and I have to wonder how much nostalgia for that title and his playing career in Detroit is keeping him employed in his current job.
Does Joe even understand that his team needs to rebuild? And if he knows this, does he know how to do it properly? Based on the contracts he just approved while re-signing Tayshaun Prince and Rodney Stuckey, I have a hard time believing that. Even if the Pistons improve their talent level with high draft picks, the cap-clogging contracts of Prince and Stuckey will hold them back for at least the next two seasons.
Optimistic Pistons fans might point at sophomore center Greg Monroe as a beacon of hope, but he’s an average rebounder and a poor defender and that combination will always sour me on a big man’s potential. There just isn’t a lot of upside on this roster, unless you think Brandon Knight has Rookie of the Year potential, which I don’t.
The NBA season starts on Christmas — thank Jesus Shuttlesworth — so that means we only have three weeks to post things like this that are only tangentially related to the league we love. Lucky for us, this dude is wearing a Detroit Pistons “Bad Boys” sweatshirt, which makes it barely applicable. I think you’ll agree that’s enough because this is one of the funniest videos in internet history.
(via Videogum)
