Archive for the ‘Dwight Howard’ Category

How do you describe the feeling of being totally shocked and yet not shocked at all? That was my immediate reaction to USA Today’s breaking news that the Lakers have fired head coach Mike Brown today after he led the team to a miserable 1-4 start to this season.

Did most of us see this coming? Sure, we did. Did anyone besides the most reactionary, over-entitled Lakers fan really believe team management would pull the plug on him just five discombobulated games into this latest grand experiment in superstar stacking? I should hope not. Because this is more than a little ridiculous.

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Now that Dwight Howard has been traded away from the Orlando Magic, there may be a full-scale revisionist history that portrays all the ways Dwiggity disappointed the franchise. We can’t let that happen. Dwight was VERY good to Orlando, even if the end got more than a little messy.

Lucky for all the Dwightophiles out there, one man is doing his best to maintain Dwight’s legacy in Orlando. That man is Glen Davis and he’s talking about the most important thing Dwight did for the Magic. From the Orlando Sentinel’s Josh Robbins’ Twitter feed:

Glen Davis was asked what the #Magic will miss most about Dwight Howard. Davis’ answer: Dwight’s flatulence. [...]

“The thing we’re going to miss most about Dwight is his farting ability.” [...]

“A great farter. He can fart. He can fart loud — the loudest farts. Silent farts.”

See? Not everything Dwight Howard did in Orlando was a total disaster. Every group of people needs at least one person who is great at farting and that includes basketball teams. In fact, I’d argue that basketball teams need them the most, just to keep things light during a strenuous season. That’s the main reason DeAndre Jordan got such a big contract, after all.

Plus, if you really think about it, farting around a professional basketball team is a pretty low risk/high reward maneuver. Everybody there already stinks so you’re not really going to stand out unless it’s breathtakingly horrible, but you still get the definite benefit of some fart joke laughs, which are almost always guaranteed. If you’re the team’s best farter, you should really bring the thunder. It’ll only bring the team closer together (and then back apart once they take a big whiff).

Nonetheless, there is a big, stinky hole down in Orlando that needs to be filled. Who is going to fill that void? My money’s on Hedo Turkoglu stepping up because I know firsthand what pizza can do to a human body. It’s now or never. Let ‘em rip.

(via SB Nation)

Years from now, when we live on space stations and talk via brain-to-brain interfaces, we’ll tell our astro children about the time when Chris Paul was a Laker (and when they ask what a Laker is, we’ll tell them it was an Earth basketball team full of humans, which they will probably process before retreating to their galaxy pods for a game of planetball). It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. And then it was all over two hours later. But still, he had some great moments as a Laker.

As we all know, after the trade was rescinded, Chris Paul ended up a Clipper, leaving the Lakers with a whole bunch of players who could be traded in the future if the NBA’s best center should happen to hit the market after the Lakers had already acquired a top flight point guard. And as we all know, that’s exactly what happened. And for that, Snoop Dogg is very happy. From the Los Angeles Times:

“We want to thank Commissioner David Stern for vetoing the Chris Paul trade and allowing us to get Dwight Howard,” Snoop said. “I didn’t like it before, but right now I’d like to personally thank him from the city of Los Angeles to open up the Dwight Howard trade. We got what we needed, so thank you Commissioner.”

For a while there (less than a year), it seemed like things might not end up going totally and completely the Lakers’ way. But then, shock of all shocks, the Dwight Howard ended up going exactly how everything expected. All because David Stern decided to rescind a trade for the first time ever.

Yeah, maybe it cost the Lakers a season of Kobe Bryant’s prime, suffering through having to play with two jerks who are only in the top five at their positions instead of just one of them alongside a top five player in the league, but I think they’ll agree that this whole situation worked out just fine, as it tends to for the Lakers. Even when things don’t work out for the Lakers, they still work out for the Lakers. If Snoop Dogg can see through the haze to realize that’s the case, it must be true.

Confused by the headline? Let me break it down for you.

Kick Buttowski is the star of “Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil” and in the realm of that show he is a huge fan of Rock Callahan, an action movie star who is voiced by Dwight Howard doing a really weird, kind of robotic voice. In this episode (airing September 22), however, Rock Callahan plays Kick Buttowski in a movie. Yes, that means in a show about the fictional character Kick Buttowski, another character plays a fictional fictional Kick Buttowski in a movie. It’s kind of like in “Austin Powers in Goldmember,” when Tom Cruise is playing Austin Powers in “Austinpussy,” only it’s animated and stars the best center in the NBA. This is, no joke, Dwight’s greatest achievement of the past year.

After the jump, cartoon Dwight battling cartoon Tony Reali, while still doing that weird voice thing. Still not a joke. Sports.

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When we were in the middle of Dwight Howard’s will-he-won’t-he-didn’t-he-?-no-wait-he-didn’t-cool-sparkly-jeans-now-he’s-injured-and-out-for-the-playoffs disaster of a 2011-12 season, people couldn’t help but wondering whether what Dwight was doing to the Magic was worse than what LeBron James did to the Cavaliers. On one hand, you have a guy going on TV to announce he wanted to play basketball with his friends. On the other hand, you have a guy who couldn’t decide what he wanted to do and didn’t want to make anyone mad. Either way you choose, it’s like picking your favorite 8-year-old mindset.

Nonetheless, there were mistakes made by both guys. And that’s fine, except one guy had nearly two years to learn from the mistakes of the other, which is exactly what Dwight Howard is saying he wishes he would have done. From ESPN:

“That’s one of the lessons that I learned, you know. I can’t make everybody happy,” Howard told Bucher, in an interview for ESPN’s “Sunday Conversation.”

“And it was a tug of war between my feelings and the fans and everybody else and their feelings and what happened to LeBron. And I saw him — everybody hated him for leaving Cleveland and what he did,” Howard said of LeBron James’ free-agent move from the Cleveland Cavaliers to the Miami Heat in 2010. “I never wanted anybody to hate me, you know. I wanted everybody to love me, you know, like me, for sticking around and doing what they wanted me to do. And making everybody else happy. And that was a valuable lesson for me, you know.

“I can’t make everybody happy.”

Here’s that passage interpreted — “I wanted to be traded, but I opted-in to my contract because I was scared people would be mad at me.” That’s a pretty bold admission, even though we all knew that was exactly what was happening. At least Dwight can finally be honest enough to admit he was scared of being booed, though he should have had the foresight to understand that dragging things out would only make it worse. He should have known he couldn’t have it both ways. There’s no possible world where you can be beloved by fans while also trying to weasel your way out of their favorite team. It’s like he only saw that people hated LeBron and not why people hated LeBron.

It also really sounds like he regrets waiving that opt-out clause during last season’s trade deadline, but Dwight says that isn’t the case.

“I don’t have any regrets, you know. I think everything happened the way that it was meant to happen,” Howard said Saturday in an interview with ESPN The Magazine senior writer Ric Bucher. “I really just wish some of the lies and some of the things being said didn’t come out the way it did, you know.”

Either Dwight really learned a lot and enjoyed playing those 10 post-deadline games he spent with the Magic before finally shutting things down and missing the playoffs to undergo back surgery — something that made some people like him even less, even though his injury was totally legit — or Dwight doesn’t know what “regret” means. Because he’s also saying that he learned you can’t make everybody happy, and he’s saying that in the context of why he signed on for another half-season with the Magic. And it sure sounds like he’s saying he’d do things differently if he had the chance. That is a roundabout definition of regret, if you ask me.

But whatever. The main thing is that Dwight finally said something we’ve always known to be true: “I wanted everybody to love me.” That is the thing that matters most to Dwight Howard and that’s why last year was so stupid. It’ll be interesting to see how he handles playing on a team that a lot of people hate, alongside a player who’s been hated almost his entire career. Is he the kind of player that wants to prove how good he really is, just to shut people up? Or is the kind of guy who’s going to keep worrying about making everybody happy and being the fun-loving guy everyone fell for back in the 2008 dunk contest? That’s going to be one of the biggest, most interesting questions of this coming seasons and that’s why I’m so excited. Hurry up and get here, NBA.

(via PBT)

Haha, it’s a big, huge guy walking around in just his underwear. Get it? Still as fresh and funny as the first time Shaq walked around wearing barely anything. And the second.

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When he was copying Shaquille O’Neal’s seminal text, ” The Guide to Being Big and Fun,” Dwight Howard forgot to read the part where doing terrible Chinese accents can get you in trouble. Whoops.

On the other hand, it’s good to find someone who does a worse Chinese accent than Leigh.

(via With Leather)