Archive for the ‘Facial Hair’ Category

“It ain’t hard to maintain. I’ve got a good barber.”Mike Woodson, who has apparently switched barbers in the past few years

Athletes trademarking various things about themselves isn’t new. Just last month, Jeremy Lin won the trademark battle for “Linsanity,” which was a real thing that people were fighting about. If there’s money to be made from the sale of something, it’s better to protect that moneymaker than to let someone profit off of it. I learned all about this in a college course called “Things About Business That You Pretty Much Already Know.”

So it’s no surprise that Anthony Davis would trademark “Fear the Brow” and “Raise the Brow” in order to secure the rights to his prodigious forehead caterpillar. However, the reason behind why he wanted to trademark it is the true surprise. From CNBC:

“I don’t want anyone to try to grow a unibrow because of me and then try to make money off of it,” Davis told CNBC. “Me and my family decided to trademark it because it’s very unique.”

Hahahahahahahahaha. SURE. Sure, Anthony Davis. I’d definitely be worried that people are going to see your unibrow and be like, “Whoa. I can make so much money if I just grow a unibrow.” People have been conditioned to be grossed out by unibrows for years, but now they’re going to see it’s profitability? Probably not.

I mean, does he really think this is going to happen?

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Have you always wanted a gigantic James Harden beard to honor your favorite left-handed sixth man, but don’t want to grow all that pesky facial hair? Lucky for you, the Tulsa World has a solution — cutout James Harden beards that are circulating in their dailies. Such a wonderful solution for the less hirsute among us, or for those of us whose significant others wouldn’t be OK with a small mammal hanging from our faces. Get yours right here.

But it doesn’t just stop at beards, the World also offers some suggestions for using your new fake beards.

Beard mask: Cut out beard. Attach tape at the ends to reinforce the paper and then poke small holes through the tape tabs. Tie pieces of string through the holes and tie at the back of your head.

Beard banner: Cut out several beards from papers and tape them to a string. Hang from a mantel or doorway where guests will be entering.

Beard fan(atic): Glue the beard cutout to cardboard, a manila folder or cardstock for stability and then cut out the cardboard. Glue the beard to a tongue depressor. Then, feel free to wave your beard in the air, like you just don’t care.

Beard centerpiece Cut out five beards and glue or tape them together at the sideburns, forming a circle. Use as a centerpiece on your party table around candles, serving bowls, etc.

While those are all really great suggestions that everyone should do, I think we can all agree that the best of those wonderful ideas is making a beard mask. No offense, Tulsa World, but creating a centerpiece out of paper to hold candles is a fire hazard.

So let’s stick to beards. I’m wearing one right now, in fact. And really, they look great on everyone. I took the time to put James Harden beards on some people who have meant a lot to me over the years, just to prove to you how versatile this look really is.

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“I love James Harden, but John Lennon is the inspiration for my beard.”Royce White, instantly becoming a lot of people’s favorite rookie

 Now is the time of the year when we start learning that various teams are growing facial hair for the playoffs. So really, not news that the Clippers would be getting down on the beard action. Can’t wait to see how bad Vinny Del Negro looks with a beard, but otherwise, no big deal.

However, the first 45 seconds of this, when all the Clippers are doing all kinds of stuff to ruin this interview, is amazing. DeAndre Jordan is obviously a fan of “Chapelle’s Show,” and I just think that’s great. Nice job by everyone to make this worth watching.

(via I Am a GM)

Kevin Love hasn’t played a basketball game for nearly two weeks, so you can understand that he might be getting bored. And when people get bored, they do some crazy things, like I don’t know, shave their beard in to a mustache. That’s what Kevin Love did at least, posting the results to Twitter because no one loves a good mustache more than the internet.

And since this is the internet, now seems like an appropriate time to turn Kevin Love and his new mustache in to a meme of sorts. Just throw a little Impact font on it and Mustachioed Kevin Love becomes a very friendly character.

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If you know two things about Mike Woodson, odds are they both relate to facial hair.

  1. He has the strongest goatee in the league. It’s just a thick black stripe of hair from nose to chin, broken up only by a pair of lips.
  2. His eyebrows once disappeared with no explanation for their absence, only to be replaced by Velcro strips.

That was more than two years ago and even though it was the weirdest thing to happen to an NBA face in the past decade, Steve Nash’s eyeball free throw face excepted, no one has ever really given a reason for why it happened. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a conclusion coming in the near future. From the New York Times:

In January 2010, Hawks players and staff members dubbed their coach Mr. Potato Head, after Woodson’s eyebrows mysteriously disappeared. (The phenomenon has never been explained; some speculate that Woodson, an avid cigar smoker, might have accidentally burned them off.) Woodson laughed along with his players.

OK, so this isn’t definitely the reason Mike Woodson’s eyebrows were gone that one fateful night, but it’s a better explanation than the possibly apocryphal story that Woodson shaved off his eyebrows to motivate the Hawks. If Mike Woodson really did burn off his eyebrows with a cigar, then that’s even funnier than anything you could have made up.

That being said, if you were to come up with a better cover story for Woodson’s missing brows and put it in the comments, I wouldn’t mind.