As Michael Beasley slammed a chicken tenders basket at his locker about 90 minutes before his Phoenix Suns were to face the Dallas Mavericks on Sunday, he seemed more pleased with the savory french fries than digging up the past yet again.
“These fries are good, man,” Beasley said between shoveling handfuls of the greasy goodness into his mouth.
And how did he play with that belly full of fried food? Not too well, surprisingly.
After rifling through the chicken finger basket and dressing for the game while rapping out loud the inaudible lyrics streaming through his headphones, Beasley managed 12 points on 4-for-10 shooting and four rebounds. He recorded a team-worst minus-17 in 20 minutes and the Suns lost for the 30th time in 45 games.
Let’s just file this stuff — that Michael Beasley isn’t big on nutrition and loves snacks, that it is hard to play professional basketball well with a stomach filled with fried stuff — under “Things We Could Have Guessed About Michael Beasley.” It’ll fit in nicely with “thinks you can only sprain your ankle once” and “likes Afros.” It’s a short list, but it’s very accurate.
Sometimes a video can be funny and life-affirming at the same time. For instance, this one, which makes you laugh but also reassures you that everything that you thought happened in a locker room where Glen Davis is the biggest star — trying to find sandwiches, lots of jokes, a complete and total dismissal of the entire fruit food group — does indeed happen. It’s just nice to know that you’re not crazy and that some things are exactly what they seem.
Things are so bad for the Los Angeles Lakers that their fans are legitimately excited about Earl Clark, who barely got off the bench for the Phoenix Suns or Orlando Magic during the first three seasons of his career. But now that he’s settled in as a replacement starter averaging nearly a double-double in 36 minutes per game with the first unit (you know, DeJuan Blair numbers), the Earl of Los Angeles is allowed to make a few requests for his 25th birthday, which comes this Thursday and coincides with a game against the Miami Heat.
With the Lakers playing the Miami Heat Thursday on what will be his 25th birthday, Clark offered one wish.
“All I would like is a win,” Clark said, “and maybe some cake.”
As if they weren’t already, Lakers fans should be very happy their favorite team traded Kwame Brown a few years ago. On top of everything else that’s happened during this dreadful season, the last thing they need is another cake-tossing incident. You can withstand it once as a franchise, but that second one is really embarrassing.
I wouldn’t have bet money on this, but La La Vasquez — Carmelo Anthony’s wife, MTV VJ/reality television star and ostensible focal point of this endlessly dumb Kevin Garnett nonsense — has somehow come out the victor in this whole mess. She attained victory last night with a single tweet. Here it is.
Not for nothing,but we ALL deserve a check or some free cereal 4all the publicity we’ve given Honey Nut Cheerios! LOL #cantbelieveeverything
As far as ways to respond to (maybe, probably) being insulted by a future Hall of Famer, this is how you do it. Best possible response. Flawless victory.
Thanks for reading this week’s issue of US Weekly.