Young tried to grow out his hair to compete with teammate and all-star center Andrew Bynum, whose awkward afro has garnered headlines since his brittle knees have kept him sidelined all season. Eventually, Young had to relent.
“Aw, man. Ain’t no competing with that. Have you seen that? He got me,” Young said. “I tried but he started doing some…I don’t know what he been doing. But that’s Andrew. That’s how he’s been all year.”
All this time I thought Nick Young was growing a nouveau Jheri curl because he wanted to be Michael Jackson circa “Thriller,” but it turns out he had entered himself in to an Afro-growing contest with Andrew Bynum. I thought the MJ thing was perfect, but this is even better. Especially since it’s not entirely clear if Bynum even knew he was part of the contest. (Honestly, I hope he wasn’t and that Nick Young was competing because he couldn’t live with having the second-biggest hair on his team.)
Honestly, I can’t believe he didn’t get a cartoon version of his face carved back there. Seems like a VERY Amir Johnson thing to do. But I guess when you know somebody with blood red hair dye, you might as well get your team’s logo. That’s just practical.
How much higher can the afro grow?
“Oh man, I want it to go forever, man. There’s going to come and point in time where it’s not going to be growing, so I might as well enjoy it while I have it.”
Why flatten it like Dora the Explorer that one time?
“It wasn’t Dora, man. It was ‘Pimp Named Slickback’ (a character from The Boondocks cartoon). No, I flattened it because it gets boring picking it out all the time.”
Just when you thought Andrew Bynum’s hair couldn’t get any better, he goes out and answer questions and compares himself to a cartoon character while worrying that he’ll lose his hair someday. Personally, I hope he never cuts it for the rest of his life so he can be a) the NBA’s first 8-foot tall basketball player and b) asked about it all the time so he can always give great answers.
Every pair of scissors, clippers and shears in all of Philadelphia and the surrounding areas should immediately be thrown in the garbage. Let’s keep this thing around. Forever.
Good thing Kevin Harlan read that promo or we might have heard an uninterrupted story about one of the greatest mysteries in the NBA this season — where that random orange patch of hair on Hasheem Thabeet’s head came from. But I guess you have to know if Luol Deng will be able to outscore Kevin Durant or not.
But still, that’s a really nice story. Glad to hear it’s not just because he’s really in to Wiz Khalifa or something like that.
Adjusting to the NBA is hard for all rookies, let alone a guy like Alexey Shved who has to learn a new language in addition to figuring out how to play basketball a bunch of super tall, super fast guys. That’s why he’s lucky to have great veterans who have traveled that same path like Nikola Pekovic and Andrei Kirlenko around to advise him on important things like cutting his ponytail.
“You think because of that we win?” Pekovic asked. “Me and AK, we make him to cut his hair. Now he look like a man.”
To be fair, the Timberwolves were 1-1 while Alexey Shved was doing his best Lou Amundson impression. So Shved looking like some random dude who probably drives a Camaro (read: “a man”) but could be from anywhere isn’t the only reason they won. But the young Russian did have the best game of his NBA career last night, pouring in all 10 of his points in the fourth quarter of Minnesota’s comeback win, so his hair advisory committee may be on to something. At the very least, he has to be more aerodynamic with less hair.
There’s one glaring problem with this plan though. Now that some of the Timberwolves’ foreign contingent has forced their newest member to cut his locks this early in the season, where do they go from here? It seems like they already used their greatest motivational tactic just a week in to the season, since there’s no way that Shved trimming his boring hair when it grows out won’t have nearly the same effect on his game. Maybe convincing him to shave his goatee is the next step. It’s not much hair, but people grow so attached to their facial hair, I can see it having a positive effect. Just wait until after the All-Star break to give it a shot.
Just be warned, Timberwolves, that people have made Alexey Shved cut his hair before, only to renege on such a request when they realize that his hair gives him his basketball powers. Tricky stuff, forcing another man to cut his hair. Be careful what you wish for.