Archive for the ‘Haircuts’ Category

This is a picture from Marquis Daniels of Drew Gooden’s “hair.” It lends itself to one question — what in the world is going on with Drew Gooden’s hair?

There are a few different scenarios I can envision that might explain what is happening back there:

  • Jealous of Carlos Boozer’s infamous paint hair stealing his thunder as mediocre power forward with the most unfortunate hair.
  • Is actually a Wooly Willy.
  • Some sort of weird tribute to Hawaii.
  • Forgot how to cut the ducktail.
  • After recently shaving his head, he put on a brand new hooded sweatshirt and some of the fuzz from the inside of the hood got stuck on his stubble.
  • Big fan of Friar Tuck.
  • Bad Nike product placement.
  • Lost another bet to DeShawn Stevenson.
  • Head was left in the back of the fridge for a little bit too long, then when it started to smell his housekeeper cleaned out the fridge and pulled out his head and this is what it looked like.

Other than that, I’m stumped. Good to know I was right on the money about Drew Gooden being one of the weirdest players in the league. Get this man a razor.

They always say that style is cyclical and that everything that used to be popular will end up being cool again some day. They must be right because Nick Collison and Steve Nash both showed up to Media Day with side parts and I’m pretty sure they didn’t plan it. I blame Don Draper.

Nonetheless, if two of the most stylish guys in the league are wearing side parts for a day where they’re having pictures taken that will be used the entire season, then you know side parts must be cool. And seriously, when you look at how cool these guys are with side parts, you’ll understand how huge this look is going to be.

Quite obviously, this is going to be a popular hairstyle that catches on around the league. Side parts are the new cornrows, or so I heard. Plus, if it primes the pump for a Jeff Hornacek comeback, then I’m all for it.

(Instagrams via Royce Young and the Lakers)

Yep, still funny.

Kind of wish they would have stopped here though. Very Samuel L. Jackson in “Unbreakable,” which is kind of fitting for Brook Lopez. Next time.

Whether it’s due to injuries or playing for teams that have been largely irrelevant for the duration of their careers, Brook and Robin Lopez’s hair doesn’t get enough publicity. Sure, we all know it’s funny and we’ve heard a bajillion Sideshow Bob jokes regarding Robin, but for the most part we’ve just come to consider that part of their oeuvre fairly minor when compared to everything else about them, which is certainly understandable any time you hear them speak. You try competing with those voices for laughs. It’s impossible.

But lucky for us, events have transpired that allow us to enjoy these two dudes’ hair for what it really is: very funny hair. And for that, we have Brook to thank, as he finally got his bird’s nest cut yesterday at a charity event. That’s the picture you see up top, which is just the best. Look how nervous he is. Then afterwards, look how despondent he is to have lost his precious curls.

As a curly-haired bro who understands the patience it takes to finally have a head of hair you’re proud of, I can understand why Brook would look so upset. He’s probably been growing that puff for a while, finally enjoying the fruits of his labor, and then it’s just gone. Sure, it’s for charity and I’m sure he’s happy to have done it, but I bet he’s still pretty sad to see it go. That’s a lot of work on the barber shop floor.

But because this is a Lopez twin, who was presumably talking at some point during this event, anything he said had to have been funny, right? Right.

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Maybe you have heard about this little bit of secret NBA knowledge, but the Oklahoma City Thunder used to be the Seattle SuperSonics. I know, it’s surprising. Hardly anyone ever talks about this, so you are forgiven if you’ve never heard this covert information.

But anyways, animosity exists between these two fan bases, with some Seattle fans hating the Thunder because they had their team stolen. Understandable, but sometimes it goes too far. Like, for instance, when a Thunder fan is trying to get his haircut in Seattle, only to be kicked out of the chair for cheering for the wrong team. From a recent Yelp review:

The situation. I have a 4pm appointment with Niko, today. I arrive a half an hour early because I took the bus, which I rarely do so it’s better to be early than late.

I’m sitting there reading an old ESPN magazine when John starts ranting about how 63 percent of people polled in Seattle are supporters of the NBA Thunder team and the rest are not, something to this extent. He goes on to call anybody in Seattle who supports this team complete idiots and wonders where they are; he’s never met them etc. I mention to him casually, as in, casual barbershop sport talk manner, that I am Thunder fan and have been a fan of Kevin Durant since he played in Seattle. I go on to ask him how the Thunder owner stealing the Super Sonics from us relates to rooting for Kevin Durant and other former Sonics players.

John says, “There’s the door.” And gives me a rude, I just ate a piece of sh*t for breakfast look.

I mention that he’s not the person appointed to cut my hair and he’s taking this thing super seriously. He says, “yes I am taking this super seriously.” At this point, a solid “WTF” is going through my head. There’s at least 8 people in the shop and it’s dead quiet, my barber obviously isn’t backing me up even though this asshole is about to cost him business of a loyal customer of almost 2 years so I go up to John, look him in his face and say, “Alright then.” I go to Niko, “alright then Niko”…”Alright then, Rich.” And then I’m out, never to return.

Obviously, since this is the internet and trickery happens, this could be a fake story. As long as we all agree that could be the case, we can have some laughs about this actually being the case. Why would you make this up? And if you did, why would you post it as a Yelp review? I’m choosing to believe it’s real because it’s hilarious and that’s how I want to live my life.

Besides, don’t you want the world to be a place where barbers can kick people out of their shops for the dumbest reasons? Me too. It makes things way better, like a real life version of “Barbershop,” which I haven’t seen since sophomore year of college but I am assuming it is exactly like this. Or maybe it’s like those old Nike barbershop commercials from the 90′s, only far more angry.

Whatever the case, this just goes to show you that the only thing that can come between a man and cutting hair is deep-seated hatred for people he has never met that should be playing sports in his city. I think we all knew that was the case, but it’s glad to have some evidence to back it up.

(via That NBA Lottery Pick)

My favorite part of this Tony Parker haircut — and I don’t want to speak for everyone, but I am going to go out on a limb and assume that it is all of our favorite parts because we all seem to maintain a similar ethos with regards to hair portraits of NBA players — is about halfway through when you see a pre-paint Tony and his stubbly beard is just this guy’s partially trimmed hair. I don’t know why that makes me laugh so much, but I am guessing that it is because I never realized how much Tony Parker’s face looks like the back of a head.

Turns out, very much. Good to know.

(via Project Spurs)

One of the greatest NBA successes of last season was when Deron Williams started wearing a headband after being traded to the Nets. That tiny strip of terrycloth brightened our lives, covering that weird spot of sideburn that Deron always gets trimmed for some reason and making it seem like all his hair was connected. After five-and-a-half seasons of that stoplight haircut, it was a solid and much-needed camouflage job.

But apparently, Salt Lake City wasn’t happy with that little change. They still love the old Deron Williams haircut and are still requesting it at local barbers for some reason. From Salt Lake City Weekly:

“OK, it’s really important you don’t talk too much,” said my barber, John, as he cranked back the chair. He peeled off the hot towel and brushed on a soapy lather. It was difficult to shut up because we were in a deep discussion about trendy celebrity trims people ask for.

“Question, do people still request the Clooney?” I asked.

“No, not really. But I get a lot of requests for the Deron Williams fade.”

Utah bros, come on. Let me rap about haircuts to you for just a little bit.

Don’t do it.

Get the Clooney. Get the Gosling. Get the Lynch. Get the Webster. Get the James Johnson if you want. Just don’t get the Deron Williams. For your own sake.

It’s your hair and it’s a free country and you can do what you want with your locks, so do it if you really, really want to. I’m not trying to be a haircut dictator about this. I’m just saying that maybe the Deron Williams isn’t the best choice. For anyone, Deron Williams included. There are so many options out there. Get a Dee Brown, Roger Powell or Warren Carter if you want to keep the whole 2005 Illini vibe alive. Get a Boozer, Kirilenko or Sloan if you want to rep the Jazz. Explore the follicular possibilities.

Or just get the Deron Williams. Whatever. It’s your call. Just be prepared for people to joke about your hair on Twitter all the time. That’s the trade-off. You decide if it’s worth it.