Archive for the ‘Haircuts’ Category

Or actually — Coolio hair, James Johnson. Get it? You get it. Because of the sproutsies.

Even better, it’s called “The James Johnson.” Might try this.

(via Raptors Twitter/Tassy)

There are a lot of good reasons a player gets traded. Maybe they are a part of a package that’s put together to lure a big name in a deadline deal. They could be buried behind other players, and management thinks it’s best for both parties if they move the player. In today’s NBA, they could just be a huge star who decides which team they want to play for, forcing their current team to trade them. Tons of reasons, good ones, for players to be traded.

But of all the reasons ever to trade anyone, this one is the best: a mullet. That’s what former NBA journeyman Dwayne Schintzius says got him traded way back in 1990. From the Tampa Bay Online:

Former University of Florida basketball center Dwayne Schintzius, of Brandon High, was the NBA draft’s 24th overall pick in 1990. He liked the San Antonio Spurs and anticipated a long career there. But Spurs general manager Bob Bass didn’t care for Schintzius’ “lobster” hairstyle.

“He told me to cut it,” Schintzius said. “So I got it cut and sent him the shavings in an envelope. I’m not sure he appreciated that. And then, away I went.”

Clearly, this was pre-R.C. Buford, because a savvy basketball man like that would never move one of the NBA’s most legendary haircuts. But back in 1990, no one knew how important it was to have a guy with a hilarious haircut on your bench. Why do you think Drew Gooden’s had such a long career?

Being traded because of a mullet is just the way you want to start your NBA career. Also a very good move to show up your first general manager, especially after everyone knows you’ve fought with your coach all through college. That’s one way to really endear yourself to the league’s decision makers. Stunts like those are the kind of things that get around.

Besides, it’s a mullet we’re talking about. I get that they’re kitschy and hilarious, but they’re also ugly and one of the worst haircuts anyone could ever have. It’s like Wesley Willis says, “The mullet is the reason that people hate you.” I guess he was right.

New best NBA haircut that didn’t even last a night. Duh.

(via Chris Vernon)

If you look good, you feel good. That’s something we’ve all heard at some point in our lives. And, as this weird girl in my freshman year chemistry course once said, “I like to get dressed up for exams because if you look good, you’ll do better on your test.” That’s probably not true because she wasn’t the best student, but it certainly fits in with that ethos. Essentially, the first step to success is fixing up and looking sharp.

So that’s why it’s understandable that Jameer Nelson would be so terrified that he wasn’t at his most beautiful for last night’s nationally televised game against the Knicks. From the New York Daily News:

As Magic point guard Jameer Nelson was warming up 90 minutes before tip-off Thursday night he asked assistant coach Brendan Malone: “This game is on TNT? Since when?”

When told the game was a national broadcast, Nelson replied: “I better go get my hair cut.”

Oh, man — gotta hate going on TV with raggedy hair. Not a good look, which is probably why Jameer only had 10 points and seven assists. I don’t want to blame anything on his appearance, but I’d surmise that 90 percent of his just-OK performance stems from the fact that it was probably at least a week since he’d been tapered up.

What this proves is that NBA players definitely care about what they look like on TV. It’s no different than you taking a shower before heading in to your data coordinator job where you really just look at the Internet all day. No one likes to be the out-of-place, weird-looking dude around the workplace. Nice to be reminded that’s the case in the NBA too.

That being said, Jameer Nelson probably didn’t need a haircut. In fact, I think his hair has looked the exact same in every single game that he’s played in this entire career. No worries.