Archive for the ‘Houston Rockets’ Category

Jeremy Lin’s inaugural couch power rankings

Posted by Trey Kerby under Houston Rockets, Jeremy Lin on Sep 19, 2012

There are a few things we all know about Jeremy Lin: 1) he plays professional basketball, 2) he slept on couches when he arrived in New York, 3) he had a bunch of great games post-couch, 4) he’s now a Houston Rocket. That’s not the entire Jeremy Lin story, but if that’s the base knowledge you’re working from, you’re going to be able to handle most casual Jeremy Lin conversations.

The couch thing is so big, in fact, that Lin revisited the meme upon arriving in Houston. Since Chandler Parsons did eventually let Lin crash on his couch, we needed some follow-up on how Parsons’ couch held up compared to the other couches Lin has graced. And that’s where we get the basis for Jeremy Lin’s inaugural couch power rankings. From the Houston Chronicle:

Determined not to let success change him, Lin spent his first night back in town sleeping on teammate Chandler Parsons’ couch, rating it just a touch behind his brother’s and well ahead of former Knicks teammate Landry Fields’.

After all the votes were tallied, here are the results.

JEREMY LIN’S COUCH POWER RANKINGS (first place votes in parentheses)

1. Josh Lin’s couch (1)
2. Chandler Parsons’ couch
3. Landry Fields’ couch
Also receiving votes: pink couch from “The Simpsons,” Tim Couch, Sigmund Freud’s couch

As you can see, voting for Jeremy Lin’s couch power rankings was pretty tight, and his brother’s couch should be proud to top the list. Check back next week (not really) for an updated list, assuming Jeremy Lin finally gets the furniture he ordered.

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Chandler Parsons likes being nicknamed after ‘Friends’

Posted by Trey Kerby under Chandler Parsons, Houston Rockets, Nicknames on Sep 14, 2012

Just the other day, Skeets and I got in to a discussion about the best nicknames of all-time. The legends were all considered (the Iceman, Cornbread, the Matrix) and the sad state of current affairs was lamented (D-Will, D-Rose, D-Wade), then finally we concluded that having a name that’s good for rhyming typically makes for some of the best nicknames (the Stilt, the Glide, the Vanilla Gorilla).

But here’s a new category we didn’t consider — players being nicknamed after 1990s sitcoms. Because apparently, that’s all the rage. From Rockets.com:

JCF: I’ve noticed a lot of talk about Chandler Parsons nicknames of late. I saw Daryl Morey and Matt Bullard discussing that very topic via Twitter last week. What do you want to be called?

CP: Honestly, I was kind of feeling the Chandler Bang for a little bit …

JCF: I always thought that one fit the best.

CP: I like that. I hate Mad Chicken. I think that’s the corniest, most awful nickname ever. And I can’t be CP; there can only be one CP in the NBA. So I think I like Chandler Bang.

Yeah, of course. Who wouldn’t love being nicknamed after a beloved sitcom character notorious for his sarcasm? Plus, he’s got the hair for it. Could “Chandler Bang” be a more perfect nickname for Chandler Parsons?

And if he likes that nickname, then he’s going to love these.

  • Jeff “Rachel” Green, power forward for the Boston Celtics
  • David Schwingate, former journeyman shooting guard
  • Jay Tribbianio, former coach of the Toronto Raptors
  • Ramonica “Gellar” Sessions, point guard for the Charlotte Bobcats
  • Koebe Bryfayant, shooting guard for the Los Angeles Lakers
  • Steven Gunther, former 76ers center

I see where Chandler Parsons is coming from with this, because coming up with “Friends”-themed nicknames is pretty fun. Feel free to add yours in the comments.

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Video: Royce White’s draft night

Posted by Trey Kerby under Houston Rockets, Royce White, Score Video on Sep 05, 2012

Grantland launched a YouTube channel today, tipping off with a short documentary of the 24 hours in Royce White’s life when he got drafted in to the NBA. Simply put, it’s excellent and you should watch it immediately.

We’ve heard a lot about White’s battles with anxiety but watching him fight it on the biggest night of his life is incredible. At times, it seems like he’s elated, terrified and completely on edge, all at once. There’s footage of him getting on a flight to Houston, which is just about the most stressful thing you’ll ever watch on YouTube, but then there’s also scrimmage tape of White joking around with his college teammates while hooping on the day of the draft. It’s only eight minutes, but it really feels like you get a pretty good idea of what it’s like to be Royce White. He’s candid and eloquent about his fears and that just makes this whole thing even better.

Really, I think we’re all kind of rooting for Royce White. He’s fun to watch and he seems so, so human, even down to the fact that he’ll spend his Sunday night slamming some idiot blogger who doesn’t like Maroon 5 and just wants everyone to listen to the Beatles. If you can’t get behind that, sorry.

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Bad news regarding Royce White’s listening habits

Posted by Trey Kerby under Houston Rockets, Music, Royce White on Aug 31, 2012

When Rockets rookie Royce White claimed his beard was a tribute to John Lennon, we all thought it was pretty cool. After all, the Beatles are the best band ever and a 21-year-old coming in to the NBA proclaiming them as a favorite is neat. You just don’t expect it. From that point on, helped by his fun passing in this offseason’s summer league, Royce White won some fans for his exquisite musical taste.

Well, I don’t mean to burst the Royce White bubble, but he doesn’t exclusively listen to great music. From Rockets.com:

JCF: Well I can’t let you go without asking you a bit about what you’ve been listening to this summer. What have you been immersing yourself in musically of late?

RW: I’m really doing a lot of my own things right now. I think you’ll hear this from other people who are very creative: I’m really focused on blocking out all the popular things so that they don’t influence you and that you don’t just become another piece of the pop movement. Of course if your things are successful then they become popular, but it’s important to have your own identity. So I’m really trying to create my own identity without having too much influence.

I definitely listen to a lot of OneRepublic. Maroon 5 is one of my favorite bands and they just came out with a new album. Even though they have a new band member, he’s fantastic and it’s just a different Maroon 5. And I’m still into the Beatles. I’m really trying to go back and find unheard Beatles material now – that’s what I’m really into: the under the radar stuff; who was writing with them; who was helping them. So I’ve been trying to find that stuff out and then going to listen to those people’s music as well.

So I’ve just been digging, getting into music history – that’s what I’m into. But OneRepublic is always classic and Maroon 5 is obviously pretty good, too.

OneRepublic is “always a classic?” Maroon 5 is “obviously pretty good?” Trying to find “unheard Beatles material” that could somehow be considered under the radar? This is just messed up. I’m not sure if I like the idea of the NBA’s biggest Beatles fan liking these bands.

That being said, it could be way worse. If you change the OneRepublic to One Direction, Maroon 5 to S Club 7 and unheard Beatles material to Ringo Starr solo albums, then things would get really embarrassing. Let’s considered this bullet barely dodged and hope Royce White gets his hands on some Billy Preston records.

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Video: Chandler Parsons asks his teammates the greatest interview question

Posted by Trey Kerby under Houston Rockets, Score Video on Jul 23, 2012

I don’t know if Chandler Parsons asking every NBA player “How reassuring and fun is it to play with a guy as cool as me?” would have the same impact, but I’d sure like to see him try. Could make for a really great supercut, if he’s interested.

(via The Dream Shake)

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Melo congratulates Jeremy Lin, looks hilarious while sleeping

Posted by Trey Kerby under Houston Rockets, New York Knicks, Score Video on Jul 20, 2012

OK good, I guess that “ridiculous” beef is squashed since Carmelo Anthony and Jeremy Lin are texting each other and Melo is congratulating his ex-teammate, not for finally getting out of the way in New York at all no way it’s not that, but for getting paid. I’m glad that issue can be put to bed and we can all sleep easier at night, not having to worry if these two guys like each other.

Oh, and speaking of sleep.

Dark sunglasses and a sleep mask — is Carmelo Anthony a vampire whose eyes are dangerously sensitive to sunlight? I’m not going to rule it out.

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What it might be like the morning after a casual sexual encounter with James Dolan

Posted by Chris Gethard under Houston Rockets, New York Knicks, Random on Jul 18, 2012

A completely satirical and wholly imagined and therefore non-litigation baiting fantasy by lifelong New York Knicks fan Chris Gethard.

INT. PENTHOUSE – MORNING

We close up on CHRIS GETHARD, 32, a physically weak man of ginger complexion, as he opens his eyes and yawns. He stretches and slides ever so gently across the silver silk sheets that cover the enormous waterbed he’s been sleeping in. Chris is naked — when he realizes this is the case, he grabs the top sheet, which features a picture of Isiah Thomas riding a tiger who has Paul Wall-style platinum grill fangs instead of regular tiger fangs, and covers his naughty parts.

He looks across the room and we see that the penthouse he’s in is the entire top floor of a New York City skyscraper. There are floor to ceiling windows wrapping around the entire room. Standing across from the bed with his back to Chris is NEW YORK KNICKS OWNER JAMES DOLAN, 56, wearing a red silk robe emblazoned with a golden dragon. Dolan is facing outwards, his hands raised at his sides. His robe is hanging open.

CHRIS GETHARD
James — your robe is open. The entire city of New York can see your genitals.

JAMES DOLAN
The city of New York takes what I give them. And what I want them to have right now is a face full of my junk; just a big heaping face full of the body part that represents my own overzealous alpha male bullshit as well as my own sense of vanity. Right in your face, New York! Taste that dick! Hahahahahahaha.

CHRIS GETHARD
Jesus, sometimes I don’t know what to make of you. It’s as if you want to be perceived as a maniacal and vengeful rich kid who fancies himself a power broker and goes out of his way to do inexplicable and spiteful things to one of the most dedicated fan bases in the world of sports.

JAMES DOLAN
Whatever.

CHRIS GETHARD
Hey, new topic — I’ve got to visit my parents in Jersey today, I think I’m going to rent a Zipcar to head out there.

JAMES DOLAN
Why would you rent a car? I have so many cars!

CHRIS GETHARD
Well, I used to love driving the Nissan Leaf. And the Honda CR-V. And the Ford Focus. But you traded them all in for one Bugatti Veyron, and I just feel like an asshole driving that thing around.

JAMES DOLAN
Those other cars were worthless!

CHRIS GETHARD
Those cars weren’t flashy, but they were efficient and reliable.

Read the rest of this entry »

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