Archive for the ‘Kobe Bryant’ Category

Playing: “Put Your Head On My Shoulder” by Paul Anka

Kobe: This was a fun night.

Pau: Sí.

Kobe: I mean that, Pau.

Pau: Ya sé.

[Awkward silence]

Kobe: We all said some things we didn’t mean.

[Awkward silence]

Kobe: It’s just … it’s just been a tough couple of weeks, you know?

Pau: Sí.

[Awkward silence]

Kobe: Look, I take equal blame for this whole thing. Am I proud of the way I’ve handled it? No, not really. I can admit that. Do you know what I’m saying?

Pau: Sí.

Kobe: [humming along to the song] “Put your head on my shoulder …”

[Awkward silence]

Kobe: Look, maybe I crossed a line. I know that. And that’s something I’ve got to deal with. It’s just … it’s just when I think back about how everything unfolded between you and I — between you and Coach — I just want to … I just want to …

Pau: Explotar?

Kobe: Right! Just explode. Because I have a lot of pressure on me, Pau. A lot. I’m not getting any younger, you know?

Pau: Sí.

Kobe: I don’t have a lot of time to figure this all out.

Pau: Sí.

Kobe: But I’m sorry. There. I said it. I’m sorry, Pau Gasol. I’m sorry I told the media that you should put on your big-boy pants. That was uncalled for.

Pau: Mm-hmm.

Kobe: It’s just that I’ve been so stressed recently. I can’t sleep at night. My knees are killing me. And Dwight with those free throws are really starting to piss me right the fuc– sorry. No excuses. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I implied you were wearing tiny, baby pants.

[Awkward silence]

Kobe: But I hope this night never ends.

Pau: Mm-hmm.

Kobe: Yeah, this is nice.

[Awkward silence]

Kobe: You think Paul Anka is still alive?

How do you describe the feeling of being totally shocked and yet not shocked at all? That was my immediate reaction to USA Today’s breaking news that the Lakers have fired head coach Mike Brown today after he led the team to a miserable 1-4 start to this season.

Did most of us see this coming? Sure, we did. Did anyone besides the most reactionary, over-entitled Lakers fan really believe team management would pull the plug on him just five discombobulated games into this latest grand experiment in superstar stacking? I should hope not. Because this is more than a little ridiculous.

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Pretty great story from Jalen Rose right here — talking about how you’re not supposed to Bruce Bowen your opponents, except for the one time he did that exact same thing to Kobe Bryant in the 2000 NBA Finals. And though Jalen equivocates a little bit at the end there, claiming he’s not really sure if he stuck his foot under Kobe’s on purpose of not, watching the play makes it pretty obvious.

Just look at how Jalen juts his leg out, basically mirroring the worst Bruce Bowens that Bruce ever Bowened. Pretty anti-cool move.

However, as Jalen said, eventually Kobe Bryant hung 81 on a Jalen Rose team a few years later. And knowing Kobe, he probably did it because he remembers spraining his ankle on Jalen Rose. That guy won’t let anything slide, especially not one of the jerkiest moves you can pull on a basketball court.

I don’t know if this has anything to do with the return of “Shark Tank” — or if “Shark Tank” is even starting a new season, to be honest — but I am very much enjoying Mark Cuban’s media tour that he seems to be on right now. He’s said he’s not going to retire Jason Kidd’s jersey because he’s mad he left the Mavericks, he said the Mavericks are better off without Deron Williams even though they would have loved to have signed him this summer, and now, he’s dropped the most hilarious bombshell of the offseason.

From the Dallas Morning News:

“When I was doing Dancing with the Stars, I was taking breaks because I was talking to Kobe’s agent because Kobe wanted to get traded,” Cuban explained on the Ben and Skin Show on 103.3 [KESN-FM]. “Literally, between Dancing with the Stars practices I had thought we traded for Kobe Bryant. I even talked to their owner and thought we were going to have done deal, and [Lakers GM] Mitch Kupchak changed [Kobe’s] mind and brought him back.”

The fact that the Mavericks almost traded for Kobe Bryant during his “Andrew Bynum is a big dummy” stage isn’t the funny thing, even though it’s certainly believable and isn’t nearly as awkward as Daryl Morey claiming the Rockets almost landed Dwight Howard, but the fact that Cuban was trying to swing the deal while taking breaks from “Dancing with the Stars” is just great.

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When he looks back at the summer of 2012, I wonder what Kobe Bryant is going to think is the best moment — winning a second Olympic gold medal, the Lakers trading for Dwight Howard and Steve Nash or the time he scored 68 points in 15 minutes against a bunch of Chinese musicians and actors, many of whom were playing in pants? Pretty tough question.

Extended highlights after the jump, if you’re interested. These couple of lazy plays should probably be enough, but I just want you to have options. I care.

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How many of these people actually got good photos that they can post on Weibo.com — six, maybe? 20 at the most? Who cares though, because the picture of all these people taking pictures during Kobe Bryant’s annual return to China turned out excellent. Might as well just frame this and point out which one you are, even if it’ll be very tough unless you’re one of the people wearing a red hat.

“Oh, that’s me with the camera. No the other one. Never mind. I was there though.” (Note to self: Always wear a red hat during Where’s Waldo? situations.)

Pretty nice of Kobe to wear yellow so that he’d stand out. Otherwise, it’s just arms on arms on arms. Or, as he calls it, a minor obstacle for a shot attempt.

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We all know Kobe Bryant and his wife, Vanessa, are going through some tough times. She filed for divorce back in September, they were spotted smooching during the playoffs but the divorce was still on, then it was off, then she got mad because of him flirting with girls in London and a whole bunch of other nonsense you can find on TMZ. Knock yourself out digging through the archives or just take my word for it since I’m on the internet too much.

Nonetheless, there is one factor in life that is definitely in Kobe’s favor if he’s trying to preserve his marriage. From Sports on Earth’s Nicki Jhabvala, who transcribed a recent issue of New York Magazine:

“I certainly would not want to be married to somebody that can’t win championships. If you’re sacrificing time away from my family and myself for the benefit of winning championships, then winning a championship should happen every single year.”

Well, this certainly bodes well for Kobe Bryant, since it sounds like a Kobe Bryant mantra. Considering he and Derek Fisher are the active players with the most championships — and that Derek Fisher doesn’t have a team yet, especially not one that that added Dwight Howard and Steve Nash this summer — he seems to be sitting pretty. If she only wants to be with a guy who can win titles (which is the single most Kobe Bryant thing a basketball wife could ever say), the pool is pretty small and Kobe’s still the biggest fish.

This must be music to Kobe’s ears. “Oh, you like championships? I just won a gold medal and we just got Dwight and Nash. I can win you a championship, giiiiiiirl.” As long as Robert Horry doesn’t get a hold of this magazine, everything should work out fine.