Archive for the ‘Kobe Bryant’ Category

Thanks to Grant Hill, we know that Olympic basketball players who have great games are randomly selected for postgame drug tests, with the quotiest quotation marks ever around the “randomly.” Still though, solid info from Grant Hill, who always seems to have our well-being in mind. Thanks for that, Grant Hill. I still own one of your jerseys (a red Pistons alternate from eighth grade), so we’re cool.

With that knowledge in mind because that is where we store it, consider this little factoid regarding Kobe Bryant’s 20-point half against the Boomers. From the New York Post:

So what was Kobe Bryant’s reward for his 20-point second-half outburst in Team USA’s quarterfinal victory over Australia on Wednesday night? An Olympic drug test.

According to a source, Bryant was the USA player chosen to take the mandatory random drug test after the late-night contest and was unable to ride back to the team hotel with his teammates. With the game beginning at 10:15 p.m. here, Bryant didn’t arrive back at the hotel until 2 a.m.

Even though it is protocol that each team’s leading scorer gets the drug test, I like to imagine that officials were like “Whoa whoa whoa. Kobe Bryant scored 20 points IN A HALF? After sucking for the first however many games? That seems weird. Drug test that guy.” I think you’ll agree that sounds logical.

And I’m sure Kobe loved being held after the game for two hours, getting his blood tested and hoping that the blood the Germans shot in to his knee didn’t accidentally have anything wrong with it. He’s a pretty mellow guy who absolutely loves being hassled and told what to do, so I’m sure that went over very well.

That being said, when you “activate the Black Mamba,” you have to imagine someone is going to think you got a little extra Mamba juice in there or whatever activating the Black Mamba entails. When you turn yourself in to a human snake, that is one of the risks you have to be willing to take.

If you listened to our latest Olympics podcast, watched the game or read any reports, you know Kobe Bryant went bonkers in the second half of the United States’ quarterfinal win over Australia. 20 points, six threes and one awkward version of Neil Diamond’s “America” in just a half of basketball proved that when Kobe needs to turn it on against inferior competition, he still can.

It’s just a simple matter of, in Kobe’s words, “activating the Black Mamba.” Seriously, he said that. From the Los Angeles Times:

Bryant certainly needed no conscience to perform as he did in the second half after his sluggish statistics. Through the first five games, he had only 14 field goals and 15 personal fouls, and he missed his first five shots against Australia.

“I was just kind of searching for something to get me going, searching for something to kind of activate the Black Mamba,” he said.

I don’t mean to be crude, but in light of Tas’ gold medal performance last night, it has to be mentioned that “activate the Black Mamba” could be a terrible euphemism for getting a boner. It sounds like a line from Mad magazine. Now that we’ve all addressed the deadly snake in the room, let’s marvel in the fact that Kobe continues to refer to himself as “the Black Mamba,” even when it’s just in his own head.

We’ve all heard the old adage that “you can’t give yourself a nickname,” and that is still the case. However, something needs to be said for the diligence with which Kobe is pursuing this. It was four years ago that Kobe gave himself the nickname, seemingly inspired by Quentin Tarantino’s “Kill Bill” films, and he’s still trying to make it happen even though we all agree it’s silly and that you don’t really need a nickname when you’re already a one-name superstar.

The fact that it sounds like he actually calls himself “the Black Mamba” when he is just thinking about himself is even better. I imagine there’s a lot of “Oh, the Black Mamba doesn’t know where the Black Mamba left his keys” and “the Black Mamba needs to remember to brush the Black Mamba’s fangs before the Black Mamba heads to the gym” and stuff like that going on in Kobe’s head while he’s puttering around the house. And while I’m not necessarily on board with the nickname or how it came about, it’s still kind of impressive that Kobe is so devoted to it that he’ll even even call himself Black Mamba when no one is around. It’s that dedication that’s made him one of the best players ever.

Plus, and this is a total guess, I bet Kobe Bryant does snake motions all the time when he’s alone. Stuff like sitting up and wiggling side-to-side and eating ice cream by shooting his face at the cone. Don’t put it past him, he’s really in to this snake persona thing. Total Slytherin.

At this point, watching a split-screen feed of Team USA games where one half of the picture is basketball and the other half is Team USA reacting to various things that happen on the court might be more entertaining than the actual games. I mean between this and Kevin Durant’s dunking dance, I can see this programming doing some big ratings, which is really all that matters. Get Dick Ebersol on the phone. He needs to hear this genius idea.

I mentioned this in last night’s podcast, but since it’s been the most 1992 moment of this year’s Olympics, it’s worth elaborating upon. As I am about to prove to Tas Moleas, this is far more than a cool story bro.

Up there, wearing No. 9 for Tunisia, is Mohamed Hadidane. On his feet, as you can see, are one pair of Team USA Nike Elite socks and one pair of Team USA Nike Zoom Kobe VIIs, both of which were made specially for these Olympics for the United States team. As I’m sure you guessed, this is exactly what Kobe Bryant wears during games.

I noticed this during the second quarter of yesterday’s Tunisia-USA game, thanks to that telltale star on the socks. It wasn’t surprising that another player was wearing a pair of Kobes, since that happens all the time. But it was pretty funny that a player from another country would be wearing such specifically American stuff. It just seems so fanboy-ish.

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