Archive for the ‘Los Angeles Clippers’ Category

It’s silly video showdown time. Here’s your your first option — Joakim Noah vibing out to “Pump Up the Jam” with some bros and lady bros.

Or choice two — DeAndre Jordan combining memes while dunking on ESPN’s Charissa Thompson.

Personally, I’m going with Joakim Noah, but that’s mostly because he’s the best and watching him dance has been a longtime source of enjoyment for me. Get that oil. (Also, I am kind of am worried that Charissa Thompson might have a concussion.) Let’s hear your pick in the comments, but please include a thorough explanation for your choice.

(via Deadspin/Reddit)

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Even though he wasn’t assessed a warning or fine this entire season, Blake Griffin has a bit of a reputation as a flopper. And by “a bit of,” I mean there are more than 235,000 Google search results for “blake griffin flopper” and the Grizzlies crowd chanted “FLOP-PER! FLOP-PER!” at him last week. There was even a rap song made about it that went to No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.

But as Blizzy Blake tells us, it’s only because of technology that anyone thinks he’s actually flopping in the first place, and sometimes, things aren’t what they seem. Dun dun! From ESPN:

When people say he flopped on a play, he’ll watch the video on YouTube to see why they might’ve thought that.

“There’s times that I have [flopped],” he says. “But I definitely wouldn’t consider myself a flopper.”

OK, so why do people think that?

“Honestly, I think it’s slow motion,” he explains. “Everything either looks better or worse in slow motion. A cool play looks really cool. But then, when somebody takes a hit, it might not be that hard, but your reaction is going to be to whip your head back because you don’t want to get hit.

“My reaction is always to move away. So then when it’s slowed down, and you see somebody didn’t get hit that hard, but you like jerked your head back. I’m telling you, that’s what I think. Slow motion and instant replays are what do it.” [...]

“I saw the thing that [ESPN commentator] Skip Bayless said after the Serge Ibaka hit,” Griffin says, referring to the play on which Ibaka received a flagrant foul for swinging his arm wildly and hitting Griffin in the groin.

“He was like, ‘He didn’t hit Blake Griffin below the belt. He’s just a flopper.’

“It was baffling to me that somebody could watch that — maybe it’s different for me because I felt it — but it was baffling to me that somebody could watch that and think that I flopped that.”

This is exactly what Frank “Cannonball” Richards tells people who think he flinched before that famous cannonball to the gut footage — it only looks like that because you slowed it down. In real speed, Richards and Griffin are both really taking those shots and sometimes your body just involuntarily moves when it’s about to get crushed. Or whatever.

And yeah, I guess all of this makes sense logically. Most people move somehow when they’re about to get hit, slow motion footage exaggerates everything, cool plays do look really cool, Skip Bayless often says things that don’t make any sense — Blake Griffin is spot-on with all of this. If you filmed this paragraph with Phantom cameras and slowed it down to an absurd rate, it would like I had misspelled everything and that it’s taking me forever to get to the point. That’s what slow motion does.

Another thing slow motion does is give you a chance to look at every little aspect of a play, like when Blake Griffin hit himself in the face and thought a foul should be called. Or like a bunch of other Blake Griffin flops, which he kind of admits to because he knows people like me are just going to dig out the videos if he says he never flops. There are a lot of those, and sometimes you just have to look at the preponderance of evidence (I accidentally watch a lot of “Law & Order: SVU,” no big d) and maybe disagree with the guy who says it looks like a flop because of technology while also saying that he definitely jerks his head back in preparation for being hit. The slow motion might exacerbate things and make some flops look worse and some borderline-non-flops look like definitely-flops, but when you’re parsing out reasons for why all these plays you are making look like the plays you say you aren’t making, well maybe you are making those plays quite a bit. I’m sure you catch my drift play-wise.

But who knows? I’m sure Blake Griffin legitimately gets knocked down a significant portion of the times he falls down, just like I’m sure that a significant portion of the plays Twitter says are flops are probably flops. They don’t have to be mutually exclusive. However, I would very much like an explanation for those faces he makes. I’ll be waiting.

lionel-hollins-kidnapping-chris-paul

“We could send him a limo and then sidetrack the limo. That might be the best thing”Lionel Hollins, movie villain

How much would it cost to get a Tony Allen karaoke version of every single R&B song from the 1990s? Because based on this, it’d probably be worth it to hear him singing things like “No Diggity” or “Motownphilly.”

Just kidding — it’d definitely be worth it. Someone get a Kickstarter going.

(via Chris Vernon/SB Nation)

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Yes.

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Also yes.

Also wouldn’t want to sit behind him at a movie, even if it is the new Terrence Malick film. But since I wasn’t invited to the “To the Wonder” premiere, let me just say again — yes.

deandre-jordan-chris-paul-blake-griffin-huddle

What’s a team to do when there are rumors circulating that there is locker room strife which is threatening to destroy their franchise-best season? Fake a locker room quarrel, obviously.

From the Los Angeles Daily News:

Clippers center DeAndre Jordan shouted across the locker room Sunday to Chris Paul.

“I don’t like you, Chris,” Jordan yelled out.

Paul didn’t flinch.

“I don’t care,” Paul answered.

Meanwhile, Clippers forward Blake Griffin turned to Jordan, whose locker is near his, and snipped:

“Get out of my way DeAndre. Move,” Griffin shouted.

Jordan didn’t back down.

“I don’t like you, Blake Griffin,” Jordan screamed.

Finally, all three players shared a hearty laugh.

Turns out it was all in fun.

Total gotcha moment. One second you think the Clippers are earnestly fighting while specifically using the first names of their adversaries like anyone who’s ever been in a war of words does, the next they’re all heartily laughing at how much they fooled you in to thinking they hate each other. In the business, this is called “the Caan-Affleck” after the Scott Caan and Casey Affleck characters in the “Ocean’s Eleven” franchise, and it’s brilliant.

And while you might be thinking that the Clippers didn’t fool anyone with their fake fight, remember that the Caan-Affleck is typically used as a diversion. And considering the Clippers are just a week removed from having the internet simultaneously destroy their defense and title hopes before two wins against teams that are a combined 28 games below .500, it couldn’t have come at a better time. Instead of worrying about if the Clippers’ schemes make them cannon fodder in the playoffs or if their offense needs to be more than just Chris Paul doing everything while Blake Griffin sometimes cares about being in the paint, now basketball fans will be launching a full forensic investigation in to whether or not this team likes each other.

That’s the beauty of a Caan-Affleck — it makes you worry about one thing while another way worse thing is happening somewhere else. I have a hard time believing Vinny Del Negro came up with this ruse, but I’d love to pluck a strand of that beautiful, lustrous hair to run some DNA tests, just to make sure. We’ll get to the bottom of this one, Andy Garcia. You and me.

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The Brooklyn Nets clinched a postseason appearance with a Sixers loss to the Nuggets last week, likely to end up somewhere between the four and six seed in the Eastern Conference playoff picture. This is a meaningful thing for the franchise for several reasons — it’s a success to brag about in their first season since moving to Brooklyn, it’s the franchise’s first postseason cameo of any duration since 2007, and it gets Mikhail Prokhorov one step closer to not having to get married in two years. But for us watching at home, generally uninterested in Brook Lopez set shots and Deron Williams mini-dramas, this is really only good for one reason: Another postseason with Reggie Evans.

Reggie is undoubtedly one of the NBA’s greatest supporting characters. He’s got a ridiculous beard, a weirdly shaped skulll, and a giggly smile that makes it look he’s never more than a minute removed from having farted in front of his coaches and having gotten away with it. And contrary to most players, scoring probably doesn’t make the list of his five favorite things to do on a basketball court — at absolute best, it’s a very distant fifth behind rebounding, setting screens, trash-talking opponents and flopping. He always seems to play his way into big minutes wherever he goes, but he never stays anywhere long. Since being traded to Denver halfway through his fourth season with the Sonics, he’s played for five different teams, and none of them for more than two seasons.

Yet for a guy who probably wouldn’t get his own chapter (and might not even show up in the index) when the history books are written about early 21st century basketball, Reggie Evans has managed to have a surprisingly large impact on a variety of playoff series over the years. This year will mark his sixth time playing in the playoffs, and for his fifth different franchise, and he always seems to leave his mark. He was an unexpected catalyst in the scare the Sixers put into the Pistons in the first round of the ’08 playoffs, posting double-doubles in the first two games and getting the “REG-GIE! REG-GIE!” chant from the Philly faithful, even giving the crowd the ol’ Allen Iverson hand-to-ear “Let me hear it!!” gesture. And he was a huge factor in the Clippers’ seven-game series win over the Grizzlies last year, averaging about nine boards a game off the bench and even finishing a close Game 7 on the floor as future-of-the-franchise forward Blake Griffin rode the pine.

But of course, the most memorable postseason moment from Reggie was not one that can be measured on the stat sheet. It came in Game 4 of the Denver Nuggets’ 2006 first round series against the Los Angeles Clippers, where, when tussling with Clippers big man Chris Kaman for a rebound — and rebound-tussling is the area of the game where something like 85 percent of Reggie’s impact is felt — Evans found time to surreptitiously grab a handful of Kaman’s testicles, enraging the young center in to pushing Evans to the ground, and giving the “Inside the NBA” guys something to chortle about after the game. (Ernie: “He got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and…” Charles: “Ernie, I don’t know where you get your cookies at…”)

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