Ladies and gentleman, WE. ARE. LIVE. This fight is scheduled for three five minute rounds in the NBA’s heavyweight division. First, in the blue corner — fighting out of Oakland, California, standing 6-foot-9 and weighing in at 240 lbs. He’s a mixed martial arts rebounder and two-time NBA All-Star — David “Bite Elbow” Lee!
Lee was again the center of attention a few minutes later when he drew a foul on Howard. Replays showed Lee’s arm caught Howard in the mouth, leaving him with a bloody lip and a technical foul after he chewed out Lee near halfcourt. “That was obviously unintentional,” Lee said.
And now in the gold corner — fighting out of Los Angeles, California, standing 6-foot-11 and weighing in at 265 lbs. He’s a muay smile fighter, seven-time All-Star and three-time NBA Defensive Player of the Year — Dwight “Ed Hardy Shirt” Howard!
“He got away with a shot,” Howard said. “I will remember this game. I will remember that shot. He said he wasn’t trying to do it. You can look at the play and see it for yourself. I will take care of it later.”
Today’s action is brought to you by Corn Nuts, the only kernel bold enough to get inside the octagon. Corn Nuts — Corn to the Core!
Oh, and if you’re watching from home on pay-per-view, just remember Dwight is now the second Laker to vow violence upon an opponent the next time they meet. Fun bunch.
It’s pretty cool that Dwight Howard finally gets to add his name to the list of celebrities who have been slimed at Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards, which seems like something he’s always wanted to happen but was just a bit too embarrassed to admit. And it’s even cooler that he’s the first NBA player to be slimed in the illustrious history of the event, unless you count Mark “Mr. Cooper” Curry back in 1995. ‘Twas quite the night for Big Dwig.
Not to mention, smart thinking not wearing any of his myriad Ed Hardy t-shirts. Do you know hard it is to get slime out of bedazzling?
“(Laughing) Stan (Van Gundy) used to get mad because I would have so much gas. It was like I didn’t have gas at home but I always had it when we had practice and especially when he talked. I used to always let it out.”
So yeah, Dwight Howard is pretty gassy but only when his coach is talking. The more you know.
If you’re only going to know five things about a random person, these are a good five. Just from these five things, you can tell he’s a polite fellow who loves cartoons and tattoos and is well-liked by his teammates. That’s a nice start.
And who knows, maybe by the end of the season we’ll know seven things about Robert Sacre. It’s OK to dream big.
Remember when Nike gave their three biggest basketball players outer space-themed shoes for the All-Star Game? I really hope so, because that was only like a month ago. But if not, it’s OK to forget about that because there is a new concept pack in town — it’s Nike’s Elite Series 2.0 and it’s superhero-themed because space is so last month.
The Elite Series 2.0 is a continuation of last year’s Elite Series (duh) which itself was a continuation of Nike hooking it’s premier players up with some special shoes for the postseason. (The Lakers better make the playoffs, otherwise, awwwwwk-ward.) All of the shoes are updated versions of the players’ signature shoes, with the main addition being new tech in the form of Kevlar aramid, articulated foam, and carbon fiber reinforcements to make the shoes light and strong. You know, like a superhero’s armor, only significantly less metal.
Style-wise, the colors are a bit strange. LeBron’s are in Knicks colors, Kevin Durant is wearing oversaturated Golden State Warriors blue and yellow and Kobe Bryant is in, gasp, Celtics green which is something we’ve seen before but still feels wrong. I’m sure the real ones they’re going to wear on court will be team appropriate, but for now this is all we’ve seen. Not that the shoes don’t look awesome — I particularly like the low-cut KD V, which reminds me of Roger Federer’s kicks in a very good way — but it is always odd when the first version you see of a shoe doesn’t match the player’s team. Though, to be fair, superheroes tend to match their armor and not their favorite sporting franchise. I mean, Spider-Man would never wear orange and blue shoes.
All three shoes release April 28 and I’m sure they’ll be more expensive than the standard versions of these shoes, what with all that fancy stuff added. No idea if the rest of the armor comes with the shoes, but if not, it’s probably pretty easy to make it yourself. After all, Tony Stark built an entire suit of armor AND arc reactor while trapped in a cave, so I’m sure you can handle a chest plate and some metal leggings.
Lots of pics after the jump. Let’s hear what you think in the comments.
“My Twitter’s @mettaworldpeace.com,” World Peace gladly announced to the throng of media, mixing up his Twitter handle and website in one breath. “Follow me on Twitter, follow Dwight. I need a million followers.”
Pretty nice of MWP to try to deflect a little of the heat from his teammate, just too bad he gave out the wrong Twitter handle while trying to plug his own Twitter handle. After all, it only takes a split-second to see that @MettaWorldPeaceDotCom and @MettaWorldPeace.com don’t exist and that @MettaWorldPeace (no dot com) is the real deal. Whoops.
Just one of those classic blunders when you can’t remember your actual Twitter handle based around your made-up name that not everyone calls you. We’ve all been there.