Archive for the ‘Los Angeles Lakers’ Category

Dramatization.

Kobe Bryant had a pretty wicked dunk last night, I think we can all agree on that. But was it a dunk of Biblical proportions? Kobe Bryant argues that the answer is yes.

From ESPN:

“I think everyone has been drinking the Kobe pass Kool-Aid so they kind of stayed on the perimeter like the Red Sea,” Bryant said. “I felt a little like Moses.”

Thanks to context clues, we can rule out Kobe Bryant comparing himself to Moses Malone, which would be a weird comparison in the first place. Glad that’s out of the way and that we can focus on Kobe Bryant basically calling his dunk a miracle.

And really when you think about it, Kobe Bryant dunking on two people at the same time at age 34 is kind of miraculous. Or more accurately, whatever was shot in to Kobe’s knees to make him be able to jump like this is the real miracle because that stuff is good. Maybe it’s the Holy Spirit, I don’t know. But whatever it is, it kind of seems like it helped him grow angel wings to throw down on Gerald Wallace and Kris Humphries. That is one of the few logical explanations for this sort of thing happening in 2013.

For their part, the Lakers better hope this was indeed a miracle. Because, as the story goes, Moses crossed the Red Sea while leading the Israelites to the promised land, which in Lakers terms is, I’m guessing, an above .500 record. Let’s just hope he doesn’t have to order the deaths of a bunch of people once they get there because I have a feeling Dwight Howard would be the first to go and they’ll probably need him if they make the playoffs.

Among the other legends in the canon of the True NBA Greats, Kobe Bryant is most frequently compared to Michael Jordan, for a series of obvious reasons, including their styles of play, their high basketball IQs and their near pathological levels of competitiveness. But in terms of public perception, nearly as apt a comparison for Kobe would be Wilt Chamberlain. a fellow generation-best scorer whose brilliance was obvious, but who battled perennial accusations of being (at various stages of his career, and often all simultaneously) a bad teammate, a coach killer and a ballhog, someone whose need for individual validation often superseded their desire for team success. And of course, in the half-century since Wilt set an NBA record by scoring 100 in a game, Kobe is still the only one to even wave at Wilt’s triple digits, scoring 81 in a much-commemorated 2006 game.

That 100 is probably the number most associated with Wilt’s statistically overwhelming career, closely followed by 50, his points per game average for the Philadelphia Warriors in 1962. But perhaps the third-most-definitive (though much less immediately recognizable) number of Wilt’s career was 702, the number of assists the Stilt accumulated in ’68 for the 76ers — best in the league that year by total number, though Oscar Robertson actually averaged about an assist-and-a-half more in 15 fewer games. To date, Wilt remains the only center in NBA league history to lead the league in total assists for a season.

The inflated assist total from a player who had never averaged more than five a game through his first seven NBA seasons did not come by accident. After winning a title with the Sixers in ’67, with head coach Alex Hannum and a trio of Hall of Fame teammates in Billy Cunningham, Hal Greer and Chet Walker, Wilt purposefully set to shed the idea that he was just a scorer, not a team player, and figured he could shed that label indisputably by leading the league in a statistical category synonymous with selflessness. He would succeed in the short term, though he ultimately failed to change public perception of him, as his assists-at-all-costs quest eventually came to be seen as just another act of box score narcissism from the Big Dipper.

Though the two situations are far from identical, I still couldn’t help but think of this chapter in Wilt’s controversial history while watching the last four games played by Kobe Bryant, in which the Black Mamba has adopted the role of point guard and playmaker in the Lakers offense, averaging 12 assists a game over that stretch, easily the richest period of diming in Kobe’s 17-season career. Not since Wilt’s calculated stat shift had a scorer on Kobe’s level (still netting nearly 30 a game) consciously and pointedly made the decision, late in their career, that they were now gonna be all about playmaking and distributing, with putting up points a secondary concern.

This is interesting with Kobe as it was with Wilt, because Bryant has always self-identified as a “scorer.” Increasingly rare in an era where the ideal model of a franchise player is LeBron James, an impossibly gifted shot-maker who nonetheless makes a point to be just as devastating as a creator for teammates, Kobe has never had any problem letting it be known that putting the ball in the basket is priority No. 1 for him. (“I eat first,” he once memorably said of the Lakers’ scoring hierarchy.) As a guard, Kobe is naturally more of a distributor than Wilt, but Bryant has also struggled on occasion with finding the balance between scoring for the team and scoring for his own sake. During his second set of title runs in the late 2000s, it wasn’t uncommon to see Kobe spend the first half of a game passing to a fault, belaboring the point that he was “trusting his teammates,” before starting to gun again in the second half, secure he’d done his share of good teamwork for the game.

Read the rest of this entry »

Now that the Lakers have won two whole games in a row, things should probably settle down around Los Angeles. Kobe Bryant is passing a bunch, Pau Gasol has adjusted to being on the bench even if he doesn’t like it, Dwight Howard isn’t coming down with any mysterious shoulder injuries — it’s all good. No time for distractions, since it’s winning time now.

Except for this little thing, from the Hollywood Reporter:

L.A. Laker Metta World Peace is looking to punk a few athletes.

The NBA star is shopping a sports-themed hidden-camera prank series called Metta World Pranks, The Hollywood Reporter has learned.

From LMNO Productions — producers behind CBS’ hidden-camera series I Get That a Lot and Fire Me — the show will feature Metta and other professional athletes playing pranks on one another — including their family members, friends, spouses and fans. The project is currently being shopped to broadcast and cable networks.

[...]

“This particular show will give me the opportunity to be funny, creative and entertain audiences — all while being able to collaborate with my friends and colleagues. I can’t think of a show idea that is more fun and a perfect fit for me,” the Lakers forward said.

Haha, of course. Just when the Lakers start rolling, one of their top players starts pitching television shows. More like Hollyweird, am I right? That being said, in the history of Lakers distractions, this one is minor. I kind of assume that most Los Angeles players are pitching shows at any given time, so this isn’t terribly surprising.

And hey, it’s been a while since we’ve had a killer prank show on television, especially since I don’t count the “Punk’d” reboot because if there’s no Ashton, there’s no “Punk’d.” Maybe Metta World Peace’s “Metta World Pranks” is the next great prank show. Maybe when something unbelievably bad happens to us, we’ll start asking “Are we on ‘Metta World Pranks?’” This could be our generation’s “Candid Camera,” which I think was cool because moms always reference it.

Or maybe not. This is a prank show developed by Metta World Peace featuring other athletes being put on the spot and forced to react to stressful situations. The odds of success aren’t good. Or to put it in basketball terms — it’s kind of like a Metta World Peace-led fast break, in that it’s a disaster but you kind of have to watch, just to see what insanity unfolds.

(via Beyond the Buzzer)

I know you are probably thinking that the Los Angeles Lakers’ season started on October 30 when they lost their first game of the 2012-13 season to the Dallas Mavericks. Or maybe you are thinking their season really started on November 9 when they played their first game after firing Mike Brown. Or, I guess, you could think they Lakers’ season started on November 20, which is the date of the first game they played under Mike D’Antoni. Then again, you can’t be blamed for thinking the Lakers’ season started January 13, right after D’Antoni told them their “season starts Sunday.”

With all these different stories, it is kind of confusing to find out when this season actually started for the Lakers. Thankfully, the Lakers have Dwight Howard around to set the record straight. From ESPN’s Dave McMenamin:

Dwight Howard: “I think this will be the start of a new season tonight. Our effort and energy will be better. It starts with me”

Just when you thought the Lakers couldn’t start a season over again, they just go and declare a new start while all the other dumb teams are just now realizing they’ve played half of their made-up season for no real reason. VERY smart of the Lakers to get the jump on the rest of the league by starting over midway through this nonsense campaign. When in doubt, start it over.

Funny part about all that, though, is that those 41 games the Lakers have already sucked through actually did count. I know — it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Just because you decide to restart the season, doesn’t mean the actual season is invalid. It really counts. And that means the Lakers need to win almost 70 percent of their games if they’re hoping to win that eighth playoff seed, as 45 wins is pretty much the standard for getting in to the postseason in the Western Conference. Good luck with that, team who is currently 22nd in defensive efficiency in all those fake seasons that the rest of the teams have been seriously playing the past few months.

Then again, if things go poorly during this new new new new season, I guess the Lakers can just start over again. Sooner or later they’ll end up over .500.

All-Star Weekend is the most wonderful time of the year for all the solemen out there, because that’s when a bunch of cool new shoes come out. It’s like a shoe showcase where all the displays are dunks, which means it’s pretty smart. Your first entrance in the All-Star zapatos game comes from Nike’s “Extraterrestrial” pack, which includes new versions of the LeBron X, Kobe 8 and KD V and a kind of hilarious description about where these shoes come from.

From Nice Kicks:

LeBron X ”Extraterrestrial”

Rumored to have journeyed to earth on a meteor made of the galaxy’s hardest substance – black diamonds, the model takes a a purple hue for the overlays and black rests within the inlays. Furthering the story the model originated from NSP-LJ6, a planet discovered by the Nike Space Program (NSP).

Kobe 8 System ”Extraterrestrial”

Originating on planet NSP-KB24, the Kobe 8 is part of the guardian of the five rings. Able to freeze his opponents in his stance, Kobe has been given an orange tinted look over the engineered mesh upper and green highlights over the Nike Swoosh and liner.

KD V ”Extraterrestrial”

Known as the legendary Dark Matter, his weapon of choice will be the KD V. Believed to have originated on planet NSP-KD35, the shoe packs a lime green upper highlighted with a dark green on the heel counter and accented with orange on the laces.

I’m not sure about all that stuff, but I really do like all of these because I’m of the opinion that your All-Star shoes should be as insane as possible. Basing them on made-up planets, making them in extra bright colors and then covering them in details certainly achieves that.

Were I ranking them, I’d probably go Kobe then Durant then LeBron, but they’re all pretty close. I love the orange Jupiter-y upper on the Kobes, the entire color scheme of the KDs and how LeBron’s shoe looks like a jewel. Weird idea — though it is wisely based on Houston being the home of NASA’s Mission Control Center and continues Nike’s space-themed All-Star shoes — but the execution is great. If basketball were played on non-existent planets, this is definitely what the shoes would look like.

After the jump, there are more pictures of these bad riders. All of these will be available at retail stores on February 15. Let’s hear what you think in the comments.

Read the rest of this entry »

Did you guys know that Kobe Bryant likes playing one-on-one? I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Shockingly, dumbfoundingly true.

If you don’t believe me, just look at all of this stuff he’s saying about playing one-on-one and also the entirety of his NBA career. Along with saying that one-on-one is “what I do,” he also claims he’s never lost a single one-on-one game. From ESPN:

Who would you most like to play one-on-one, either active or retired?

Jordan. No question.

What would happen?

I’m not sure, but he would win some and I would win some in a seven-game series. It would probably come down to the last few shots

You versus LeBron? Who wins?

Me. No question. As far as one-on-one, I’m the best to ever do it.

Damn. That’s pretty confident.

LeBron is a terrific all-around, five-on-five basketball player who’s an all-time great. But I’d get him.

Who could get you?

Kevin Durant is the guy that would give me the most trouble. With his length and ability to use the dribble he’d be tough.

I always wanted to see you play Tracy McGrady.

I played T-Mac. I cooked him. Roasted him. Wasn’t even close. Ask him, he’ll tell you. When I was about 20, we were in Germany doing some promotional stuff for that other sneaker company and we played basketball everyday. We were in the gym all the time. We played three games of one-on-one to 11. I won all three games. One game I won 11-2. After the third game he said he had back spasms and couldn’t play anymore.

His back bothered him for most of his career.

Well, now you know.

What about Kyrie Irving?

[Huge smile, laugh.] Kyrie’s my boy, but he knows he doesn’t have anything for me. He doesn’t want to see me. But it would be fun. I’ve beaten a lot of guys one-on-one, like Reggie Miller and Grant Hill. I used to play Caron Butler all the time in practice when he was with the Lakers. When I was a rookie I used to get Nick van Exel and Eddie Jones. They know. They’ll tell you. They used to come at me hard but I wasn’t having that. I love going one-on-one with someone. That’s what I do. I’ve never lost. It’s a whole different game, just to have them right in front you and be able to do whatever you want.

So much good stuff here — calling adidas “that other sneaker company” now that he’s a Nike guy, Kobe bragging that he beat one-on-one legends like Caron Butler, Eddie Jones and Reggie Miller, him trashing Tracy McGrady as a way of settling that old “Kobe or McGrady” debate from 2K5 (haha) — it’s just classic Kobe. I could read Kobe quotes about being the best one-on-one player of all-time for at least three hours.

It’s just too bad the Lakers waived Chris Douglas-Roberts in the preseason. Just like Kobe, he says he’s never lost a game of one-on-one, so it would be interesting to see who’s really the best like when a couple of grownups get their hands on a Nintendo 64 to figure out who’s better at “Mario Kart 64.”

Or maybe Chris Doug-Rob beat Kobe and this is all part of an elaborate cover-up to keep Kobe’s record pristine. Let’s get Deadspin on it because I might have just unearthed the greatest conspiracy of our lifetime.

Things are so bad for the Los Angeles Lakers that their fans are legitimately excited about Earl Clark, who barely got off the bench for the Phoenix Suns or Orlando Magic during the first three seasons of his career. But now that he’s settled in as a replacement starter averaging nearly a double-double in 36 minutes per game with the first unit (you know, DeJuan Blair numbers), the Earl of Los Angeles is allowed to make a few requests for his 25th birthday, which comes this Thursday and coincides with a game against the Miami Heat.

The Earl’s demands are simple, via the Los Angeles Daily News’ Mark Medina:

With the Lakers playing the Miami Heat Thursday on what will be his 25th birthday, Clark offered one wish.

“All I would like is a win,” Clark said, “and maybe some cake.”

As if they weren’t already, Lakers fans should be very happy their favorite team traded Kwame Brown a few years ago. On top of everything else that’s happened during this dreadful season, the last thing they need is another cake-tossing incident. You can withstand it once as a franchise, but that second one is really embarrassing.