Oh, I’m sure the fact that LeBron James beat Ray Allen and Mario Chalmers in a three-point contest won’t come up among the three ever again. Surely LeBron will just let this slide under the rug now that they’ve done their pushups. I mean, if I’d have beaten the NBA’s all-time leader in made threes AND Alaska’s all-time leader in made threes at the same time, I’d bring it up all the time. Not LeBron though. He’ll be cool about it.
(via Miami Herald)
Losing? Getting injured? When people always say he looks tired? That he can’t wear leggings OR personalized face Band Aids any more? When people misspell his first name? The Celtics? That most people only remember his girlfriend from a high school cheerleading movie that they like a little bit too much?
Any of these things could be things that Dwyane Wade hates, but not today. Today, he hates other things, things you’d never guess. Thing the first, from ESPN:
What is your most irrational fear?
Birds. I’m petrified of birds. I got attacked by some once when I was in college.
Setting aside for a second that being attacked by birds is a good reason to be scared of birds and is therefore a quite rational fear, let’s just all admire Dwyane Wade for admitting that he’s terrified of birds. It’s a bold move to bring the very real fear of petrification by bird in to a public forum, especially right before the playoffs start. And while the odds of him encountering the Hawks in a series are minimal — Atlanta is basically throwing games so that they move down to the sixth seed, which would allow them to avoid Miami until the conference finals, which the Hawks won’t be playing in — if I’m the stadium music director of some NBA team that the Heat are playing, I’m going bird crazy on the PA system. Screeches, wing flaps, coos — basically anything that sounds like a bird and could theoretically petrify Dwyane Wade. It’s an idea with legs, that’s for sure. Or better yet, wings.
Here’s the other thing Dwyane Wade hates:
What is your least favorite chore?
Besides all of them? I hate making the bed.
If he’s talking about changing the sheets on his bed, then I am totally with Dwyane Wade on this one. No matter how stretchy they are, finding fitted sheets that are easy to put on is an impossible task. If he’s just talking about making the bed after sleeping in it so that everything looks tidy, however, I’d like to remind you that Dwyane Wade also really hates vegetables and is therefore probably an 11-year-old. It would not surprise me to find out that this is what he meant, and also that he can’t wait to catch all of the Pokemon.
But yes, Dwyane Wade hates birds and making his bed. It’s not quite being scared of historic statues, but that’s a once-in-a-lifetime phobia. Just don’t be surprised if you hear a bunch of bird noises the first time the Heat show up in Milwaukee. And don’t be surprised if his hotel room mysteriously doesn’t get room service, causing Dwyane Wade to have to make his bed. Stranger things have happened.
As our friends down below know, LeBron James hasn’t been playing every game down the stretch for the Miami Heat. This is, quite obviously, a huge deal for the team, since that’s a whole lot of MVP production they need to replace.
And while throwing up an extra 27 points, eight rebounds and seven assists isn’t the easiest thing in the world, some members of the Heat have found a way to keep things as LeBron-y as possible in his absence. From the Palm Beach Post:
LeBron James has left the powder toss behind.
These days — on the nights he plays — he waits out warmups on the midcourt line, intensely staring at the floor.
Over the past few weeks, however, four of his teammates have resurrected his ritual, tossing the powder together as they gather underneath.
“I think it was mostly J.J.,” Ray Allen said of James Jones.
“We just started doing it,” Jones said, also referring to Mike Miller and Rashard Lewis. “I had never used it. Nothing special.”
“It’s part of the routine now,” Lewis said.
Smart thinking, Heat shooters. Not only does this continued powder tossing ensure that the Heat’s scorer’s table will remain bathed in the finest talcum known to man, it also helps their teammates remember what they’re up against. Because at this point, two-and-a-half seasons in to LeBron’s Miami vacation, they probably need to see that plume of powder smoke (or whatever) over on the sidelines to really know when it’s time to play.
Athletes are creatures of habit — especially Ray Allen — so it’s probably a Pavlovian response for some of these guys. See powder, play ball. Without it, they might be totally lost.
So good on ya, other Heat. If all it takes to maintain focus during a months-long season where the final few games mean absolutely nothing to your team is a little bit of powder tossing, then you’ve done a really good job of finding a solution to this problem. May the powder be always in your favor.
But how much did the sign and sign-making utensils cost? I need to know for this class action lawsuit I’m working on. And with Jack Black’s brother as the spokesman, there’s no way it’ll get shot down.
P.S. Miami Heat fans sure do hate it when players don’t play, huh? Kind of ironic, since they’re the most infamous show-up-laters in the league. This has been a postscript.
(via Josh Wong)
Carmelo Anthony made some headlines the other day by overtaking Kevin Durant in the scoring race by fractions of a point, in the same game where his Knicks stole an important road victory from Durant’s Thunder in OKC. But over the NBA three-day weekend, he also overtook another superstar for a less-recognized, but arguably even more interesting honor: That of the best-selling jersey in the NBA. Melo’s No. 7 for the Knicks overtook LeBron James’ No. 6 for the Heat for top honors, up from the No. 4 spot he held the year before.
Jersey sales rankings are an interesting thing in sports, since it’s the closest thing most leagues have to something resembling, say, a Billboard singles chart — something that comes close to measuring pure popularity, without making any attempt at an objective ranking of player skill or whatever. There are other factors at play besides how popular the player is, sure — how popular the team is plays a big part, and for the more discerning jersey shoppers, there might be aesthetic concerns with the color schemes and logos, and possibly semiotic concerns with the signifiers of the player and team represented. But other factors aside, if there’s a better way to measure player popularity in the NBA, I dunno what it is.
So what does it mean that Melo took over from LeBron? Well, first off, it’s worth pointing out that LeBron was not actually No. 1 in jersey sales at the end of last year’s regular season. As a matter of fact, he was all the way down at No. 4, possibly a result of his dip in popularity after losing in the 2011 Finals, and with the initial surge of sales from when he switched teams in the 2010 offseason having died down. It says something about the year LeBron is having (and the postseason/Olympics he had as well) that he had climbed up to No. 1 at all, showing that without the distractions of his choker reputation and the fallout from “The Decision,” LeBron’s play has been stellar enough (and his PR efforts smooth enough) to allow him to be an arguable candidate for the league’s Most Popular Player honors once more.
But now LeBron has fallen to Carmelo, and I think the reasons are two-fold. One, this has been the best season of Anthony’s career — both in an individual sense (highest PER ever, possibly his first scoring title) and in the team sense, as he’s on pace to at least challenge the 54-28 record his Nuggets team had in 2008-’09, and even then the recently arrived Chauncey Billups got the lion’s share of the credit. There’s a sense of pride in Carmelo and the Knicks — especially in New York, obviously — that always had to be tempered with “yes, but…” type qualifiers about Melo’s bonafides as a team player, his ability to win, etc. This is arguably Melo’s first year of unreserved true superstardom, and it makes sense that his jersey sales would reflect that.
And the less sweeping, narrative-oriented (but equally important) factor is the team Melo plays for. In the last five years, even the lean ones, the Knicks have always had a player in the top 15 of jersey sales, with such non-stars as David Lee, Jeremy Lin and even Nate Robinson making the cut in different years. Anthony is surely a big enough name to spur jersey sales no matter where he plays for, but without the Big Apple backdrop, it’s unlikely he’d be able to challenge superstars like LeBron and Kevin Durant. (Even during that make-good 2009 season in Denver, ‘Melo only finished No. 15 in jersey sales, an insulting seven spots below NateRob.)
It’s far too little, too late for Melo (or anyone else) to pass LeBron in the MVP race, but this seems like a fair consolation prize. Plus, it’s a tight jersey. I love the Knicks orange-and-blue, and No. 7 feels much more solid a number for Anthony than his old No. 15. (Not to mention the number’s history in classic New York sports, of which George Costanza would undoubtedly approve.) Maybe I’ll pick one up myself next time I’m at MSG. Or I would if the combination of Knicks tickets and a Carmelo jersey wouldn’t cost me about a fifth of my yearly income. Approximately.
Anyway, some other things I found mildly interesting from this year’s Top 15, which you can see in full here:
Even though I thought the Minnesota Timberwolves had literally killed any future “Harlem Shake” productions by NBA entities, they are still being made at an alarming rate. What you see above is Boris Diaw’s version, which is made of LEGO because, and I quote, “i am not a good dancer so i had to be creative.” Fair enough, and also big ups on getting that first executive producer credit. That’s a huge step forward. Can’t wait to see what he does next, though I am assuming it will be a Tinkertoy version of “Gangnam Style.”
Not to be outdone by a bunch of blocks, the Miami Heat did a live version of their “Harlem Shake” video at the team’s 2013 Family Festival. And actually, I’m glad they did, because it taught me something new about the “Harlem Shake” — if you do a “Harlem Shake” rendition without any costumes, it really just looks like you’re in a wet t-shirt contest without the water. Good to know.
So yes, despite the best efforts of Crunch, the NBA is still a place where “Harlem Shake” videos happen (not a good marketing campaign, btw) pretty regularly. Either these guys can’t tell when a meme has been overdone or they just love dancing. Your call.
I remember hearing once upon a time that David Stern had a Twitter account that no one knew about, he never tweeted from and was created solely for keeping tabs on NBA stuff in the cyberspace information superhighway. As far as I know, no one has ever found it, just like no one has ever found those dead bodies he buried that Stern is so fond of mentioning. (Check in the Lakers’ ceiling. There’s always stuff hidden there.)
But apparently David Stern isn’t the only high level NBA executive to keep his Twitter game on the down low. No, friends, it appears that Pat Riley is also a Twitter lurker, only his hidden account has been (allegedly) unearthed by a combination of the internet and radio producer Brendan Tobin.
This was just revealed on Miami radio. Riles admitted he was on Twitter at a Heat charity event over the weekend, and one of the guys at the station went through the Heat staff and found this account and matched it by his follows and followers.
Riles hasn’t tweeted yet and will probably abandon this account — @2620pr — in no time now that we’re (allegedly) on to him. But for now, let’s creep through the 56 people who he is (allegedly) following and have a few gentle chuckles.
At first I thought FakePatRiley (bio: “I’m Pat Riley, you’re welcome.”) was the funniest person that (Allegedly)RealPatRiley is following, but then I reconsidered and now I think it’s Tony Robbins. There’s just something about one of the NBA’s most well-respected figures in the history of its history (allegedly) starting a Twitter account to see what people are saying about his team, then deciding he needed some extra inspiration from the guy who set in motion the events from the blockbuster motion picture “Shallow Hal.” Then again, that does explain why Juwan Howard has stuck around this team for such a long time. He’s a good basketball player on the inside.
So if this is Riley, I guess it just goes to show you how easy it is for people to hide out in plain sight, even if they are famous. In fact, there could be several NBA executives following you on Twitter right now. There probably aren’t but there definitely could be. Maybe.
