Now that Dwight Howard has been traded away from the Orlando Magic, there may be a full-scale revisionist history that portrays all the ways Dwiggity disappointed the franchise. We can’t let that happen. Dwight was VERY good to Orlando, even if the end got more than a little messy.
Lucky for all the Dwightophiles out there, one man is doing his best to maintain Dwight’s legacy in Orlando. That man is Glen Davis and he’s talking about the most important thing Dwight did for the Magic. From the Orlando Sentinel’s Josh Robbins’ Twitter feed:
Glen Davis was asked what the
#Magic will miss most about Dwight Howard. Davis’ answer: Dwight’s flatulence. [...]
“The thing we’re going to miss most about Dwight is his farting ability.” [...]
“A great farter. He can fart. He can fart loud — the loudest farts. Silent farts.”
See? Not everything Dwight Howard did in Orlando was a total disaster. Every group of people needs at least one person who is great at farting and that includes basketball teams. In fact, I’d argue that basketball teams need them the most, just to keep things light during a strenuous season. That’s the main reason DeAndre Jordan got such a big contract, after all.
Plus, if you really think about it, farting around a professional basketball team is a pretty low risk/high reward maneuver. Everybody there already stinks so you’re not really going to stand out unless it’s breathtakingly horrible, but you still get the definite benefit of some fart joke laughs, which are almost always guaranteed. If you’re the team’s best farter, you should really bring the thunder. It’ll only bring the team closer together (and then back apart once they take a big whiff).
Nonetheless, there is a big, stinky hole down in Orlando that needs to be filled. Who is going to fill that void? My money’s on Hedo Turkoglu stepping up because I know firsthand what pizza can do to a human body. It’s now or never. Let ‘em rip.
(via SB Nation)