Archive for the ‘Orlando Magic’ Category

Now that Dwight Howard has been traded away from the Orlando Magic, there may be a full-scale revisionist history that portrays all the ways Dwiggity disappointed the franchise. We can’t let that happen. Dwight was VERY good to Orlando, even if the end got more than a little messy.

Lucky for all the Dwightophiles out there, one man is doing his best to maintain Dwight’s legacy in Orlando. That man is Glen Davis and he’s talking about the most important thing Dwight did for the Magic. From the Orlando Sentinel’s Josh Robbins’ Twitter feed:

Glen Davis was asked what the #Magic will miss most about Dwight Howard. Davis’ answer: Dwight’s flatulence. [...]

“The thing we’re going to miss most about Dwight is his farting ability.” [...]

“A great farter. He can fart. He can fart loud — the loudest farts. Silent farts.”

See? Not everything Dwight Howard did in Orlando was a total disaster. Every group of people needs at least one person who is great at farting and that includes basketball teams. In fact, I’d argue that basketball teams need them the most, just to keep things light during a strenuous season. That’s the main reason DeAndre Jordan got such a big contract, after all.

Plus, if you really think about it, farting around a professional basketball team is a pretty low risk/high reward maneuver. Everybody there already stinks so you’re not really going to stand out unless it’s breathtakingly horrible, but you still get the definite benefit of some fart joke laughs, which are almost always guaranteed. If you’re the team’s best farter, you should really bring the thunder. It’ll only bring the team closer together (and then back apart once they take a big whiff).

Nonetheless, there is a big, stinky hole down in Orlando that needs to be filled. Who is going to fill that void? My money’s on Hedo Turkoglu stepping up because I know firsthand what pizza can do to a human body. It’s now or never. Let ‘em rip.

(via SB Nation)

I hope you guys like Jay Leno, because this is the exact kind of story that you can fit in his monologues, I am guessing. I haven’t seen one of his shows in ages, but I have to imagine nothing has changed because nothing ever changes with him, except which denim shirt he’s going to wear. Nonetheless, let’s “Tonight Show” it up around here.

From the Orlando Sentinel:

The Orlando Magic billboard featuring Kristi Slavin’s face shouted, “BE LOUD.”

And now she is.

Slavin has sued the basketball franchise, claiming it used a photo of her face and upper body — without her permission — in a marketing campaign. The picture, taken at the Amway Center during the Magic’s 2011 playoff run, shows the fan, now 30, in a Dwight Howard jersey, her arms raised and cheering.

The image appeared on light-post banners, in a tourist magazine and, enlarged, on the back of a Lynx bus.

The lawsuit, filed last month by Winter Park attorney Hank Hornsby, contends the Magic profited from the commercial and promotional use of Slavin’s face and body, but the team neither compensated nor consulted her.

And if being outed as a Magic fan in the post-Dwight era isn’t bad enough, people even had the gall to ask her if she’s a model now.

In the lawsuit, Slavin said the ads, banners and billboard have caused “uncomfortable and embarrassing encounters and questions” from friends, family and co-workers. The document alleges her public image was altered by the unauthorized use.

“People have asked her, ‘When did you get into modeling?’ ” Hornsby said.

Slavin is seeking “more than $15,000″ in damages and her lawyer contends that she was chosen as the face of the Magic’s campaign because she was young and attractive. If she wins this lawsuit — and considering the back of every NBA ticket explicitly grants the team “‘the irrevocable and unrestricted right and license’ to use the holder’s image in ‘any medium or context’ and specifically mentions promotional purposes ‘without further authorization or compensation’,” it could be tough — then she’ll have essentially been paid 15 grand to be the world’s most visible Magic fan for a year, just because she’s pretty. There could be worse outcomes.

In response, the Magic have chosen this guy as the star of their campaign for the 2012-13 season. Seems fitting.

It’s finally over. But it shouldn’t be.

Orlando have finally traded Dwight Howard today, sending him to the Lakers in a four team deal that sees them get in return Arron Afflalo and Al Harrington from Denver, Mo Harkless and Nikola Vucevic from Philadelphia, and three protected first round picks from each of the other three teams. In addition to this, the reported deal sees Andrew Bynum go to the Sixers, Andre Iguodala to the Nuggets, and a few other contracts thrown in that frankly do not matter.

It takes only a moment to understand quite how ridiculously good a Lakers team of Nash, Kobe, anybody, Pau and Dwight should be. It’s a team that has everything, and even if Kobe continues to play the Black Mamba way that means the unit produces at less than its optimum capacity, the lineup is so good that it just shouldn’t matter. The same guy who built the Smush Parker-Chris Mihm team has now built arguably the strongest on-paper team in NBA history, and it’s frankly brilliant. All those teams who had been maneuvering to sign him as a free agent next summer need to now change their plan, for Dwight has no incentive to leave.

Denver, meanwhile, does it again. Just as they previously overpaid to re-sign Nene without ever really wanting to, they have done something similar with Afflalo, re-signing the player to a long term contract without intending to have him long-term. The Nuggets stockpiled players always with an eye to move them on later, as evidenced by the subsequent Wilson Chandler signing, and sought to get younger, more athletic, and better. They’ve done that while also managing to get cheaper; the approximately $45 million outstanding to Afflalo and Harrington dwarfs the $30.6 mil still owed to Iggy. With Ty Lawson about to command eight figures annually, this is not to be overlooked.

Philly remains a confused, ill-fitting question mark, but upgraded their best player, which is never a bad thing. Their offseason hasn’t made a whole lot of sense to date, and the players they did bring in are now even more awkward of a fit with Bynum in play. Then again, they probably never thought this was possible. And while they had to give up their best player, a huge cog of their impressive defense and three decent young assets to do it, they got an elite offensive player at his position, something they haven’t had since Allen Iverson. In downgrading their defense slightly, they should upgrade their offense significantly, a move they simply needed to make. Now, they just need a Lou Williams type. Whoops.

But all of that is secondary. Tertiary, even. This is all about Orlando, and quite what on Earth they have done.

Read the rest of this entry »

If you’re anything like me, you went to bed Thursday night sore from basketball, a little too hopped up on Diet Coke and skeptical that a reported four-team trade involving Dwight Howard, Andrew Bynum and Andre Iguodala would actually get done. This is Dwight Howard in 2012 after all, which is pretty much the antithesis of things happening in a timely manner, if at all.

So imagine my (our) surprise when I checked Twitter at 3:30 am, thanks to the aforementioned Diet Cokes — Dwight Howard traded to the Lakers, plus other stuff that is interesting but not nearly as shocking.

Naturally, this leads to questions. The first among them being, of course, is Dwight Howard really a Laker? Really? For serious?

Once you ask the first one, it’s like opening a Pandora’s box of various quandaries, both large and small. For instance:

  • Is this trade going to be rescinded? Because when it comes to “basketball reasons,” the Magic are taking home far less than the Horners were going to in the first Chris Paul trade.
  • The best the Magic could get for the best center in basketball was Arron Afflalo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Harrington and horrible draft picks? And they don’t even get two of the picks until 2015 and 2017?
  • Seriously, the Magic are getting back lottery-protected picks? It’s not like any of the teams they traded with are going to be lottery teams anyway, but even if they somehow are, the Magic really aren’t getting those picks? Smart.
  • Did Chaz have anything to do with this?
  • Is this team so good that not even Mike Brown can screw it up?
  • Does this mean the Magic preferred Arron Afflalo to Brook Lopez or Andrew Bynum or Pau Gasol? Have they seen all of those players playing basketball?
  • How many games did Dwight play for the Magic after deciding not to opt out? (10, haha.)
  • Can you still get a Dwight Howard “Loyalty” t0shirt from the Magic?
  • Following an NBA title and this trade, is LeBron James turning face?
  • Is this mostly Ramon Sessions’ fault for opting out?
  • Did the Magic forget to rid themselves of Hedo Turkoglu’s and Glen Davis’ contracts?
  • Will the Nuggets lead the NBA in alley-oops caught?
  • Is this the first time two Andres (Iguodala and Miller) will be playing together since the last time they played together?
  • Who is the next star that Darryl Morey is going to pursue and not acquire?
  • Is the collective bargaining agreement pointless?
  • In turn, does that make last summer’s lockout double-pointless?
  • Is it possible to beat “Dwight Howard is ‘Taken’” as a meme?
  • How many teams has Chris Duhon played for?
  • Is the new starting lineup in Philadelphia going to be Kwame Brown at center, Andrew Bynum at power forward and Spencer Hawes at small forward since there’s a hole there and he likes hanging out on the perimeter anyways?
  • Will Dwight Howard be able to accept that he is Shaquille O’Neal? Not “basically” any more, he is him.
  • How will any of their fans want to stay Orlando Magic fans?

These were just off the top of my head. I’m sure you have a lot of questions too. Feel free to add them in the comments.

You know a crossover is nasty when the guy who did it still has time to take a calm gather dribble before shooting an uncontested jumper. Even James Harden thinks Andres Nocioni got crossed up here.

(via I Am a GM)

Man, Jack Handey looks way different than I would have guessed.

“I don’t read what you guys write. I read a lot of comic books and they don’t mention Dwight Howard.”Brook Lopez, who must be sticking to the Marvel universe