Remember when we found out over the summer that Michael Beasley had pretty much just split when he signed with the Suns, leaving his house in Minneapolis to be sorted through by an estate sale company? Remember how that was really weird and you couldn’t help thinking, “Why does Michael Beasley have so many women’s purses?” It was a bizarre time for everyone.
Especially Michael Beasley, it turns out. He says the purses aren’t his and that you should shut up about that because it’s hurting his street cred. From the Star Tribune:
Beasley sold some of his belongings last summer in an estate sale at the Orono home he rented during his two seasons in Minnesota. It made news nationally for its eclectic mix of items, ranging from giant glass grapes to a floral headboard to bunny-shaped salt-and-pepper shakers.
“A lot of that stuff wasn’t mine, like purses and earrings and stuff,” he said, referring to a company he hired for the sale that brought other items into the house. “That kind of messed up my street cred. I’m a gangster on the street. I had some stuff that wouldn’t fit into my house here, so we just sold it. A lot of the furniture was mine. The dresses and purses? Not mine.”
Oh sure, just your classic “Those dresses and purses aren’t mine because I’m such a gangster” defense. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times. A likely story.
Seriously, haha at this entire situation. I can’t even tell if Michael Beasley is joking or not. On one hand, he could be in on thinking it’s hilarious that there was all that weird stuff at his house and be kidding around about his street cred. On the other hand, it’d be pretty easy to convince someone that Michael Beasley is actually mad that everyone thinks he was selling earrings at his estate sale. Both of these scenarios seem 100 percent plausible.
But I guess we should take his word for it, so as far as I’m concerned, all those purses that showed up to be sold at Michael Beasley’s estate sale in Michael Beasley’s home didn’t belong to Michael Beasley. I’m still convinced he’s the one that bought the giant glass grapes though.
Marcin Gortat used to be a valuable member of an NBA Finals team, playing backup center for the Orlando Magic that one time they got beat by the Lakers. Then he was traded to the Suns, who featured one of the greatest point guards in the history of basketball. It was a nice couple of years for the Polish Hammer.
Nowadays, he’s still a Sun, only now he’s playing with guys like Goran Dragic, Luis Scola and Michael Beasley, all fine players but no Hall of Famers. But he’s fine with that. Really. From AZCentral Sports:
“That’s business,” Gortat said. “ I learned that. And you know what? I have a sweet home in Phoenix. I’m feeling good out there, trust me. Biltmore. It’s just great. I live in the building with (Sen.) John McCain. I’ve got great teammates. I’ve got a sweet spot on the team. I’ve got a great mentor in Jermaine O’Neal. What else do you want to have? I’m in a great city.”
Yeah, like, Phoenix is totally cool, maaaaan. All the shots he wants, a great training staff, nice weather, there’s some botanical gardens, Jermaine O’Neal is there to talk about the struggles of balding big men. It’s pretty chill.
I mean, sure, maybe Marcin Gortat would like to win some more games or make the playoffs again, but for now he seems content to just vibe out with John McCain and maybe grab some ‘za at Pizzeria Bianco. There could be worse things in life than playing basketball in Phoenix. Just get him a bowling shirt and let him kick it Fieri style, because between the sweet house and the sweet spot on the team, things are looking pretty sweet for Marcin Gortat.
You know that old saying, “Add insult to injury?” Pretty much the literal definition of Amar’e Stoudemire’s week.
First, he found out that the burst cyst in his knee would keep him out of the lineup for six to eight weeks. Then he lived on the East Coast, which was ravaged by Hurricane Sandy and eventually led to the Knicks’ first game being postponed. Then, after the rains had stopped, he went outside to check on his Range Rover and found it in about three feet of water. Not a great few days.
On the plus side, at least he didn’t walk over to the car, realize he’d left his copy of Hootie & the Blowfish’s “Fairweather Johnson” in the CD player, then try to break a window to get it out. We all know his propensity for punching glass and that’s probably the only thing that could make this week any worse.
That’s Mo Williams laying in Al Jefferson’s bed — totally normal, don’t worry about it — looking like he’s easily got room for another five Mo Williamses to sleep comfortably in another guy’s bed. No big deal if Mo Williams is a beagle-basset-dachshund mix with the most expressive dog eyebrows in existence, but when you consider he’s listed at 6-foot-1, 195 pounds you realize just how gigantic this bed really is.
Estimating based on the picture, I’d guess the bed is probably 10 feet long by 10 feet wide. That’s WAY bigger than even the biggest of king beds and probably a real bear to get upstairs. Stuffing weighs way more than you’d think.
And since Big Al isn’t that comically tall (6-foot-10 according to official listings but way shorter at the draft combine) or wide, you pretty much just have to deduce that this means that Al Jefferson isn’t much of a cuddler. Either that or he’s started stockpiling supplies for the most epic bedroom fort imaginable. If that’s the case, Troy and Abed are going to be very jealous.
Michael Jordan’s old credit card is going to be auctioned soon, meaning you can own the very piece of plastic that was used to buy a closet full of baggy dad jeans. So that is pretty cool, I guess.
And while you might not think it’s possible to buy anything with an expired credit card, well, don’t tell Michael Jordan there’s something he can’t do unless you want to end up in a Hall of Fame speech. The key, as you may have surmised, is to only buy things that would have been relevant back when the card was active, then hope they still hold up in 2012.
With that in mind, here’s a list of things you could buy today with Michael Jordan’s expired credit card.
Lot of 100 Livestrong bracelets (or lot of 100 Kabbalah red string bracelets)
Tickets to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour
“Napoleon Dynamite” on DVD
“Chappelle’s Show” season one box set
Anything off of the Britney Spears-Kevin Federline wedding registry
Opening night tickets to “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”
Black Eyed Peas “My Humps” CD single
Black Eyed Peas “Let’s Get It Started” CD single
Black Eyed Peas “Don’t Phunk with My Heart” CD single
Black Eyed Peas “Hey Mama” CD single
Good odds on who would be named the new pope
Gilbert Arenas All-Star jersey
So you see, having Michael Jordan’s expired credit card is definitely going to come in handy, as pretty much nothing here is going to seem dated in today’s day and age. And while this list is a very good start, you know Michael Jordan had a pretty massive credit line. Ergo, let’s hear some of your purchases in the comments.