Archive for the ‘Ostentatious Displays of Wealth’ Category

Chris Paul always travels with a dozen luxury watches

Posted by Trey Kerby under Los Angeles Clippers, Ostentatious Displays of Wealth on Jun 28, 2012

If these past playoffs taught us anything, it’s that dressing fancy is the best way to get noticed in the NBA. Sure, you could dominate a game, score 40-something points or hit a ton of threes, but it’s way easier to wear a zany shirt or some glasses without lenses. That’s what really gets the people talking.

And that’s why we shouldn’t be surprised that Chris Paul has so many watches, which we’re not. The surprising part, however, is that he travels with so many at all times. From Maxim:

How many watches are in your collection?
That’s hard to say because I have so many kinds: G-Shock, sports watches, Jordan watches. But luxury watches, I have 12 that I take everywhere I go.

Why bring them all?
Because I just never know where I’ll be going or what I’ll be wearing.

I don’t know why anyone would ever need to travel with a dozen luxury watches, but I guess Chris Paul does. We all know looking good is important in the NBA and it seems that even extends to the wrists. 12 different luxury watches, though, seems hilarious because it makes you wonder how many outfits Chris Paul travels with. Watches can’t look that different, so you have to imagine he’s making decisions based on tiny things that correlate to what he has in his wardrobe.

This just seems like a waste of space though. Affording a dozen luxury watches is no big deal for a guy that makes $16 million a year, but even multimillionaires run out of space in their suitcases. Yeah, he can just buy a special watch suitcase, but that makes things such a hassle. 12 watches can’t take up a ton of room, but it’s still 12 watches worth — and you don’t want them to get scratched — and I’m guessing they’re sort of heavy. It just seems impractical.

All that being said, at least we know Chris Paul should always be on time. He literally has no excuse for not knowing what time it is. He could lose 11 watches and still be good. Heck, I’m guessing he could lose all 12 and it wouldn’t matter because it’s 2012 and his cell phone surely has the time on it. If he’s ever late for anything, don’t believe a word he says.

(via Hooped Up)

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There is an ATM in DeShawn Stevenson’s kitchen

Posted by Trey Kerby under New Jersey Nets, Ostentatious Displays of Wealth on May 30, 2012

Between posting his American Express black card online, getting a tattoo of a five dollar bill on his throat and getting a frickin’ ATM installed in his kitchen, it is almost like DeShawn Stevenson would like everyone to know that he has made more than $25 million in his career. In no way does that explain why he’s dressed like penniless jazz musician, but that seems to be the message he’s sending.

(via Nets Are Scorching)

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Chris Singleton is OK with losing $10,000 in a couple of ways

Posted by Trey Kerby under Ostentatious Displays of Wealth, Washington Wizards on Apr 03, 2012

You have probably figured out by now that Chris Singleton didn’t win the Mega Millions lottery even though he bought 10,000 tickets. If he had won, you surely would have known about it. An NBA player winning $640 million would be a national story for sure.

So he didn’t win, which isn’t surprising because everyone in North America bought multiple tickets. The odds weren’t good, but he knew that going in, saying “It’s an investment” and that he’d be happy getting any money back. Of course, that didn’t happen either, so he’s probably upset, right?

Wrong. From the Washington Post:

When asked about the purchase on Monday, Singleton said he had to buy tickets at different locations because they weren’t allowed to print his requested demand at once. He added that he felt he made a wise investment, even though he didn’t win. “Either that or blow it in the club,” Singleton said.

Fair enough. When you’ve got $10,000 that you’re going to blow one way or another, might as well spend it on something that could possibly make you a multi-millionaire. And I think it goes without saying that buying lottery tickets is way safer than spending 10 grand in a club, since, as your mom says, nothing good happens after midnight. I’m not saying this is a wise investment or the smartest thing to say, but spending less than 1 percent of a year’s salary with a tiny, tiny, infinitesimally small chance that you could be set for life is not the worst thing in the world.

That being said, as Dan Devine pointed out, if Chris Singleton ever goes broke, the Mega Millions story and the “blow it in the club” quote are going to be the first things our space children put on their astroblogs. They’ll say, “Of course he went broke. He was spending $10,000 on lottery tickets and admitted he’d do the same at an Earth club as a rookie. Please pass me the food pellets.” But until that happens, let’s just shake our heads and admit that only the Wizards have these sort of things happening. JaVale McGee may be gone but he’s never really gone.

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Chris Singleton wants the Mega Millions

Posted by Trey Kerby under Ostentatious Displays of Wealth, Washington Wizards on Mar 30, 2012

For the first time since that one Lisa Kudrow movie came out, a multi-miliion dollar lottery is a national news story before the winner is drawn. At least as far as I can remember, there’s never been a lottery that captures the public’s attention to the point that the biggest media outlets on the planet are covering the story like it isn’t some gigantic 50-50 at a high school football game. I guess that’s what spending a dollar to win $640 million will do.

And that huge number is also the reason at least one NBA bro is going hard in the MegaMillions paint. The D.C. Sports Bog has the story.

And apparently, one of those people is Wizards rookie Chris Singleton, who wrote on Twitter Wednesday night that he was about to spend $10,000 on Mega Millions tickets. He did not appear to be joking.

It’s true. It was on Twitter and he’s definitely not joking. This is a business move for Chris Singleton.

“I hope your kidding.. Your odds from buying 1 to 10,000 is insignificant,” someone else argued.

“Well if I get more than 10000 back then it was a smart investment.,” Singleton countered. “Whatever happens I’m dedicated to making more money.”

“And to him, that’s probably like $100,” a sympathetic fan noted.

“Its an investment guys,” Singleton wrote.

Everything about this actually makes perfect sense to me. A small investment — $10,000 is less than one percent of Singleton’s salary this season and the equivalent of spending $266 to someone who makes $40,000 a year — for a chance to win half a billion dollars is smart, plus there’s a bigger chance he hits enough numbers that he wins back his 10 grand and then some. Despite my best Googling efforts, I couldn’t find Chris Singleton’s college major, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Genius Investing.

And hey, if he does win, he could buy at least a significant portion of the Wizards. NBA players aren’t currently allowed to own teams and still play for them, but when you’ve got $640 million, you make the rules. Just ask Mark “Privacy Sucks” Zuckerberg.

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Here is Jerome James and his giant bike

Posted by Trey Kerby under New York Knicks, Ostentatious Displays of Wealth, Random on Mar 02, 2012

When you woke up this morning, I bet you weren’t expecting to see a photo of Jerome James standing next to a custom double-framed bike and making a full-grown human look like a midget. But sometimes, we just have to go with the flow and accept that weird things happen and that sometimes you learn that one of the NBA’s worst signings ever spent some of his money on a hilariously huge bicycle.

And trust me, you’re going to be happier knowing this exists. Sometimes, when you’re feeling blue, you can just imagine seeing Jerome James — generously listed as 300 pounds on Basketball Reference — ride this huge bike down the street and just chuckle to yourself that such a thing really happened. Or alternately, that he spent a ton of money getting this very expensive bike made and then never rode it. Either way is hilarious to imagine, so let your mind run wild.

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Zach Randolph’s cars are enormous, awesome

Posted by Trey Kerby under Memphis Grizzlies, Ostentatious Displays of Wealth on Mar 01, 2012

I’m not a car guy. The best thing I’ve ever driven — aside from my grandma’s Cadillac once — is a used Chevy TrailBlazer which I wrecked while driving to a basketball game my wife was coaching. When it comes to vehicles, the best thing I can offer you is “That looks cool” or “That’s a weird-looking car.” That’s the extent of my car knowledge.

But when it comes to Zach Randolph’s cars, I can confidently state, “That looks cool and also very funny.”

In a late summer Rides magazine profile of Randolph’s fleet, he goes on and on about his donks. Chromed-out everything, stupid-loud sound systems that give you a headache just looking at them and custom Z-Bo detailing — they’re the perfect Zach Randolph cars. Giant cars for a giant man, all falling somewhere between hilarious and amazing thanks to a number of mind-blowingly expensive upgrades.

The profile is a pretty fun read, even if you’re not in to cars. It’s worth it to hear Randolph talk about learning about donks from Darius Miles — who befuddled Nate McMillan with this jacked-up hi-riser — and for the quote, “Honestly, I’d rather have somebody drive my Phantom or Maybach than my Chevy.” Basically, Zach Randolph’s custom cars — of which he owns six — cost more than two of the most expensive rides on the planet, which he also owns for good measure. This is like a prequel to one of those “Such and such player spent all his NBA money” posts, but let’s enjoy it for now.

As Rides proclaims, Zach Randolph is the undisputed king of NBA donks. That is a weird title to hold, but congratulations. More cars after the jump.

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Jay-Z is creating some very expensive Nets suites

Posted by Trey Kerby under Brooklyn Nets, New Jersey Nets, Ostentatious Displays of Wealth on Feb 09, 2012

Outside of a few SLAM-aided years, my lifetime has always seen the New Jersey Nets as the dorky little brother to the New York Knicks. Their jerseys have always been a little worse, their team always a bit suckier. Now that the Nets are getting ready to head to Brooklyn, they’re working on remaking their image so they’re not second class citizens in their own borough.

Lucky for them, they have Jay-Z as a part owner. He’s a cool guy who makes big-time rap records, babies with a beautiful woman and a ton of money, so he’s probably a valuable contact to have when re-branding a sad sack franchise that hasn’t had a winning season in five years. And that’s why they’re using him to design ultra-high end suites that you and I probably aren’t even allowed to look at. Here are the details, courtesy of the Wall Street Journal:

[The] Nets are set to begin marketing 11 luxury suites that will be known as “The Vault at Barclays Center,” a small, high-end space on the event level of the arena. Yes, Jay-Z chose the forks—in addition to offering his input on the Champagne ($300 bottles of Armand de Brignac), the layout (asymmetrical) and much of the décor (lots of black and shimmering metallics). [...]

The suites themselves, which are still under construction, will be unabashedly bold—and that includes the price tag: $550,000 per year, with a minimum three-year term. That works out to $45,833 per month, instantly making them some of the most expensive rental properties in the city. That’s just slightly less than the $50,000-per-month asking rent on the townhouse in TriBeCa where Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the beleaguered former director of the International Monetary Fund, recently resided.

The tenants of each suite will receive eight tickets in the first 10 rows to all Barclays Center events, including Nets games, other sporting events, concerts and family shows. Yormark said he hopes to book 220 events per year. So here’s some rough math: If each event averages five hours, that means tenants will be paying $500 per hour—or about $8.33 per minute—for access to The Vault. “It enables us to appeal to a different demographic,” Yormark said.

If you want to spend $8.33 a minute to sit in an asymmetrical room and watch the Nets play basketball, then that is your decision. I would personally prefer to spend my hard-earned millions on something other than marveling at Deron Williams’ hair and Johan Petro’s extremely tall head, but we all have our favorite pastimes. Though truthfully, if you’re spending half a million bucks on a premium suite, you’re probably not worried about the money, the quality of basketball or anything outside of making sure people know you’re flush.

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