Archive for the ‘Portland Trail Blazers’ Category

You might think I’m joking about Kenneth Faried actually knocking out Kurt Thomas with this accidental kick, but Kurt really left the game with a mild concussion, thanks to taking Faried’s adidas to the face. I mean, look at the way he wobbles when he tries to get up. That is a serious strike. The guy in the bottom left corner of this picture knows what I’m talking about.

Concussions are no joke, just ask Kobe Bryant. Now I’m worried Kurt Thomas is only going to be able to play until he’s 55, rather than the 85 like he was planning.

Of course, knowing Kurt Thomas, he’ll probably be back this weekend, hitting 12-footers from the baseline. Not sure anything fazes that guy.

I don’t know about you, but it is weird for me to think of professional athletes driving cars. For whatever reason, it always feels like they’re chauffeured or in a plane. It just seems strange to me that a basketball player would be driving his car down the street. It seems so normal.

But they do drive, because they have to get places somehow. And if they’re driving, then they’re crashing occasionally. It happened to LaMarcus Aldridge this weekend thanks to a little Maybach Music. From the Oregonian:

It was one of those days where everything was going right. He had a great nap. Rick Ross was bumping on his stereo in his “baby” — a 2009 black Ferrari — and he was on his way to the Rose Garden, where he and the Trail Blazers play so well.

“I was feeling good, feeling great,” Aldridge said. “It felt like it was going to be one of those nights where I didn’t miss. I felt really rested, had good music going, just in a really good mood. It was like, it couldn’t be any better.”

Then disaster struck.

He was on Broadway, a couple of blocks away from the Rose Garden, when a 2003 Toyota in front of him moved into the left lane. It was like the lane had opened and he had a clear path to the hoop. So he drove.

But the driver of the Toyota changed his mind. He wanted back in the right lane, and veered in without signaling. The cars collided, with Aldridge’s Ferrari ending up beached on the curb, interlocked with the Toyota.

Oh man, wrecking your car is the worst. Between the time it takes to figure out insurance stuff, court proceedings and getting a new car, it’s such a hassle. Lucky for him he’s a multi-millionaire who probably already has another few fancy cars to choose from.

But still, wrecking a Ferrari is probably a pretty big bummer. Imagine how sad you were when you wrecked your 10-year-old Cutlass Supreme then multiply that by 100. Then factor in that he was listening to Rick Ross — and that there is a legitimate chance he was hearing a lyric about a black Ferrari that looks like the Batmobile — and this is not a great way to start the weekend.

Luckily no one was hurt, and the crash didn’t seem to bother LaMarcus, as he put up 29 points, nine rebounds and five assists just a few hours after seeing his baby get destroyed. I’m sure the cost and the safety concerns are prohibitive, but if the Trail Blazers could figure out a way to have their superstar total a luxury sports car before every game, they’d have an MVP candidate on their hands. It’s an idea so crazy it just might work.

Exhibit A — Serge Ibaka blocks 10 shots against the Mavericks
This is great shot-blocking. Since 2000, 10 blocks is tied for the third-highest one game total, just behind Keon Clark, JaVale McGee (both 12) and Marcus Camby (11). Plus, the Thunder won by nine, so these were very important to the cause.

Exhibit B — Marcus Camby blocks three straight shots in 16 seconds
Extrapolated over a minute, this comes out to 15 blocks per minute. Over 36 minutes, that’s 405 blocks in a single game. That’s incredible, even though I can’t imagine Marcus Camby could keep up such a pace. If he did though, that’d be the second-most blocks in a single season. I think he should go for it.

We are all familiar with the famous score 100 points get a fast food item for free promotion. Chalupas, Big Macs, tacos — whichever fast food behemoth has the funds to hookup fans of a winning team that tops the century mark, that’s what the fans are eating. Fans go CRAZY for these, to the point that some guys get nicknames because they win things for the fans. It’s insane.

As fans, we know what it’s like to win these treats we’ll never actually collect. But what about the players — how do they feel? Last night, we found out. Twice.

First, Lavoy Allen of the Philadelphia 76ers, from the 700 Level:

“I’m expecting a couple of them to give me their tickets,” Allen joked after the game of the fans cheering for his big bucket. “I’m feeling for a couple of Big Macs tomorrow.”

After a career highs in minutes, points, rebounds and blocks, hooking him up with some free Big Macs is the least 76ers fans can do. There’s no way they’re all going to collect them anyway, so might as well slide a couple burgers Lavoy’s way. He’s making the league’s minimum salary, so every little bit helps.

Luke Babbitt also hit a shot to win some food out in Portland. Blazersedge has his reaction.

“It feels good to give the fans Taco Bell,” Babbitt told Blazersedge.

Though none of us have ever been in a position to give 20,000 people a chalupa, I think we all know what this feels like. Maybe you’ve brought bagels to the office or wings to a football brodown, and people appreciated it. That’s a nice feeling, doing something nice for your pals. Now imagine that times a thousand. It has to be amazing, like 20,000 people giving you a hug at the same time, but not in a weird way.

It just goes to show you, there is nothing quite like giving people free fast food that they probably won’t even redeem. It’s such a rush. You should really try it sometime.

At least Kurt Thomas is a few months shy of being twice Tristan Thompson’s age, otherwise this would be really embarrassing. Maybe throw in a pump fake every now and then. Just a suggestion.

This Monday through Friday, I’m going to give my season predictions in a countdown from worst to first. The format will be three teams per post, one post in the morning and one in the afternoon. Whichever team you’re a fan of, there’s a good chance you’ll feel like I’m disrespecting them. I understand this, and I promise you I won’t take your insults personally.

18. Denver Nuggets
The Nuggets were the feel-good story of the end of the 2010-11 regular season when they went 18-7 after the Carmelo Anthony trade. Unfortunately, I don’t see how they can sustain that level of success with key players Wilson Chandler, Kenyon Martin and J.R. Smith stuck in China due to contractual obligations to their teams. As great a coach as George Karl is, I just don’t think they have the manpower to return to the post-season.

Things aren’t entirely desolate in the Rocky Mountains. The Nuggets re-signed top-10 center Nenê and Arron Afflalo is back to provide his tenacious defense and long-range shooting. Elsewhere, Danilo Gallinari and Ty Lawson both show potential to become top-10 players at their positions. Even if the Nuggets don’t crack the top eight in the West this season, there’s a lot of reason to believe that they’ll be a force to be reckoned with in the near future.

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What is even going on any more?

From Chris Broussard:

Sources say Brandon Roy to announce medical retirement due to degenerative knees, possibly as soon as today

Now this is from Chris Broussard, the guy who maintained LeBron James was going to Chicago, even on the day of “The Decision,” then changed his story at the last minute because he got a tip, so just wait until it actually happens to believe it’s happening. Let’s take this with all the grains of salt until Brandon Roy is announcing in his weirdly high-pitched voice that he is really retiring.

But seriously, between this and Chris Paul being traded and then not traded, it’s been a weird 24 hours in the league. It’s right up there with that time Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson went “Punch Drunk Love” on a few fans’ faces. That was probably still weirder but I think we can all agree that those two guys going nuts is not the most far-fetched thing in NBA history. These two things are just mind-blowing to have happened in such quick succession.

That being said, it’s easy to understand why Brandon Roy would retire. At this point, his knees are made of balsa wood, hardened toothpaste, old rubberbands and those wires you use to hang greenery during the Christmas season. His knees are jealous of Greg Oden’s knees.

Plus, this wouldn’t be the first time the Trail Blazers have convinced a cap killer to retire when he still was able to play in the NBA, word to Darius Miles. If he’s a medical retirement, he still gets all the money from that giant contract he signed in 2010, so it’s not the worst thing in the world for him.

Of course, just like Darius Miles, Roy could retire and then decide that at 27 he’s not ready to be done playing professional basketball for the rest of his life. If he comes back and some other team signs him — and he plays for 10 games — the Trail Blazers are on the hook for his salary, which would be the only thing more hilarious than paying a max salary to 2011 Brandon Roy in the first place.

But yeah — Brandon Roy might be retiring. Everything is going nuts. Any minute now, I assume we’ll be finding out that Dwight Howard has been traded to the moon for a bunch of space rocks or something else that’s totally bananahands.

Please advise….