Archive for the ‘Random’ Category

You know, just one of those days you stumble across former NBA center Jim McIlvaine’s personal YouTube account after somehow finding a Facebook album full of pictures of him surfing in Lake Michigan. Weird day, but hopefully you can fix your alternator now.

kids-playing-basketball

Shea Serrano took his twin 6-year-old sons to a week of basketball camp. This is what transpired.

Each Summer, I enroll the boys (“the boys” = my sons, not my testicles, though the transitive relationship among the sets does not escape me) in a basketball camp. It’s fun enough for them, and that’s neat, but mostly the reason I enjoy putting them in there is because, I mean, have you ever spent a summer with twin boys before? That s–t is horrendous. They’re everywhere, always. It’s like hanging out with Sonic the Hedgehog, except there are two of them, and rather than trying to collect rings they spend a good portion of their time trying to sneak punch you in the cock.

But anyway, the positive: The boys like basketball. We play it on screens (I bought an old XBOX from a guy on Twitter that turned out to be the assistant to Clutch, the Houston Rockets mascot, which is a job that I didn’t even know existed until I met him) and we play it in real life. (They play with some weak ass rules though. Like, they just start making things up if they’re losing. I got called for a violation once because I was “too big.”) And that’s dope. I’m glad we’re able to share that. I shared/share it with my dad, and they’ll (hopefully) be the same way.

But so the camp is a dual purpose thing then. It keeps their tiny brains happy during the long days of summer, and it allows me to rest my brain from being on steady Cockpunch Defense, which is an especially arduous and heavy effort (anyone that’s ever hung out with a group of drunk white guys knows). The camp is five days long. The boys went last week. I sat in the stands and took notes like a total creeper.

Monday, August 5, 2013 the year of our Lord

The last sport the boys played was soccer. A microcosm: Each game, Boy A tried to rip the femurs out of any legs dumb enough to exist near him. He is an especially competitive kid. Anytime he’s ever lost at something, he’s followed it with a gigantor-scream, wiped the tears from his face, then demanded a rematch. Boy B, by contrast, spent almost all of the second game of the season trying to give a Cheeto to a butterfly. That’s just how they live.

They were the same way today at basketball camp. A attempted to win EVERYTHING, and B walked around telling people that his new shoes made him faster than a puma. I guess technically he could’ve been telling the truth, but I don’t know. Really, I don’t even know what a puma is. I think it might be a made up animal. I’m not the king of pumas, bro.

The most exciting moment: During a rebounding exercise, Boy A was pitted against a tall, lanky (probably) 8-year-old. It seemed like an automatic L for him. And at first it was. The bigger kid chased the ball with a proper swiftness after it caromed off the rim, simply out-quicking A. Their second going though, A did a flat-out Dennis Rodman dive and got there first. One of the instructors gave him a high five. A didn’t even smile. He’s a murderer.

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Between this and yesterday’s McDonald’s contest from 1997, I think we’ve officially reached peak Longley. I don’t think anyone would have expected that to happen 12 years after his retirement, but I don’t think anyone would have guessed he’d miss time while he was playing because he was stung by a scorpion either. But here we are, living in the golden age for Luc Longley commercials from the 90s. Feels great.

(via Adam Ryan)

Here is Michael Jordan dunking a basketball at age 50.

And here is Jason Williams throwing an off-the-floor alley-oop during an exhibition game at age 37.

Or, I suppose, this could be your daily reminder that 37 is old in the NBA world, meaning 50 is ancient. And also that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Oh, and of course, that throwing fancy passes will always be slightly cooler than dunking. And finally, that “Air” and “White Chocolate” are two of the best nicknames in NBA history. Lots of reminders to be found here.

(via BDL/SLAM)

Congratulations John, on your wedding. Congratulations other John, for making a cool $99 for recording a video message. Congratulations to all the other Johns too, just because.

(via Reddit)

adam-morrison-gonzaga

Not gonna lie — I almost totally forgot about your annual Adam Morrison update. But just like during the past two Julys, it’s time to see what Adam Morrison is up to.

Here’s what he’s up to, via Eye On College Basketball:

Former Gonzaga star and National Player of the Year Adam Morrison is taking classes at the West Coast Conference school and will be a member of the Bulldogs’ coaching staff this season, coach Mark Few told CBSSports.com on Thursday.

“He’ll be a student assistant,” Few said. “It’ll be great. The players really respect him.”

It seems like just yesterday that Adam Morrison was threatening to retire if he didn’t make the Trail Blazers, which means it seems like just the day after yesterday (today, but not really) that Adam Morrison decided to retire after not making the Trail Blazers. Now that he’s returning to college and moving in to coaching, I guess the dream is really over. Who knows if there will even be annual Adam Morrison updates anymore? I mean, people aren’t dying to hear the status of various student assistants for mid-major college teams, believe it or not.

But hey, I guess this is growing up, Blink 182. It’s pretty obvious at this point that an NBA comeback isn’t in the cards for Adam Morrison, so why not make a move? No one wants to play basketball in Europe for the rest of their life, not even if they look like they could be a member of every European basketball highlight filmed from 1976-1988. And that’s why, I’m guessing, Adam Morrison is a coach now. After all, Gonzaga treated him pretty well the first time around.

So yeah, this has been your annual Adam Morrison update for 2013: he’s a coach now, not a player. Check back next year, maybe. Thanks for reading.

My three favorite basketball shots, in reverse order: 3) Friend Sandwich 2) 75-Pointer 1) Tony Dancin’. Leave your own personal power rankings in the comments.

(via John Moe/Sad on Vacation)