Archive for the ‘Roy Hibbert’ Category

Here is Roy Hibbert doing some MMA training that involves hitting him with padded sticks that could conceivably be long salamis if you squint. The joke is in the reveal that his training partner has to stand on a gigantic box to be as tall as Roy while he’s doing tiny chops with the padded sticks. Good joke.

Here is Roy Hibbert after playing paintball. The joke is that he’s not standing on anything. Great joke.

Based on these two pieces of evidence, it’s quite possible that Roy Hibbert is the NBA’s foremost practitioner of close-range combat. As long as you’re fighting him with padded attacks and ammunition that can’t actually hurt him, no one stands a chance.

Considering the last time Roy Hibbert wanted to be on a show he just asked and was told yes, Besides, the very little acting experience he does have is pretty great. As long as the “Sons of Anarchy” can find a gigantic motorcycle, I imagine this will work out perfectly too.

Think that’s the best headline ever? Read the story of how it happened because it’s even better. From today’s NBA Hangtime podcast (15:55 mark):

Roy Hibbert: We went to Roscoe’s. I had never been to Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. I know Snoop Dogg frequents that place a lot and I just wanted to go see celebrities. I felt that was the best place to go.

So myself, another person from the Pacers organization and Tyler Hansbrough, we met up with Chelsea and some of the writers. We ate and then we actually didn’t want the night to end. We heard there was a club across the street and it was Jamaican Gold Night. So we walk over there, we get a table — and it’s very hood, a very hood club, black people in there just acting crazy and everything like that…

Chelsea Peretti: And this is when I really come alive.

RH: Yeah, yeah. She was dancing. Seriously, she was in — you ever seen those old J Lo videos where she’s in the middle of the club, just dancing? That’s what she was. She was in control of her environment.

CP: But did you know that he was doing the butterfly? And I was like, “This is crazy.”

RH: It was a fun night. It was weird. We’re at the table and then we see some guy in a wheelchair, selling some stuff out of his wheelchair. And I won’t go in to detail but he’s over there doing business inside the club in a wheelchair. Straight out of a movie.

Just imagine Roy Hibbert with a broken nose, Tyler Hansbrough and tiny Chelsea Peretti (here’s a picture to jog your imagination) all full of chicken and waffles, just dancing their hearts out in the middle of a “very hood club.” That would be quite the spectacle.

But that’s not the funniest thing about Roy Hibbert getting his nose broken. This is.

Kobe broke my nose and I actually talked to him about this at the All-Star Game expecting a little sympathy and I got none from Kobe.

Expecting sympathy from Kobe Bryant — are you crazy, Roy Hibbert? I wouldn’t go so far as to say that he relishes breaking opponents’ noses, but he certainly doesn’t care if he does. In Kobe Bryant’s world, sometimes noses get broken. (And sometimes it’s kinda on purpose, but don’t worry about it.)

So yeah, Roy Hibbert seems like a pretty chill bro who’s down to get his nose broken and then go out to party with some comedians. Totally worth listening to that podcast, if only for the part where Peretti starts ripping on Hibbert for picking Dennis Haysbert as the celebrity he’d most want to meet. She’s very good at that. Hahaha-ini, for sure.