Fans of puns and/or keeping dry are going to love this — an honest-to-goodness umbrella emblazoned with Shawn Kemp doing a nasty tomahawk. Why does it make sense? Because he’s the Reign Man, duh. And because he became famous in Seattle, which is famous for being rainy, duh. Duh.
The Reign Man umbrella comes from UNDRCRWN, the internet’s finest purveyor of basketball-ish goods, and it retails for $40, which means you need to make sure you don’t leave this in a cab. Lucky for you, forgetful umbrella owner, that Shawn Kemp graphic will make this easy to identify if one of your buddies is really in to old-timey stuff and keeps an umbrella storage canister near the door for when people visit. No more mistaking your black umbrella for your friend’s black umbrella or for your other friend’s black umbrella.
And hey, not many basketball players have weather-related nicknames, so this is kind of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Unless someone makes a “Thunder” Dan Majerle rain slicker soon, this is pretty much it. Go nuts, amateur meteorologists.
Back when iBooks Author was announced, I remember making a jokey joke on Twitter about somehow figuring out a way to use it to write a book of jokey jokes (Mr. Cool Brags over here). Well, I’ve been scooped, because “Mommy, What’s a SuperSonic?” by Andrew Gall exists.
As I’m sure you’ve guessed, “Mommy, What’s a SuperSonic?” is the tale of how the Sonics came to leave Seattle, only it’s made to look like a kids book because the author is, by his own admission, a terrible artist. From Seattle Weekly:
“I too relocated from Seattle, in my case a year and a half ago, after the ad firm I was working for closed its doors and I decided to seek other opportunities,” says Gall of how his Seattle roots.
“As my interest and hope for the return of the NBA to Seattle began to regenerate, I thought about putting out something simple and quick about the Sonics, in hope of renewing fan interest and discussion about who the team was and why they left. And the fact is, it’s pretty sad that kids growing up in Seattle today will literally be asking their parents the question of who the Supersonics were and why they left,” says Gall. “I thought that I could create something that would be a nice way for parents to be able to take a trip down memory lane, through the good AND tragic times, at the same time teaching their kids an important civic history lesson about what was among many Seattleites’ fondest memories–the Sonics.”
The result is a 32-page, iPad only book that’s available on iTunes for free. There’s embedded YouTube highlights, amateur illustrations of Sonics legends like Shawn Kemp and Michael Cage, and rhymes about all of these things, all atop what appears to be a finger-painted rendition of the Sonics’ old logo. In other words, it’s the perfect idea and what I am guessing is the exact thing Steve Jobs envisioned when he dreamt of the iPad.
More screenshots after the jump. Go download this.
Believe it or not, there are some former Seattle SuperSonics fans who are still upset about their team leaving town and turning in to the Oklahoma City Thunder. Surprising, I know. You would think that nearly four years after the relocation, the fan base would be totally OK with their city’s longest-tenured and most successful sports franchise being moved to a city that is primarily filled with steakhouses.
Nonetheless, that is the case and that is the reason why the bros behind the documentary “Sonicsgate” showed up to last night’s Game 4 decked out in full Sonics gear with their faces all zombied out to cheer for the Heat. It’s the kind of stunt Bill Simmons dreams of.
Maybe you have heard about this little bit of secret NBA knowledge, but the Oklahoma City Thunder used to be the Seattle SuperSonics. I know, it’s surprising. Hardly anyone ever talks about this, so you are forgiven if you’ve never heard this covert information.
But anyways, animosity exists between these two fan bases, with some Seattle fans hating the Thunder because they had their team stolen. Understandable, but sometimes it goes too far. Like, for instance, when a Thunder fan is trying to get his haircut in Seattle, only to be kicked out of the chair for cheering for the wrong team. From a recent Yelp review:
The situation. I have a 4pm appointment with Niko, today. I arrive a half an hour early because I took the bus, which I rarely do so it’s better to be early than late.
I’m sitting there reading an old ESPN magazine when John starts ranting about how 63 percent of people polled in Seattle are supporters of the NBA Thunder team and the rest are not, something to this extent. He goes on to call anybody in Seattle who supports this team complete idiots and wonders where they are; he’s never met them etc. I mention to him casually, as in, casual barbershop sport talk manner, that I am Thunder fan and have been a fan of Kevin Durant since he played in Seattle. I go on to ask him how the Thunder owner stealing the Super Sonics from us relates to rooting for Kevin Durant and other former Sonics players.
John says, “There’s the door.” And gives me a rude, I just ate a piece of sh*t for breakfast look.
I mention that he’s not the person appointed to cut my hair and he’s taking this thing super seriously. He says, “yes I am taking this super seriously.” At this point, a solid “WTF” is going through my head. There’s at least 8 people in the shop and it’s dead quiet, my barber obviously isn’t backing me up even though this asshole is about to cost him business of a loyal customer of almost 2 years so I go up to John, look him in his face and say, “Alright then.” I go to Niko, “alright then Niko”…”Alright then, Rich.” And then I’m out, never to return.
Obviously, since this is the internet and trickery happens, this could be a fake story. As long as we all agree that could be the case, we can have some laughs about this actually being the case. Why would you make this up? And if you did, why would you post it as a Yelp review? I’m choosing to believe it’s real because it’s hilarious and that’s how I want to live my life.
Besides, don’t you want the world to be a place where barbers can kick people out of their shops for the dumbest reasons? Me too. It makes things way better, like a real life version of “Barbershop,” which I haven’t seen since sophomore year of college but I am assuming it is exactly like this. Or maybe it’s like those old Nike barbershop commercials from the 90′s, only far more angry.
Whatever the case, this just goes to show you that the only thing that can come between a man and cutting hair is deep-seated hatred for people he has never met that should be playing sports in his city. I think we all knew that was the case, but it’s glad to have some evidence to back it up.
(via That NBA Lottery Pick)
Sure, he wants it to be in 2007, but I’m willing to bet he’s still hoping the Heat pull a come-from-behind victory in their series with the Celtics. If that happens, maybe he’ll even spring for an updated jersey-jersey backpack combo, though I’m sure he gets a kick out of zinging both the Cleveland and Seattle fan bases.
Or, I suppose, he could just dig out his Paul Pierce satchel. It’s probably still wrapped around the Kobe Bryant jersey he wore it with back in 2010.
It’s been more than nine years since Gary Payton played his last game for the now-defunct Seattle SuperSonics, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad time to get a Gary Payton Sonics tattoo. Or any Gary Payton tattoo, really. As we all know, it’s always the right time for a GPT (Gary Payton tattoo).
Anyhow, this is an actual Gary Payton tattoo on the actual torso of an actual grownup human female. The work is pretty exquisite because I think we can all agree that that Gary Payton tattoo actually looks like Gary Payton. That doesn’t always happen with tattoos of people, but this one even accurately displays that pointy back part on The Glove’s skull, so kudos to the artist who inked this.
It’s just too bad GP never really had a signature move or pose because this kind of looks like he’s just exasperated from looking at this lady’s nipple. Seems to me, Tattoo Gary is like “Ugh, more nipple? Come on, lady. Let me see some shoulder or something.” Anything but nipple again.” Certainly understandable, but I’d like to have seen him in a defensive crouch or doing one of those weird lunging karate-kick layups he was famous for — not to mention, the green and yellow jerseys are way better than the green and bronzish orange the late-90s Sonics wore — but it’s not my body. If this woman wanted Sighing Gary, then I’m sure she’s very happy with how things turned out because this looks great.
Also, cool fingernails.
(via I Am a GM)