Shaquille O’Neal’s ringtone isn’t the Superman theme song? My whole world is shattered.
Archive for the ‘Shaquille O’Neal’ Category
Posted by Trey Kerby under Score Video, Shaquille O'Neal on May 01, 2013
Posted by Trey Kerby under Miami Heat, Score Video, Shaquille O'Neal on Apr 29, 2013
I know it’s only April, but this feels like our first summer jam of the year. Bump this in your truck.
Posted by Trey Kerby under Charles Barkley, Score Video, Shaquille O'Neal on Apr 26, 2013
This is one of those dream pairings that you dream about — the two most well-known sports media superstars of our generation meeting up with our generation’s two most accomplished movie stars and just LIFTING WEIGHTS and GETTING SWOLL. This is like “The Avengers” got the “Fast and Furious” franchise pregnant while “Shooter” was fooling around with “Monday Night Raw,” then those two super babies had their own baby and raised it as an NBA fan.
I literally didn’t leave the house this morning to see the end of this. Trust me, it was worth it.
Posted by Trey Kerby under Los Angeles Lakers, Music, Shaquille O'Neal on Apr 12, 2013
I don’t want to spoil the entire thing for anyone, but there is a must-read piece about Kobe Bryant’s ill-fated rap career on Grantland that you must read. But before you do that, let’s enjoy what may be the two funniest parts of the thing, just because you can imagine the respective mouths that said these things.
First, here’s Kobe Bryant doing what he does best — scolding a teammate for failing during a competition.
After a few rounds, Broady ran out of lyrics and the sparring session wound down. Kobe then chided his teammate. “Yo, you got to be in lyrical fitness, man,” Bryant told Broady, referencing a well-known lyric by the rapper Canibus.
I know the internet uses LOL when anything is even the least bit funny, but I legitimately L’d out L when I read this. Kobe Bryant has always been Kobe Bryant, I guess, even when he was trying to be a rapper. Too good.
Now it’s the Shaq portion of the post, and as you might expect, Shaq talking about rap is actually Shaq rapping about Kobe rapping.
Shaq also took shots at Kobe in 2001. “I’m at All-Star Weekend in D.C. and I ran into Shaq,” Rick Nice says. “He’s wearing a white fur and we’re in the VIP section in the hotel. I am trapped in the corner. He has a radio with CDs and he’s playing the beats and he’s rhyming, freestyling, making s–t up off the top of his head. ‘Something something and I can’t stand Kobe / Something something and I rap better than Kobe / Something something I flip skills better than Kobe / I score more than Kobe.’
After a while, I’m looking at him like, ‘Why are you going so hard at Kobe with these rhymes?’ I didn’t know what to feel. It felt weird. I’m trying to flirt with girls and Shaq had me in a headlock rhyming about Kobe. He said, ‘I got bars. I got bars for Kobe.’ He had this radio that looked little in his hand. He had beat CDs and was changing the CDs and rapping and wouldn’t let you leave until you heard his rap. I was like, ‘Wow, OK.’”
If you’re not already doing it, please imagine Shaquille O’Neal, chilling in a hotel bar while wearing a white fur coat with a tiny portable CD player in his hand, forcing people to listen to him rap about how much better of a rapper he is than another basketball player, who just so happens to be his teammate and archnemesis. This is quite possibly the least hip-hop/most Shaquille O’Neal thing that has ever happened.
So yes, read the whole thing, especially if you want to have your mind blown by people sincerely praising Kobe Bryant’s skills on the mic. But also read it for people laughing about Kobe Bryant’s skills on the mic. It’s the best of both worlds.
Posted by Trey Kerby under Los Angeles Lakers, Shaquille O'Neal, Whoops on Apr 03, 2013
Notice anything wrong about Shaquille O’Neal’s banner for his recently retired jersey? Like I don’t know, maybe a notched collar at the top that clearly shows us that this is the front of a Lakers jersey, rather than the back where “O’Neal 34″ is supposed to go? Yep, that’s exactly what is wrong.
As you can see, that little horizontal notch proves that the Lakers definitely created a banner that put Shaq’s name and number on the front of a Lakers jersey. What’s more unclear is whether or not every other wrinkly retired jersey is the same thing — since the old Lakers uniforms had a scoop neck collar, all those Wests, Jabbars and Chamberlains very well could be frontsy-backsies. It’s impossible to know.
What we do know, however, is that Shaquille O’Neal will be honored forever and ever with a banner of a retired jersey that would have to be sold at TJ Maxx because someone accidentally printed the back on the front. Pretty weird.
Lakers spokesman tells BDL that the last-name-on-front Shaq jersey raised Tuesday “was an error + will be corrected …”
“… as soon as we can get a new jersey for the wall made up.” Replacement hopefully ready in one week, but could be a couple.
So yeah, whoops.
Posted by Trey Kerby under Los Angeles Lakers, Shaquille O'Neal on Apr 02, 2013
There’s no reason to get in to the storied Shaquille O’Neal-Dwight Howard feud because we all know what’s happened betwixt the two. Basically, Dwight wants to be Shaq without anyone calling him on it and Shaq wants to agree with him that Dwight could never be as good as he was and that he invented the Superman nickname/persona. Even if that sentence isn’t entirely accurate, I think it sums up the general sentiments pretty well.
Except never mind, because that’s all a fallacy. The only reason Shaq ever said anything bad about Dwight Howard is because he wants Dwight to be great because he loves Dwight. At least that’s what Shaq says. From the Los Angeles Times:
“I love Dwight and I see his potential. Hopefully when I say these things he gets mad,” O’Neal said in an interview. “Just think about it. At the dunk contest, he dunked on that thing when it was 15 feet. Remember that? OK, so why can’t you back people down [in the post]? Because if you think I didn’t play against great centers, he’s not playing against nobody, you know what I mean?
“So he should be able to back people down and jump-hook them to death. That’s why I envision in him as a player.” [...]
“Same thing Kareem [Abdul-Jabbar] did to me, the same thing Wilt [Chamberlain] did to me,” O’Neal said. “I can remember one time reading an article and I’m averaging 37 [points] in the playoffs and we lose and somebody asks Kareem, ‘Hey, what do you think about Shaq? He’s a great player.’ And Kareem says, ‘Yeah, he’s OK, but he hasn’t won any championships.’ I didn’t respond, I didn’t cry, I just stepped up and got to the next level. So I’m always going to stay on [Howard] because I actually see him being one of the best Lakers ever if he steps up.”
First things first, Shaquille O’Neal never averaged 37 points per game during the playoffs in any season of his career. But I think we’ve all learned to accept that any stat Shaq gives about his own career is going to be made-up. Had to mention it, but it’s part of the game at this point, so whatever.
Second things second, this feels like equal parts “being nice” and “covering your tracks so that you’re on the right side of history” from Shaq. I’m sure Shaq does think a lot of what he has said about Dwight should serve as motivation, but it also feels like he’s kind of just saying this now because he wants to be able to have a small piece of whatever legacy Dwight leaves in Los Angeles. I mean, what is motivating about saying that Dwight is worse than Robin Lopez? Or even Brook Lopez? That’s just Shaq saying stuff to make people notice what he said; it doesn’t have anything to do with making Dwight Howard a better basketball player.
So yeah, I guess Shaquille O’Neal is a big Dwight Howard fan now. And I’m sure this has nothing to do with Shaq getting his number retired at the Staples Center tonight. And I’m sure Shaq won’t use this as an excuse to keep trashing Dwight Howard whenever he wants since he’s only doing it to make Dwight better. I’m sure all those things are just as true as the time he averaged 37 a game in the playoffs.