J.R. Smith is everyone’s everything. Remember when he and his beautiful haircut signed with the Knicks last year during Linsanity then came in and scored 60? (I didn’t look that stat up, but I’m almost certain it’s true.) Remember when he was the lovable gunner in Denver? Remember when he was the loathsome gunner in Denver? Remember when he was the lovable gunner again in Denver? Remember his slam dunk contest? Remember his purported gang affiliations? Remember him posting pictures of a model on Twitter? Remember 4,000 other things?
J.R. Smith is amazing. J.R. Smith is love. You love him, even if you don’t love him, and only J.R. Smith can even explain exactly what that means. So help him out here. Give him his tattoos back. Feel free to leave your handiwork in the comments.
When I saw this photo pop up on Skeets’ tumblr, I thought what most people probably think — wow, Chris Andersen has a lot of tattoos. And it’s true. He has a whole bunch, including a 303 chain and the beginnings of a Honky-Tonk wordmark across his abs. Good for him.
But then I thought about something else — does Chris Andersen have more tattooed skin than un-tattooed skin? And because I have Photoshop and it is my job to get to the bottom of important questions like this one, I decided to figure out the answer.
First things first, I took out everything that wasn’t tattoos.
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It is 2012 and basically every NBA player has tattoos. It’s so widespread that even Tim Duncan has a couple and not having them is more the exception than the rule. It used to be a big deal that NBA players were inked up, with basically only Dennis Rodman and Allen Iverson showing off a lot of art, but now my mom has three. That is how much things have changed.
Except for Jared Sullinger, who’s vowing to stay to tattoo-free for his entire career. From CSSNE.com’s Jessica Camerato:
“No tattoos,” he recently told CSNNE.com. “I promised my mother. You know if you break a promise, you’re not going to be living for the next days (laughs). I want to live as long as I can, so I’m not going to break that promise.”
If ever there were a reason to not get a tattoo, fear of being murdered by your mother is pretty solid. Totally get where he’s coming from on this one.
However, if he ever decides to get a tattoo and still wants to keep things hidden from his mumsy, perhaps he could go the Kevin Durant route and get some nice business tatts. That’s a strategy employed by 90 percent of college aged girls who get tattoos on spring break, and it seems to work pretty well. I’m not saying he should break a promise to his mom and get killed for it; I’m just saying there are options.
If not though, I guess we found Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s new favorite player.
As a bro with two tattoos that I’m pretty sure no one else on Earth would consider getting and who is considering adding Picasso’s line drawing of a dachshund to the collection, I feel like I am disqualified to weigh in on this particular topic. So I’ll turn it over to you guys — Is there possibly a good reason to get a tattoo that says “I slept with Shaq” tattoo on your forehead?
My guess is that the answer is no, because duh, but maybe you’ll change your mind after reading the explanation behind why Los Angeles DJ David “Tattoo” Gonzalez (get it?) has that inked on his dome. From Los Angeles Weekly:
[The] tattoo across his forehead truly seals his gonzo credentials. Removing his Raiders cap, he displays it, sprawled in oddly formal cursive: “I Slept With Shaq.” He got the ink during a contest for Lakers NBA Finals tickets in 2001, a challenge presented by Power morning-show DJ Big Boy. Gonzalez showed the handiwork to Shaq — who was impressed — and Big Boy soon gave him a job at the station.
On one hand, this dude got tickets to the 2001 NBA Finals, props from Shaq and a job just from getting four words tattooed on his forehead, which is a pretty good return on investment. On the other hand, he has a tattoo that says “I slept with Shaq” on his face for the rest of his life.
Again, I’m pretty strongly in the “No, this is not a good idea” camp, but maybe I am being too close-minded about having maybe the worst tattoo ever on your face. A spirited defense of this life choice would be appreciated, so let’s hear your best arguments in the comments.
(via West Coast Sound)
It’s hard to find someone who doesn’t like James Harden, especially after a season that saw him take home the Sixth Man of the Year award while wearing an orange sherbert blazer. However, even though we’re all big Harden fans, only one of us has had the cojones to put our skin where our mouth is and tattoo his Mr. T-ish face on our arms. So congratulations to this human for being the biggest James Harden fan, I guess.
Unfortunately this person asked for an oatmeal beard version of James Harden, which probably seems like a mistake in hindsight. It’s always tempting to ask your tattoo artist to add a little oatmeal to your tattoo’s beard, but it never quite turns out how you think it’s going to. A classic blunder.
Nonetheless, if you’re the first person on Earth to get a James Harden tattoo, that still makes you pretty cool, even if he does look like a sleepy baby with a bunch of drier lint caught in his prodigious beard. Beards are the currency du jour for hipsters these days, so rocking some ink of the NBA’s most famous bearded player who just so happens to be the NBA’s biggest hipster is quite the accomplishment. Someday we’ll all have James Harden tattoos, so it’s pretty cool for this bro to be able to say he was the first.
Obviously this guy is going to get a Scottie Pippen tattoo on his left scapula to complete the look — and obviously he is a fan of 1990s sports as he is paying tribute to Darryl Talley with his spiderweb tattoo — but you should see his chest. That’s where the Bill Wennington and Luc Longley portraits are. The chest hair integrates really well with Bill’s beard.
Also, I heard he’s getting a tiny Jack Haley tattoo on his shoulder, just to make sure the Dennis Rodman tattoo stays in line. Oh, and he’s having a tough time deciding if he wants to get a Brian Williams tattoo or a Bison Dele tattoo. Tough choice.
I can write second three-peat Bulls tattoo jokes all day, if you want. Just let me know.
(via I Am a GM)
Its existence has long been rumored and we have even heard tales of its utilization, but as far as I can remember, this is the first time we’ve seen JaVale McGee’s fingerstache tattoo in action. Simply put, it’s perfect.
If you were picking the one player in the NBA who is most likely to have a fingerstache, it has to be JaVale McGee, so I’m glad it’s actually there. And I’m glad he chose to debut it next to a man with a lengthy Yosemite Sam mustache, which is an ideal setting for such a piece of art.
The best part, however, is that JaVale McGee got a mustache tattooed on his finger while actually having a mustache on his face. It’s completely superfluous and completely JaVale McGee. The only thing that could make it more so is if the fingerstache missed a dunk from the free throw line.
(via NBA Offseason)