Archive for the ‘TBJ Top 5’ Category

TBJ Top 5, featuring legal limits

Dallas Mavericks at Oklahoma City Thunder
Must-win for the Thunder, so it’s good that they’re at home. Drop this one and it’s a 3-1 Dallas lead, heading back to Dallas. Do it up, Thunder. Test those legal limits.

Stephen Curry’s Bachelor Party
It took place at a Red Sox game and his groomsmen made him wear a pink shirt. I know it is a joke, but I think he might really be 14 years old. Get Donald Trump to check his birth certificate.

Amar’e Stoudemire Goes Swimming
And he wears his green Knicks shorts. Kris Humphries does not approve of those knee-skimmers.

The Muppets Trailer
I could go for some more singing vampires, but I’m still on-board with this.

Living a Glamourous Life
Everyone’s favorite single girl who loves European men is finally back with another classic video.

Oklahoma City Thunder at Dallas Mavericks
It is pretty hilarious to think that Dirk Nowitzki missing one free throw and going 11-15 from the field would be an improvement, but that’s the kind of post-legendary performance kind of society we live in these days.

Best NBA Uniforms Poll
Sports Illustrated’s Andy Gray put together a neat little thing where you can vote on the best uniform for each team. For whatever reason, my preference were almost always the lowest ranked choice. Like those Hawks jerseys with the actual hawk on them weren’t awesome. Pssht.

Best Child Rap About the Haters
Your contenders: Locomotive Curt and Yung Funk. Choose wisely.

Best New Japanese Sport
From now on, The Basketball Jones will become The Whatever This Is Called Jones because holy smokes this is an incredible sport. It’s like King of the Mountain plus rugby plus a mosh pit at Woodstock ’94.

Best New Talk Show Host
Bert from “Sesame Street,” obviously. He’s talking to Andy Samberg of “Saturday Night Live,” and he’s a total natural, except for the part where he is made from foam and felt.

Miami Heat at Chicago Bulls
Hopefully LeBron got some vital nutrients in his Super Big Gulp Sprite, that way he’s 100 percent for tonight’s game. Otherwise, those 3am taquitos are going to taste pretty sad.

The 1996 Bullets Dancing
You were probably thinking you’d die before you saw Juwan Howard, Ben Wallace, Calbert Cheaney and Crystal Waters dancing together, but you were wrong. Feel free to pass on now.

Mitch Hedberg’s New Site
Hedberg’s widow has relaunched his website and there is a ton of never-before-seen stuff over there. New videos, writings and other things that will make you laugh. Very awesome.

“Wal-Mart” — Mr. Ghetto
Without a doubt, the best music video for a song about Wal-Mart that you will ever see.

Gwyneth Paltrow Rapping
Finally, we get to hear what G. Pal — her rap name, probably, because that sounds like something she’d pick — sounds like on the mic. The answer is exactly what you would expect, in that it is very bad.

(doodle by Andrew Gragg)

TBJ Top 5, featuring double Ds

Oklahoma City Thunder at Dallas Mavericks
This is the kind of series that no one really has a grasp on. Both teams have totally unguardable players, they’re both capable of playing great defense and they both wear blue jerseys that feature a shade which cannot be found in nature. Pretty even, if you ask me.

NBA Draft Lottery (8:30pm ET — ESPN)
What else are you going to watch? Baseball?

Gimme This Kyle Korver Hot Sauce T-Shirt
If your friends are like my friends, then you guys always yell “Gimme the hot sauce!” for no reason. That’s why you should buy this shirt. Waaaaaaaay less annoying.

Diet Coke Rocket to the Face
This is what you get for trying out a meme from six years ago.

The Cosby Sweater Project
Some dude is going through every episode of “The Cosby Show” and drawing all the sweaters. It’s even better than it sounds.

TBJ Top 5, featuring popcorn movies

Chicago Bulls at Atlanta Hawks
Can the Hawks keep up their decidedly un-Hawks streak of responding to setbacks? They better hope so, since if they don’t, they’re done. I wouldn’t bet on it, but they’ve proved me wrong a few times before in this postseason. Hoping for a classic.

Community (NBC — 8pm ET)
The season finale, and also the second part of last week’s paintball episode. I’m not hoping for much more than some Donald Glover crying and Alison Brie running.

Magnet Kid
You don’t have to speak the language to understand that a chubby kid who has a frying pan stuck to him is TBS Very Funny. The kid is a magnet, you guys. Human magnet.

Human Bicycle
Speaking of human’s being things they shouldn’t be — totes a normal topic — here’s a group of friends turning themselves in to a bicycle while on a moving walkway. When you have to get to an airport five hours early, you have enough time to come up with things like this.

Smoking Kitty
Come on, kitty cat. Don’t you know smoking is bad for you? Plus, it will singe your whiskers.

TBJ Top 5, featuring Camelo Anthony

Boston Celtics at Miami Heat
This might be the last chance Nenad Krstic has to throw a chair in to someone’s face, at least for this season. I really hope he doesn’t let such an opportunity pass him by.

Memphis Grizzlies at Oklahoma City Thunder
“You know what’s cooler than three overtimes? A billion dollars.” — Justin Timberlake

Carmelo Anthony’s Camel
Brandon Stroud is right. If he didn’t christen this beast “Camel-o Anthony,” he’s just being silly.

Bulls Fan Shamed By His Stupid Hat
Ha ha. This guy doesn’t want anyone to see him wearing his giant foam hat. Probably shouldn’t have bought a giant foam hat then.

Survivor (CBS — 8pm ET)
Is tonight the night that the remaining tribe members finally realize they should vote off Boston Rob? Probably not. No one out there knows what they’re doing.

TBJ Top 5, featuring Pearl Jam

Atlanta Hawks at Chicago Bulls
Now is the time to really get mad at the Lakers, because their being swept has brought us to the point of the season where we have one-game nights on the reg. That’s no good. Thanks for nothing, Los Angeles. But it’s OK — at least this is a super important game that will go a long way towards determining the next round. It’s not an elimination game, but it’s the next best thing.

LeBron James’ Traveling Travel Tour
Miss you, crab dribble.

Final Destination 5
Death by acupuncture and LASIK. Nope, not a joke.

Some Kid Banjoing It Up
Call me crazy, but I think this kid is too good at the banjo and his brother is too good at the fiddle. No offense, banjo enthusiasts, but 8-year-olds shouldn’t be that good.

In Da Wind
A) Trick Daddy is so underrated and unremembered it’s stupid. B) When this song was released in 2002, there was literally no way to predict that Cee-Lo would someday eventually host a talent contest with Christina Aguilera.