Archive for the ‘Utah Jazz’ Category

Do you guys love hyperbole? Do you think it’s the greatest language concept in the history of spoken word? Are you trying to figure out a way to marry hyperbole because you can’t imagine living without it?

If so, you’ll love this quote from Mo Williams about that missed layup you see up there, the one that would have given the Jazz the lead with just a few seconds remaining. From the Deseret News:

Williams used words like “amazing” and “dumbfounded” to describe what could’ve been the shot of the night in his comeback game in front of the fans that he played for from 2008-11.

“I’ve never, ever saw anything like that. I don’t think I’ve ever missed a layup, even practicing,” he said. “I’ve shot a trillion layups in my life, but I’ve never missed one like that, the way it came in and went out.”

1,000,000,000,000 is a lot of layups, so I am just going to assume that Mo Williams is exaggerating for effect. Because otherwise, that means he’s taken 108,577,633 layups every day, assuming he hasn’t taken a day off since he turned five. I’m not going to math this out for you, but that is physically impossible, especially if you’re claiming you didn’t miss any. I have a feeling Mo Williams is being facetious.

And if you look at his reaction as the ball slowly rolls off the rim, he certainly looks like a guy who just missed the first layup of his life when it could have won his team a game while they’re in the middle of a playoff race. So mad. So stompy.

But umm … not the first time. I mean, he’s shooting 75 percent at the rim this year, which is awesome. But it’s not 100. Liar Exaggerator.

al-jefferson-off-kilter

Getting a nickname in the NBA is a pretty big deal. For whatever reason, once a teammate bestows a nickname upon you, you’ve made it. You’re one of the guys.

And when it comes to guy-makers, the Utah Jazz’s Al Jefferson might be the league’s best. Just look at these gems, courtesy of a DeMarre Carrroll interview with ESPN:

Best nickname: “Enes Kanter. They call him Big Turkey. He’s from there, and Al [Jefferson] started calling him that because one day he was just eating turkey. Pretty much everyone on the team has got a nickname. Everyone calls me The Junkyard Dog.”

Funniest: “Al Jefferson. He’s just cracking jokes all the time, especially at Enes Kanter. He gave me the nickname Mophead because my hair is like a mop. He says, ‘Hey, Mophead, come here!’ It’s pretty funny.”

I think I understand Al Jefferson’s nomenclature — see something, come up with a nickname based on what you just saw. Pretty simple really. In fact, it’s actually very easy to create a set of nicknames for all the rest of the Jazz, so I did.

  • Al Jefferson — Big Bed, because he has a big bed.
  • Paul Millsap — Sappy, because it says “Millsap” on the back of his jersey.
  • Randy Foye — Flipper, because all his internal organs are on the opposite sides of his body.
  • Gordon Hayward — Boy, because he looks like a boy.
  • Derrick Favors — Cool Hat, because he had that one cool hat.
  • Marvin Williams — V, because he looks like the “V for Vendetta” mask when he smiles.
  • Mo Williams — Peanut Head, because he has a tiny head.
  • Alec Burks — Alex, because that’s what his name sounds like.
  • Jamaal Tinsley — Stubbs, because he always has stubble.
  • Earl Watson — Baby, because Jeremy Evans drew him as a baby once.
  • Jeremy Evans — Stick, because he’s built like a stick.
  • Kevin Murphy — Murph, because that’s what you call anyone who has the last name “Murphy.”

Super easy, you guys. Feel free to add yours in the comments below, for any NBA player. Go nuts. Just make sure Al Jefferson would approve.

“We should have been booing ourselves.”Al Jefferson, following the Jazz’s 45-point home loss to the Rockets

Cool shirt, Jerry Sloan

Remember when Carlos Boozer rented his house to Prince, then Prince painted it purple and put all kinds of Prince stuff in it and Boozer didn’t really appreciate it because Prince “likes to do the butt-cheek thing?” This is that in shirt form.

Who knew Jerry Sloan was such a wild and crazy guy?

UPDATE WITH HORSE HEAD

Yes, please.

(via Records and Radio, Jazzhype)

Jeremy Evans is a painter

“The Mormon Temple! By Jeremy Evans #40 #ink #original4sale #skills #artist”Earl Watson, Jeremy Evans’ paint game hype man

“They’re not on the bench,” he said, smiling. “We just call it, ‘We didn’t start them.’”Tyrone Corbin, using every ounce of his dad skills to fix this delicate situation

Gordon Hayward at 2:34 pm:

Bout to hit up this aquarium now see if I can find nemo

Gordon Hayward at 4:18 pm:

Found him!

The next mission, should he choose to accept, is to make some ratatouille with an actual rat. At the very least, he looks the part.