If Luigi would have come out of school after his freshman year, he might have been the first overall, what with his ability to hover jump as displayed in “Super Mario 2.” But once schools realized that his height shrunk back down to normal if you touched him. Now he’s a medical red flag and is plumberetting down draft boards. Tragic turn of events.
And hey, if you like having fun on Twitter, followusbros. We’ll probably make some jokes and have some opinions tonight. Enjoy the draft.
If we ever get an NBA season, it looks like a bunch of teams are going to be sporting fancy new alternate uniforms. At least according to the well-connected people behind NBA 2K12, which released last week. Thanks to some enterprising tricksters on a video games forum who hacked the planet game, we get to take a look.
Up top are the new Heat and Grizzlies alternates. One of them is very clean, streamlined and modern. The other is the Grizzlies. Truth be told, I like them both. The Heat for the aforementioned reasons, the Grizzlies because they look like they belong in Europe.
To be fair, today’s Miami Heat are probably better than whatever team the guy who keeps talking about Mutombo fingers is picking — 2001 Sixers maybe? 1994 Nuggets? 2003 Nets? — but picking the LeBron James-led Heat is probably the most Drake thing he could have done in a video that doesn’t feature a song where he’s whining about being famous. Of course he’d pick the Heat. It just fits so well.
Of course, Michael Jordan’s right again. Can’t argue with a ring that literally says “Best Team Ever.” If it’s engraved in gold, it must be true.
That honor goes to the Bulls’ Brian Scalabrine and the Thunder’s Byron Mullens, both of whom have overall ratings of 40 in this year’s iteration of the game. For reference, a 40 means that a player can barely walk two steps without turning the ball over, rolling an ankle and losing several hundred thousand dollars in a bad investing deal.
But who is worse?
In Brian Scalabrine’s defense, he played valuable early season minutes for the Bulls last year, was personally recruited to Chicago by NBA Coach of the Year Tom Thibodeau and has a championship ring. On the other hand, he is Brian Scalabrine, and also, concussion headband. Byron Mullens, of course, was a first round draft pick just two years ago and once made Kevin Durant really happy when he made a shot in a 30-point game. Then again, he is also Byron Mullens and was called “B.J.” until just a few years ago.
As you can see, both of these guys have fascinating cases for and against them. It is nearly impossible to decide who’s the worst between the two of them, but we need to make a choice. Let’s hear in the comments who you think is the worst? If you still vote Jason Collins, that’s fine by me.
According to some incomplete leaked NBA 2K12 ratings, the answer is yes. According to Tas Melas, the answer is no way. But since Tas isn’t a powerful video game designer for a massive electronics company, I guess the answer is yes.
As you can see in this video that purports to be leaked screenshots of the rosters of each and every NBA team — and according to Real 2K Insider, who lovingly compiled every team’s roster as completely as possible — Jason Collins comes in at an overall rating of 45. That’s lower than Theo Ratliff’s 47, Matt Bonner’s surprisingly low 50 and Johan Petro’s laughably high 52. I think we can all agree that even though he is totally useless in half of the game, doesn’t rebound all that much and takes horrible headshots, Jason Collins is still a lot better than Johan Petro, unless we are talking about a tall head-having contest, in which case Johan Petro is the NBA’s best. Just the fact that he’s one of the few guys who can slow up Dwight Howard should be enough to make him not the lowest rated player in the game.
Of course, these rankings are incomplete, don’t include rookies and could be subject to an update before NBA 2K12 releases October 4, so it’s kind of whatever at this point. Besides, Jason Collins isn’t even the worst Collins twin in the NBA. Jarron will just be happy to make it in the game.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, for the longest time, the big debate among NBA diehards has been who is better between LeBron James and Kobe Bryant, and the dispute continues to these days. If you like winning championships and the epitome of the superstar ethos, you choose Kobe Bryant. If you like basketball players who dominate every aspect of the game and then sometimes have terrible games when it matters most, you choose LeBron James. These are the generally held assumptions regarding the argument about these two basketball players, and most people will not change their minds even when confronted with statistics.
But that’s not stopping NBA 2K12 from setting the record straight. As far as their concerned, LeBron is four points better than Kobe. From Pasta Padre:
LeBron James will begin NBA 2K12 as a 98 – the highest rated player in the game – while Kobe Bryant has settled in at 94. Miami also features the 96 rated Dwayne Wade and the 80 rated Chris Bosh (who drops from the 87 he started 2K11 with). Bryant and the Heat, who have no players outside the “big three” above 68, are the only ratings revealed so far.
That settles that. No one will argue about this any more since a video game has declared that LeBron is better than Kobe and that Kobe isn’t even the second-best player in the game. I am glad that this episode of our lives has passed and now we can all be best friends. Let’s all meet at the soda stand to rejoice in the good times.
Pretty sad day for Kobe Bryant, I’m sure. One day he might be the best player in the league, and is being compared favorably to a guy who won two straight MVPs. The next, some video game tells him he’s not even the best shooting guard in the game. Crushing, undoubtedly.
But at least he’s not Chris Bosh, who sacrificed seven skill points and a couple million dollars to be a third option on the NBA’s runner-up. That sucks, but at least he got to pose with chocolate milk that one time. That sort of thing never would have happened in Toronto.