Archive for the ‘Washington Wizards’ Category

jason-collins-rebounding

Yesterday was a great day because someone announced they were gay.

It shouldn’t have been news, but it was. This is news, big news. This is the first out active male athlete in the major American team sports. For anyone interested in sports, this was a giant step towards the end of its last great discriminatory boundary. For anyone concerned with gay rights, the accursed world of sports became an accessible arena for discussion. And so for any of us concerned with both, this day was special.

The truly special day will be the one in which announcements such as this are no longer considered special. This ideal, perhaps far-fetched, is still the goal for anyone concerned with the freedom and protection of human dignity. And it is steps such as this, ones which take a sledgehammer to a social stigma that has long needed it, that give us a chance of realizing this.

Therein lies the enormity of Collins’s announcement. He is a veteran, and a widely respected one, who brought an overdue and highly sought-after resolution to the question of who was going to be first, and did so completely out of the blue. More pertinently, he did so correctly. In the Sports Illustrated article that announced his news, Collins speaks from a place of candor and depth of feeling, without the chip on his shoulder that could so readily be developed in light of his situation. His nuanced introspection gives no one any reason to think less of him, to judge his character and the words it brings forth with anything less than sincerity and respect. If you don’t believe homosexuality is right, and/or you think less of homosexuals, Collins is challenging your belief with the very delivery of the words.

Context is needed to temper any overreactions, however. The world hasn’t been changed; indeed, the world of sport might not even recognize any palpable change for a while. Collins’ announcement is but a blip on the global problem of discrimination against homosexuality. We live in a world in which homosexuality remains illegal in 76 countries, and punishable by death in nine of them. Homosexuality remains an unacceptable reality in much of the world and many walks of life. One gay sportsman isn’t stopping this.

However, in the context of team sports, we’re seeing history made. And, with only the rarest of exceptions, we’re seeing this history accepted. In recent years, the likes of Orlando Cruz, Gareth Thomas, John Amaechi, Steven Davies and Brittney Griner have come out, pushing back the barrier slightly further each time. Major American team sports were one of the few hurdles remaining. With this announcement, we get one step closer to normalcy. And normalcy is the aim.

This, then is a plea. A plea then for everyone to both recognize this statement for what it is and for what it isn’t. A plea for everyone to treat Collins the same as they did yesterday, which is a plea he himself rose above making. A plea to other players not to believe Collins isn’t going to start jumping their bones every time he sees them naked (which he’s managed to avoid doing so far), and to dispense with the idea that locker room sanctity is threatened by the realization that people are different. And a plea to us all — if Collins isn’t in the NBA next year, let’s not assume this is why. If we’re willing to believe that being a gay NBA player is no big thing, we must also be willing to believe that being a gay free agent is no big deal, either. If we want to develop a society whereby people do not judge or treat others on their sexuality, we mustn’t look for instances of it happening.

If Jason Collins has already played his last NBA game, let us not forget that he can’t score, rebound, shoot, pass or defend the rim. He contributes very little as a player — even the one tangible strength he does have, his man-to-man defensive versatility on opposing bigs, is mitigated by his foul rates. Indeed, Collins himself lauds his own ability as being good at fouling. That doesn’t cut it for anyone else.

If we want to realize this ideal, whereby coming out means nothing, recognition of Collins as a player must come before any recognition of him as a person. Whatever happens in his career now, Collins’ homosexuality can and will be cited as a reason, be it being left on the shelf (“discrimination!”) or signing with a new team (“great PR move!”). If this happens, the good work will be all for naught. It is up to us to prevent that.

The world is a slightly better place for Collins’ announcement. He’s done his bit. Let’s do our bit to keep it that way.

Jason-Collins-is-gay

Here is the most important part of Jason Collins’ very important, groundbreaking Sports Illustrated essay:

I’m a 34-year-old NBA center. I’m black. And I’m gay.

And here is the funniest part, where he explains he might be the best fouler the game has ever seen:

On the court I graciously accept one label sometimes bestowed on me: “the pro’s pro.” I got that handle because of my fearlessness and my commitment to my teammates. I take charges and I foul — that’s been my forte. In fact, during the 2004-05 season my 322 personals led the NBA. I enter the court knowing I have six hard fouls to give. I set picks with my 7-foot, 255-pound body to get guys like Jason Kidd, John Wall and Paul Pierce open. I sacrifice myself for other players. I look out for teammates as I would my kid brother.

I’m not afraid to take on any opponent. I love playing against the best. Though Shaquille O’Neal is a Hall of Famer, I never shirked from the challenge of trying to frustrate the heck out of him. (Note to Shaq: My flopping has nothing to do with being gay.) My mouthpiece is in, and my wrists are taped. Go ahead, take a swing — I’ll get up. I hate to say it, and I’m not proud of it, but I once fouled a player so hard that he had to leave the arena on a stretcher.

Not much for me to add here — except that that Shaq line is an instant classic — so go read the entire thing.

filing-taxes-at-wizards-nets

There isn’t much to add here that Tamica C, the woman who snapped this picture of a guy doing his taxes at the last possible minute while taking in last night’s Nets win over the Wizards, hasn’t said already.

this man filing his taxes at the Nets v. Wizards game #cantmakethisstuffup

#Cantmakethisstuffup is right, but I guess the only thing worse than paying for Nets-Wizards tickets in April is paying for Nets-Wizards tickets in April while also having to pay late fees on your taxes. And with that being said, let’s enjoy a quick round of naming players after various tax terms:

  • Internal Revenue Serge Ibaka
  • Itemized Deducshawn Marion
  • Employment Expencer Hawes
  • Worksheed Wallace
  • Festus 1040EZeli

Just five names. Not a big deal. Feel free to carry on in the comments.

(via D.C. Sports Bog)

wizards-gum-cabinet

Getting paid millions of dollars to play basketball is cool, but you know what’s even cooler? No, not a billion dollars, Justin Timberlake — perks. Perks are what is cool about basketball. Whether it be free shoes, all the sweatpants you could ever want or access to a swimming pool pretty much any time you ever want to take a dip, it’s all good baby bay-bay. Perks are where it’s at.

But here’s a perk I’ve never really considered: gum. Gum is good to chew, inexpensive and pretty easily obtained, but it’s still better if you get it for free. And if you’re the Washington Wizards, not only do you have all the free gum in the world, you also have the best selection in the league. It’s a win-win re: gum. From D.C. Sports Bog’s Sarah Kogum:

“I like the fact that they have Strawberry and Grape Bubblicious,” said a smiling Temple. “I hadn’t seen Bubblicious in a while, so when I got here, I was like wow. Bubblicious? So I had to chew some. I don’t see locker rooms have Bubblicious. Usually they have Juicy Fruit and Wrigley’s. The Dentyne and stuff like that. But they have everything here.”

You know how it is — you finally see a rare gum in the wild and you just have to give it a chew. Been there, most recently with some Dr. Pepper Hubba Bubba that is just as good as you’re imagining. Shoutout to all the gums in the whole wide world, even that Bazooka garbage that turns in to sticky gum nuggets within seconds after entering your mouth.

About now you’re probably wondering why the Wizards have so much gum. That’s understandable, since it feels like we’re diving in to a whole new world with this expose (expoxanthan?) on the NBA’s gum trade. Fair enough, though you won’t be surprised to find out the main reason behind the gum overload is the main reason behind a lot of things in today’s NBA: Michael Jordan.

“The GOAT, the greatest to ever do it, chewed gum, so I think it’s spurred basketball players chewing gum,” Garrett Temple told me. “[Michael Jordan] used to always have gum in his mouth, chewing it while we was waiting for free throws or something like that. They’d always show that. That’s the reason I always tried to chew gum, but I got to the point where I found myself losing my breath quicker when I’d run up and down the court having to chew gum also.”

Cartier Martin also offered the Jordan explanation.

“I think a lot of guys did start chewing gum because of Jordan, and watching him,” he said. “And it just became a habit for other guys. Now it’s just kind of a trending thing in the league.”

Dag, been there too, and maybe you have too since I’m not the only one who tried to perfect MJ’s circular horse-chewing gum steez. I mean, if Bill Wennington tried it, I’m sure everyone else did too. And even though I consider myself a generally coordinated person who can handle playing basketball whilst chewing on a spearmint stick, I have to agree with Garrett Temple that chomping on some gum can really throw you off. Maybe I’m crazy but it just feels a bit weird to be running and chewing, maybe because I’ve never been a fan of eating on the go.

But now that we know the Wizards have the gum game on lock, we need a full investigation in to each team’s gum situation and how/if it affects their free agent recruiting. I’m guessing there’s no LeBron’s Lightning Lemonade in the Cavaliers’ locker room, but maybe it’ll be there in the summer of 2014. Or maybe not. All I’m saying is, we need to know.

On Easter Sunday, Barack Obama invited the Washington Wizards over to his White House to look for Easter Eggs and shoot some hoops. Obeezy then proceeded to go a positively Wizardian 2-22 from the field. Considering the Wiz are the second-worst shooting team in the NBA, they know all about missing shots, which is why their quotes on Obama’s horrible shots are almost required reading.

First John Wall, from the Washington Post:

“I told him ‘I’m on a hot stretch this month,’ ” Wall said. “I said you was shooting like I was shooting the first month I came back. He kept saying I’m going to leave for like five minutes, 10 minutes. He didn’t leave until he made one.”

You know you’ve missed a lot of shots when John Wall is zinging you about missing shots. Even if Wall did shoot 48 percent in March, having him diss your shot is like JaVale McGee telling you that you’ve made a few too many stupid basketball plays or DeMarcus Cousins telling you to chill out or some other basketball analogies. You get the point.

Luckily for Barack, Emeka Okafor had his back (that was shirted, which may have been the problem).

Okafor, who stood calmly with his arm behind his back, cut the president some slack based on his wardrobe and weather. “He missed more than he made, but it was cold,” Okafor said. “He had some casual shoes on, a long sleeve shirt and some khakis, so he wasn’t really in his proper attire to get in game mode.”

He’s right — it’s impossible to shoot in khakis and long sleeves. So don’t try anything crazy, Golden State Warriors. Not to mention, he wasn’t wearing his custom Brandon Jennings shoes, which certainly distracted him feet-wise and caused him to miss all of those shots.

These are all very good excuses for missing 20 out of 22 shots, which is why I’m expecting Emeka Okafor to be offered a cabinet position sometime soon. He does have a degree in finance, after all. Between that and being super quick with the excuses, he’s certainly got a future in politics.

["NBA is Fannnn-tastic" joke.]

Get your mind out of the gutter, creepo. This isn’t some sort of weird sex thing or torture mechanism or anything unbecoming, it’s just a set of rules and regulations for which people are allowed to celebrate a dunk and when they can do it. I’ll let Martell Webster explain, courtesy of D.C. Sports Bog’s transcription of a Courtside Report interview.

“‘Unveiling the Wizard isn’t my move,” he told Jumoke Davis. “It’s a move I made up, but it’s for all of us to use and for all of us to utilize. You do it after a dunk, after a power dunk, and you can Unveil the Wizard.”

Pretty simple. But this quick tip sheet will make things even more clear.

martell-webster-unveil-the-wizard

Non-Wizard? Sorry, no unveiling. Can’t power dunk? Too bad. Don’t know what Unveiling the Wizard really is? Well, that I can actually help with.

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