Archive for the ‘Washington Wizards’ Category

Evidence For:

  • He looks like he is in costume.
  • The guy behind him definitely looks like he is in costume.
  • His hair doesn’t usually look like Andrew Bynum’s.
  • Owns a snake, so a costume kind of makes sense.

Evidence Against:

  • This picture was posted six weeks after Halloween.
  • Doesn’t appear to be dressed as a madrigal singer, so this would not be a seasonally appropriate costume.
  • Hair appears to be attached to his head.

Verdict: Andrew Bynum costume.

I mentioned it during today’s show, but Emeka Okafor really did catch a fan who was falling over a railing because he was so excited the Wizards finally got a win. As you can see in the video up top, it’s not a life or death situation, but still. How many fans have other players caught? Zero, I am guessing.

Anyways, let’s hear the story from the mouths of those who lived it. From Sarah Kogod at the Washington Post:

“I was just so excited about the first win of the season that I leaned over too far,” said the fan, who declined to be named out of embarrassment. “I didn’t realize [Okafor] was too far away.”

The fan was able to grab onto the outside of the railing, but found himself upside down and losing his grip. Okafor, who was acquired in part due to his veteran smarts, reacted quickly.

“He was falling over and I saw the guy,” Okafor said of the incident. “He was smiling the whole time. Before I got there he had stopped himself. I just helped put him back into the stands.”

The flustered fan’s friends began to shout, “Emeka Okafor just saved your life!” An exaggeration, perhaps, but the Wizards big man may have saved him from a potential hospital visit.

“He was over [the railing] but he had a huge smile on his face. He had absolutely no awareness of the danger he was in,” Okafor said with a laugh. “That’s a first for me. I haven’t seen that before.”

If Emeka Okafor is not this guy’s favorite player immediately, he needs to reevaluate his life. I don’t necessarily know if he would have died from this fall, but he definitely could have been hurt, and there could be nothing more embarrassing than having to tell people you broke your arm celebrating the Washington Wizards going 1-12. Okafor just saved this guy a lifetime of zingers from his friends, which is a pretty steep price to pay for a high-five from an average center.

At the very least, this dude should be very happy that JaVale McGee was traded away. He has a hard enough time catching basketballs, let alone humans.

How much would you pay to watch the Wizards play an NBA basketball game in person? Zero dollars? Me too, which is why this Craigslist deal is such a steal for us.

I guarantee a Wizards win tonight!

I am selling my two Wizards tickets tonight at $20 each. If the Wizards do not beat the Spurs, I will refund your money.

I guarantee a win for every Wizards win. See Below a list of the games and what your price would be per ticket. Of course if the Wizards dont win, your cost is ZIPPY.

ZIPPY, you guys. You can go to any Wizards home game you want for ZIPPY dollars. This is a tremendous deal, should you decide you want to watch an entire Wizards game in person and think you’ll be able to hunt down this random Craigslist person to get your money back.

And it’s not just tonight’s game against the Spurs either. You can snag this great deal for any of the Wizards’ 36 remaining home games, save for the Lakers game which has already been “sold.” Sure, it might cost you $150 up front to see the Heat live, but after they destroy the Wizards, you’re getting that money back. In all likelihood, the most you’re spending on Wizards tickets is probably going to be $50 for a pair of seats against the Hornets, though there’s a chance the Wizards squeak out a win against a better team and you’re left paying a ton of money to see a good team play terribly.

And that’s the genius of this scheme — not only is it a good way to rid yourself of Wizards tickets you don’t want to use while potentially scamming suckers out of money, there’s also an element of risk-reward here that is kind of fun. Yeah, you get to see the Clippers, but are you going to end up getting your money back at the end of the night? It’s a gamble, which then turns in to a double gamble because you’d be rooting hard against the home team in their arena.

Simply put, this deal is for daredevils only. It might seem like ZIPPY dollars now, but when the Wizards beat the Spurs tonight because all the Spurs’ old guys sit on the second night of a back-to-back after a double overtime victory, you just spent 40 bucks watching the Wizards play the Spurs’ second team. You’ve been warned.

(via Dan Steinberg)

The Washington Wizards have literally been comically bad the past few seasons. Whether it be challenging for the worst record ever in 2008-09, losing 25 straight road games during the 2010-11 season or employing the greatest collection of human memes in NBA history during the modern era, the Wizards have been one of the league’s go-to franchises for NBA futility.

But they’ve outdone themselves this season, starting the year off 0-9 to set the Washington record for worst start in franchise history. And even worse, they have turned their head coach, Randy Wittman, in to a babbling idiot. From the AP:

Wittman chose various ways to try to explain the Wizards’ problems Monday night during a 96-89 loss to the Indiana Pacers, then tried to stand up – somewhat – for his players.

”I believe these guys can win,” Wittman said. ”I don’t have any doubts. … I come in here every day, thinking this is the night. I feel good.”

Then he chuckled a bit, paused, and delivered the punch line: ”I might be dumb.”

Here is a sign that your season is not going very well — your coach thinks your team can win games but then reconsiders because he “might be dumb.” Yikes. That is arguably worse than your old coach admitting he eats Subway after every loss because he feels terrible about himself. Though when you consider that both of these coaches have been mentally destroyed by the Wizards in the same calendar year, I guess it’s just a toss-up.

I mean, things have gotten so bad that Randy Wittman has lost his cellphone, thinks the waiver wire is actually a number that you can call and doesn’t even know who should be playing in the first place.

”I don’t know who to start, who to play, who not to play,” Wittman said.

Sounding increasingly exasperated, he continued: ”I’m looking down the whole roster, and if I had a cellphone, I’d be calling the waiver wire, trying to find another body. I mean, I’m just searching right now, searching for people to give me consistency.”

Players often get labeled as coach killers after they get a head man fired, but the Washington Wizards are actual coach killers in the sense that they completely suck the life out of whoever is coaching them. If you are ever offered this job, just say no. It’s not worth it.

The Washington Wizards are 0-6, last in the league in offensive efficiency and just lost a game to the Charlotte Bobcats by 16 points where they shot a single game, league-wide worst from the field, making a pretty solid claim that they’re the worst team in the league. New look, new personnel, same terrible Wizards.

And that sameness even extends to all the silly things they do on the court. Even though their knuckleheadiest knuckleheads have been shipped out in order to give John Wall some teammates who are less wacky but still bad at basketball, something has rubbed off and the Wizards have managed to sustain their long run as the NBA’s most bloggable team. Last night was no different. From the Washington Post:

Late in the third quarter, reserve Jan Vesely drew a foul from Bobcats reserve Tyrus Thomas but Jordan Crawford tried to pull a fast one and stepped to the foul line instead. Crawford knocked down the first free throw, until the referees realized the mistake and sent Vesely to the line.

“Nothing against Jan. I was just trying to get as many points as we can because we was struggling to score,” said Crawford, who joked with the coaches on the Bobcats’ bench. “I was just saying, ‘I thought I got bumped on the play,’ making a little joke.”

But Vesely missed both free throws, which wasn’t very funny.

Now, as I’m sure you’ll remember, Jan Vesely airballed his first NBA free throw. And he hasn’t done much better since, shooting .532 from the line last season and starting this one by making just one of his first nine attempts. Plus, when you consider how bad the Wizards are on offense — they are literally the worst offensive team in NBA history right now — this is just a smart move by Jordan Crawford. Just because it is completely against the rules doesn’t mean it’s stupid.

Unfortunately for the Wizards, however, some people were actually paying attention to this game, referees included. You would think that a Wizard taking two free throws for a teammate who can’t shoot free throws during the third quarter of a game against the Bobcats in November would go undetected, but alas. Too bad, because this would have been the perfect crime.

(video via TruthAboutIt)

Here is something I learned about the NBA today that I had never heard before — each team is required to hold a seminar for their players that teaches them the business of basketball, from ticket pricing to health insurance. Who knew? Education is a wonderful and important thing. Stay in school, kids.

Now knowing that, we can get in to this story about the Wizards having their seminar and turning it in to a classroom test situation where the team was competing for a pair of courtside seats. That happened and now there are serious allegations being thrown around about the winner, John Wall. From the D.C. Sports Bog:

“He cheated,” Trevor Booker told me when I asked about Wall’s victory. “I got them all right too, but I cheated. I didn’t get a prize, because I admitted that I cheated. I’m an honest man.”

Even while cheating?

“Even while cheating,” he said, with a straight face.

Emeka Okafor and Earl Barron shared similar suspicions of ungentlemanly conduct.

“It’s called the World Wide Web,” said Barron, when I asked how Wall was able to cheat.

“Courtesy of Google,” Okafor chimed in from the next locker over. “But he’s from Kentucky, so I’m not saying nothing.”

Oh snap, World Wide Web zing. Also, oh snap, University of Kentucky zing. These Wizards and their zings.

Though to be fair, it seems like this competition was kind of set up to be cheated on anyways.

Wall, who told me he’d be giving his prize to a teammate, took exception to the allegations of dirty play.

“How did I cheat?” he asked, when I told him about his teammates’ accusations. “They gave us the questions ahead of time. No cheating. I won fair and square.”

I think I’m on Wall’s side here. When you are given the questions for a fake test before the test is given, it’s kind of impossible to cheat since a) the test doesn’t actually matter and b) everyone except the rookie has the chance to get the same answers. That’d be like cheating at baking a cake.

Nonetheless, let’s hope this internal strife doesn’t destroy the Wizards’ winless season. A team this bad doesn’t need any more adversity to battle through, especially not in the form of a millionaire getting free seats to his own basketball game by dubiously acing a fake test for a required seminar that obviously no one cares about. On the bright side, no one pulled a gun in the locker room about it, so I guess things are getting better.

Once upon a time, “swag” ruled the Wizards locker room. Led by their knight in swaggy armor, Gilbert Arenas, the Wizards literally rated their performance on a swag scale from none to phenomenal. It was the swaggest of times, it was the worst of times.

But now, swag is dead and “steez” reigns supreme. From the DC Sports Bog:

“Why do you wear sunglasses in the locker room after games?” I asked Jordan Crawford on Thursday.

Little did I know that the answer would soon have me listening to Wu-Tang Clan and Gang Starr tracks in the Verizon Center media room. Without headphones, too.

“Oh, that’s just a part of my steez,” Crawford replied.

“Part of your what?” I asked.

“My steelo,” he answered. “My style.”

Yeah, sure. But has anybody else bought in?
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